(Almost) Everything I Wish I'd Said

Sometimes you feel so deeply that you begin to wonder if anyone will understand the depths of your heart, the range of emotions that go on behind the scenes of your face. The chaos of ideas and struggles, the ever moving cycle of what if’s and why’s that seem to entangle you in a net that never seems to go away. So you feel all the pain of those around you, you remember the ache that has lived inside you for as long as you can remember, and you wait for someone to come along and look at you, saying “You are familiar, and I want to get to know you again.” This is what we all want, to be seen and known, to be loved deeply as we feel deeply. To breathe and exhale without the fear that someone will leave when we have turned our back. We want a love that is as steady as our own breathing, and as life-giving as the air we take in. Hold on, dear heart, hold on for the one who will see you, and know you. Who will love you with a love that is familiar; because our hearts have known too many strangers who have tried to call our hearts a pitstop, when it is a home, waiting for someone to find their way to a place that is safe.

I don’t want to fabricate a perfect love anymore. I just want to live a little better. To not be hurt anymore, and to not hurt others. I don’t like it that there’s so much wounding in the world. If there persists in being so much wounding in the world, I don’t want to live in it. My need for true love isn’t so important now. The important thing is to lead a life where no one can wound me anymore.

One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65 you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find–– is they are not always with whom we spend our lives.