Then Allah changed my whole life around and gave me a responsibility of a child who isn’t mine. I asked Allah for a child & Allah blessed me with one but just not the way I wanted it. However it reminded me of this

And I realised this little child is my Rizq that Allah had given to someone else to preserve for me for a little while. When a woman is pregnant, she mentally starts preparing to be a mother however I became a mother overnight, all of a sudden I’m given this responsibility while I did not prepare myself for it. And By Allah, I’m as excited as I would be if it was my own child that was coming and I am so excited to take care of this little one and raise her as my own.

My dua wasn’t answered the way I wanted it but I wouldn’t have it another way. I am happy and content with Allah did provide me with instead. I remember the very moment I asked Allah “why aren’t you giving me a child, you know my intentions are pure as I want to raise a child for you so why are you not giving it” and by Allah by the very same evening, this responsibility was given to me and I realised it’s because Allah was going to give me something more rewarding. To raise a child without a mother or a father, like Halima raised our beloved Prophet Sallahu Alayhi Wa Salam.

It is Allah giving me and my husband a great opportunity to be raised in ranks, to earn good deeds for a lifetime in Jannah. I feel so happy that Allah chose me for raising this child. Thank you Allah for believing in my ability and I know you knew how much I wanted to embrace motherhood. Thank you Allah so much. I’m grateful to you for this, I will always be.

Everything I wanted for my own child; I want to raise her the same way for the sake of Allah. But to also raise her to love Allah the most and be a grateful servant.

P.s her mother has passed away and she’s 4 years old and I’m given this responsibility so I ask you all to make dua that I am able to fulfill this responsibility.

I’m not usually the type to disclose personal information that has a tendency to be considered ‘taboo.’ Yes I post on social media regularly (who doesn’t these days?!?), but I'm not the type to tag myself in the hospital with no explanation - cue the ‘what’s happened?’ comments.

What has struck me since I became pregnant, went into labour and now in my postpartum recovery (9 weeks in) is that mums are very much left to cope alone after the first few weeks. The midwife visits stop, the health visitor is only there to see the baby/child, and really, if you want help you have to ask for it. Some people are, (and I include myself in this), at times, too proud to ask for help. Their mums and grandmas etc all managed so the pressure is on for them to manage alone. Post-natal depression is something that is very common, but not really spoken about. Yes there are support groups available and assessments are made by the health visitor on your pnd score, but some people just don’t want to ask for help.

Some women will be luckier than others during pregnancy and labour (I definitely was) but the recovery will be crap! This is my situation. Others will have a rubbish pregnancy and birth and recover quicker. Everyone is different, just like every baby is different, but I thought I would explain my journey in the hopes that if anyone else is in the position I am, it might just help that person, or at least be an outlet to share experiences. Too often women are judged for how they parent, what they do in pregnancy, and how quickly they get ‘back to normal’ after pregnancy and women feel they can’t speak out.  

Now just to clarify, I'm not deemed as having post-natal depression and truly don’t believe I am depressed. However, I am struggling physically with a number of issues that are either never discussed, or only paid lip service to during antenatal classes. It’s quite possible midwives don’t want to put people off, but the more I speak to different people of different generations, the more I realise how common some of these problems are and it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. Hopefully that’s what this blog will do for some new mums or mums to be out there!