I. I know life goes on with or without you, but it all seems so fucking dull since. II. They have classes for drugs and alcohol, but not for love, and I find that I’ve always been more drawn to other people than I have to objects. III. I need help to wean myself off of you because if I don’t, i’m afraid i’ll lose to my own head. IV. I remember how you blocked me, and how easy it was for you–For it to not bother you that we won’t talk again. For it to not hurt you. I wonder how you did it. V. If someone would tell me that you were a piece of shit, I’d cut them off and tell them that you were the best, only lost when it came to love. VI. I remember the last day we shared. I felt so much love, but I should have paid more attention to the words you spoke. It all sounded too much like a goodbye. VII. I know you weren’t heartless. You always got sad about past lovers and how you were never comfortable in your own skin; but when you left, it didn’t seem like you had any feelings in a single part of your body. VIII. Everyday I catch myself wondering if you’ll ever come back and I spend those times waiting for you. I know it’s not healthy. I know I should have better things to do. IX. I’m afraid that you will come in with sweet words and i’ll be a prisoner to you again, but I am more terrified that you will never speak another word to me. X. You’ve seen people strung out on drugs because they’ve been held captive by their addiction, but I don’t think some people know how strung out you can be on love. How obsessed you can become. How much self hatred runs through your veins when you two are arguing. How your feelings are based on how they are treating you. It makes you feel tired. It drains you. And when it’s all over, you have to fight like hell everyday with your addiction gone. You have to spend every waking moment recovering. You have to find purpose again, because their love was your whole purpose. XI. I catch myself thinking of every regret I have about our relationship; the things I did, the things I didn’t do. I can’t help but think that if I would have done some things differently, we’d still be going strong. But I can’t take things back, and because of that, we drifted so far apart. XII. You promised to never hurt me again, and then spent everyday after doing exactly that. XIII. I want you to tell me the truth, even if it rips me open. Come on, tell me. Tear my heart apart one last time. XIV. We spent our last day having sex, and I wonder if during that time, you already knew you were going to leave. XV. It’s easy to dehumanize you. To tell them you were cruel. To tell them you lacked important organs such as a heart. But really, those things aren’t true. Sometimes it’s just that two people don’t work out, even if they really want it to. Even if they love the other person. XVI. I hope you remember the times we shared. The times I touched you and you felt on top of the world. The times love ran through your veins and it felt too fucking good. I hope you remember and miss me. I hope you remember and know you made a mistake. XVII. You used to give me that feeling of running through a sprinkler in eighty degree weather. You used to give me that feeling of coming home after a long day and jumping into bed, under five blankets. You used to give me the best feelings that life had to offer, but I don’t have any of those feelings anymore. The bed doesn’t make me feel comfortable, the weather doesn’t make me feel nice, and you don’t make me feel loved anymore. XVIII. This last one is to just tell you goodbye. I hope you know i’ll always love you. You were my first love, my most toxic, strongest addiction. whether we talk a couple months from now or never talk again, you’ll always be in my memory. I’ll always reminisce about you.