King AC

Sometimes people think about how the past year went in terms of what they accomplished. If that makes you happy, that’s great.

Consider, however, that it’s also possible to think in terms of: did 2020 make me happy. Did I learn some useful things. How was I more or less like the person I want to be.

And: how would I like 2021 to be different? How do I want to be different in 2021?

You don’t have to be productive. You don’t have to be accomplished. You don’t have to be independent. You don’t have to make anybody else happy or comfortable or proud.

You can choose your own standards for what makes your life good, and what sorts of things you think are worth doing.

And this isn’t, like, suggesting everyone just crawl into a ball of self-absorption. Lots of us want to be compassionate, generous, selfless, etc. Those are our standards, our values. Sometimes living on your own terms can mean making reference to other people: I want to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am, I want to be the kind of person my kids can be proud of, I want to be more like my grandma or more like (historical figure/fictional character/religious figure), etc. It’s OK to use other people for guidelines or inspiration.

It’s also OK to take other people’s opinions briefly under consideration and then ignore them.

(Basically: sometimes balance means focusing more on the self, sometimes it means focusing less on the self, which one is right for you will depend on the circumstances, sometimes focusing on what’s good for yourself actually makes you a kinder person who’s easier to be around.)

Our lives have inherent value. We do not have to earn worth.