gray november /

“ bell? ”  she asks,  too soft,  as if she’s hidden away under the floor again. “ are you awake? ” 

maybe   he’s   not   as   afraid   as   he   should   be.      most   humans   would   quake   at   the   knowledge   that   there   are   strange   vampires   in   town  ,    run  ,    perhaps   barricade   their   homes   against   the   monsters   in   the   night.      but   obi - wan   has   hardly   known   anything   else  ;      he   has   long   lived   under   the   certainty   that   anakin   and   qui - gon   will   protect   him.      anakin   would   never   let   anything   hurt   him  ,    not   even   another   of   his   own   kind.

the   moment   he   enters   the   house  ,    he’s   drawn   into   anakin’s   cold   frame  ,    held   too   fast  ,    too   tight.      obi - wan   gives   a   little   huff   but   doesn’t   resist  ,    his   own   arms   lifting   to   return   the   hug  ,    though   anakin’s   words   are   met   with   a   scowl.        “      so   what  ,    i’m   expected   to   stay   in   the   house   all   the   time?      it   hasn’t   been   safe   for   months.      ”

it’s good qui-gon is out of the house,  because anakin hesitates for a split second too long,  obi-wan’s heartbeat calling out to him.  i’m more of a danger to you than them.  he should let obi-wan go,  send him far away from this house.  he’ll be safer anywhere else, and yet anakin knows he will never be able to bear not knowing obi-wan’s fate. 

( he is obi-wan’s fate.  he always has been. ) 

“      it   is.      i   know   that   much.      ”        he   remembers   fingers   about   his   throat  ,    squeezing  ,    crushing  ,    and   suppresses   a   SHUDDER.        “      very   well.      ”        he   lifts   a   hand   to   rub   at   the   bridge   of   his   nose  ,    thoroughly   unconvinced.        “      we’ll   try   it   your   way.      ”

i’ll give you something to make you call out god’s name. the thought strikes jim before he can stop it, and he’s glad ( not for the first time ) that his boss isn’t a mind reader. or, at least, is too preoccupied to use that required psych course rattling in any doctor’s brain to read jim like a book. luckily, it’s a common stream of consciousness at this point and doesn’t cause him to falter much, or prevent him from practicing comfort mode.

“ nah, ” jim replies, though takes a cautionary glance over his shoulder in the direction of joanna’s room. “ she did great today, so she’s got some free time to listen to the frozen soundtrack on repeat —— with headphones, you can thank me later. ” as much as he absolutely loves to see mccoy be a father, to see him take part in joanna’s hobbies alongside her… the guy looks dead on his feet.

and as jim steps closer to accept the drink, he just wants to knock it back and treat mccoy to a back rub, or something to relieve the weight from his shoulders… but he has some semblance of self control. even in the face of something so dismal. he takes a seat on the ottoman across from mccoy’s armchair, maybe closer than an employee should be to his employer. and maybe if his leg twitched just slightly to the left, their knees would brush together. the ‘ almost ’ feels electric in the air.

“ you okay? ”

at least there’s that.  there’s too much tension in the way mccoy carries himself for jim to be able to perceive how he ever so slightly relaxes at the reassurance.  as long as jo’s okay.  that’s what’s carried him through the past decade,  what he prays will carry him through the next. it’s why he still tries with joss,  why he works nights so he can be home when jo gets home from school. 

“ nah, ”  mccoy echoes,  because there’s not much of a reason to lie to jim.  their friends,  jo’s teachers,  his mom ---- he and joss have gotten pretty damn good at keeping up their facade.  no need to get anyone else worried. “ nothing to do about it now,  though.  joss storm past you on your way out? ”