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#vent stuff to follow in tags cw animal illness.#my cat has been injured and has brain damage and i feel absolutely disconnected from reality and insane from the emotional whiplash of it#first day we brought her home after she was injured we were expecting her to die in the night or have to be put down#then there was relative progress almost immediately. then i went back to my apartment in a different city.#then she plateaued. and we were expecting to have to put her down again.#and actually with my parents going on holiday soon and me petsitting/nursing in their stead it was actually um. sort of my call#so in a very real sense ive spent the last 24hrs expecting to say goodbye. and trying to deal with the preemptive grief.#we've had this cat for 15 years and i love her so so much.#anyway. progress today. which means we're holding out hope for more progress again.#which upsettingly means there is no end in sight. sucks to admit it but there was at least catharsis in ending it#so now i feel relief that my cat can kind of walk again. has some of her personality back.#and utterly unmoored that i once again have no idea what the next few weeks look like for me.
