10 things you’ll learn as a first time mum
1. You will feel like you’ve had them forever, even after just a month in. It’s weird but you can’t really remember what it was like before they were here.
2. Your baby will be fast asleep and suddenly let out a little cry or moan and ‘OMG what is wrong?!’ Nothing. Nothing is wrong (sometimes). I do wonder though, is Remi having a nightmare? Do babies even have nightmares? Now and then he will throw his arms up and grunt and I was always tempted at first to pick him up and cuddle him (okay, I lie, I DID pick him up and cuddle him, but trust me it’s worse if you wake them up when they don’t want to be woken! Step away from the moses basket...
3. Babies breathe SO loudly when they’re first born. Something to do with those teeny little nostrils.
4. Then they stop making any noise at all and you freak out. ‘Why has my baby stopped breathing?!’ I can’t tell you how many times in the first few weeks I shoved my finger under Remi’s nose to check he was still exhaling.
5. Breastfeeding is hard. I could write a full post on this alone, and in fact I might. But the bottom line is that when your milk ‘comes in’ your boobs may swell so big that the nipple just becomes the end of your boob and baby can’t latch. You may get engorged, painfully lumpy, sore boobs that have you in such agony you cry, you may get an infection from baby not latching properly, and you may get all those things, just like I did! Don’t beat yourself up, and please ignore all of the mums that say ‘oh my baby is fine, you just have to persevere’ because everyone is different and no-one’s experience is the same. (*side note - you will leak, especially at night. Shove a towel under yourself).
6. Your boobs will sag. Following on from my last point, if you choose to breastfeed this is also the trade off you will be making - the sacrifice of a meaty chest. I mean I was blessed with an F cup chest, but I swear since breastfeeding for just 12 weeks they just look so ‘blah’ - haven’t actually tried on any proper underwear to measure them yet though, still in those sexy, soft maternity bras.
7. You have to be strong. There will be times when you have a pile of washing to unload, you’re in the middle of washing a heap of dishes in the sink, you haven’t eaten breakfast since you woke up three hours ago, let alone got out of your pj’s, and your baby will decide then and there that they are so hungry they want to wail uncontrollably. It’s okay to let them cry for more than three seconds before you trip over the mess running to their aid. It’s not nice. At all. But it is okay.
8. The first poos are like black tar, soooo sticky. Then they turn to the likeness of a Korma and then if and when you move them onto formula, the poos just get worse. They stink, they get everywhere, and they stain!
9. You will, no matter how careful you are, quite often have to change your baby and yourself into more than one outfit a day. Babies are gross, they dribble, sick up on you, and wee and poop to their heart's content, knowing you’re the one who has to deal with all the mess.
10. You’ll feel guilty for being yourself. Nathan and I had a date night when Remi was just four weeks old. We’d booked Chris Rock tickets before we’d even known I was pregnant and I’d convinced myself that I’d be okay with Nathan’s mum looking after Remi for a few hours. When we got to the O2 we had to lock our phones into cases for the duration to avoid videos of the show being shared on social media, and I totally freaked out. Chris Rock was hilarious, and I did have a few tears of laughter, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I should have, as I had a lump of guilt and worry sat in my stomach all the way until I raced through the door and picked him back up again! A couple of weeks ago we did our second date night while my sister babysat, and I felt a little better about it, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let my hair down completely when I leave him even for a few hours.


















