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I'll give myself a niacin flush in the middle of winter to remember what the beach feels like.

My FedEx updates:

12:34 - Your package has been delivered!

16:21 - We think it's been delivered. Go look outside again, fatty.

18:25 - Your neighbors are thieves, go question them about it.

19:36 - Ok, your package was actually just delivered right now.

#fedex #wtf #fuckinga

I deleted my Uber app and added chia seeds to a Michelob Ultra. I'm dying here.

If I can't drink at my nephew's two-year-old birthday party, then I'm definitely not going.

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

In the realm of household duties, I'm more of a Mike Rowe while she gets to remain the elegant and classy Marie Kondo.

Whenever someone makes fun of my sweet little boy cat.

#forrestgump #lol

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