I was told there would be cake

He sits on that for awhile. Telling himself that he doesn’t need anything more besides his family. But, when he looks around at his family’s lives, he can’t help but feel like he’s somehow stagnated. It’s not that he’s unhappy, he just realizes that he wants…. more.

The first person he mentions it to is Tommy. He’s surprised with how easy Tommy takes it. How easily the comment comes that Tommy thinks he’d make a good captain. So, Buck starts voicing his worries and reasons he thinks it won’t work out.

“Evan,” Tommy, says one evening that Buck had spent the entire time cooking dinner talking about feeling like he’d be betraying Chimney and the rest of the 118 by leaving, “it’s okay to want more out of your career. Just because the rest of them are happy with where they’re at, doesn’t mean it’s where you’re happy at.”

“But it was Bobby’s house. We’re the ones that were there when he was,” Buck protests. Tommy walks up and gently takes the spatula out of his hand. He turns the heat off the burner and pulls his boyfriend a step away from the hot stove.

“Just because the station was memorialized, doesn’t mean the staff has to be,” Tommy said raising his brows, “Bobby isn’t there any more. He’ll always be part of each of you. He left his mark and legacy in you, no matter where you go.” He hesitates a moment, before continuing, “Also, not every captain is the right fit. When Bobby came to the 118, there were a lot of transfers. Both on Bobby’s side and some of the firefighters’ side. He was a mixed bag for me. I’d have been fine under him, but it’s never been the same for me as it was for Hen and Howie. Harbor is a much better fit for me.”

“But, it’s Chimney,” Buck protested weakly. Tommy gave him a sad smile.

“I like Howie, you know I do,” he said, “we’re friends and we get along. But he’s also your brother-in-law. That adds another level. You leaving. It isn’t a failure on anyone’s part. Some people stay in the same house forever. Some move around. Sometimes. You just outgrow the first house you started in.” Buck ducked his head and smiled sheepishly.

“I uh, I kinda felt like it was the opposite,” Buck said, rubbing the back of his head. Tommy gently put his fingers under Buck’s chin and guided him to meet his eyes.

“Everyone else has grown into their position,” Tommy said, “same as you. It’s okay to realize you want more, and that you have to go to another house to continue to grow.”

Buck closed the distance and kissed Tommy. It took them awhile to remember dinner.

~~

Buck sat in their conversation some more. Which was new for him. He usually blurted these conversations out with the 118. Or talked through his life decisions with them, but this one he couldn’t.

The next person he talked to was Athena. They had a rough start after Bobby died, but eventually had found their way to monthly dinners. Sometimes Tommy joined them (Athena was the first person they told they were back together). Sometimes May and/or Harry join them. But Buck also enjoys the dinners they have that’s just him and Athena. Somewhere along the way, he realized that just as Bobby became a father figure to him, Athena has become a mother figure.

Buck valued Athena’s opinion, and though the conversation about leaving the 118 was tough, it was a good one. It helped Buck to hear that Athena thought he could still honor Bobby, even if he didn’t stay at the 118.

“You know,” Athena said studying Buck over her glass of wine, their dinner long finished. “He wanted you to take the lieutenant’s exam.”

“He did?” Buck asked, surprise on his face.

“Mmhmm. He kept meaning to talk to you about it, but one thing would happen and another. He believed in you. He saw how much you loved the job. He also saw how impulsive you could be and didn’t always appreciate you running head first into problems,” she said raising her brows. Buck ducked his head. “But he saw the potential. He knew that, if you wanted, you could be a captain.”

“I-I didn’t realize,” Buck murmured softly. Athena gave him a small smile.

They chatted some more as Buck helped clean the kitchen. He protested when she gave him half the left overs.

“Really, Athena, it’s alright,” he said. She ignored him and pushed the Tupperware into his hands as she opened the door.

“And there’s no way I get through all the leftovers before they go bad. So we can bother enjoy them,” she said. Buck finally accepted defeat and stepped outside.

“You know,” she said, lingering in the door, “Bobby was proud of you. How much you’ve grown since you were a probie. I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way, Buckaroo. I see Bobby in you. In the way you take care of everyone. That legacy doesn’t have to stay at the 118. And, if you had taken the lieutenant exam and there hadn’t been a place for you at the 118, Bobby would have kicked you out of there so you could keep spreading your wings.” Buck gave her a teary eyed smiles.

“And I’d have been worried I was being fired,” Buck said with a wet chuckle. Athena laughed and shook her head.

“And I’d have had you two sitting at that dining room table talking some sense into you, just like I did tonight,” she said. Buck quickly stepped back to Athena and enveloped her in his arms.

“Thanks Athena,” he murmured.

“You’re welcome, Baby,” she said, just as softly, before sending him on his way.

~~

Instead of blindsiding Chimney with a request in his inbox this time, he sits down and talks to him. The first time, it’s at the end of a shift and in Chimney’s office. It doesn’t go well. They’re both tired after a long shift. They both leave frustrated.

Tommy lets Buck vent about. And yeah, after hearing it out loud, Buck can see where he probably blindsided Chimney with that. Tommy also knows Chimney doesn’t always have the best way with words, especially when it comes to Buck. Tommy hadn’t really noticed it before he started dating Evan. But, when the love of your life is the butt of a lot of then ‘jokes’ your friend makes, it’s hard not to notice.

Chimney deploys Maddie on Buck, and that’s another conversation. But, they come out of it and Buck thinks that maybe Maddie can see where he’s coming from. He’s not surprised when that’s followed up with an invitation for dinner. He brings Tommy for support and even shifts the night for the dinner when the first proposed date Tommy is on shift.

The dinner doesn’t go how any one imagines. Chimney figured they could all talk some sense into Buck, Maddie finds herself stuck trying to support both her brother and husband, Tommy finds himself somehow more involved, when he’d only been planning to go and silently support Buck. Buck thought he’d be able to get Chimney to understand where he’s coming from. If he’s being honest with himself, he thought they’d come away with Chimney happy for Buck, instead of reluctantly agreeing.

By the end of the dinner, they’ve hashed out a lot, but things will take longer to really work out. By the end of the dinner they’d come to the agreement that Buck would take the lieutenant’s exam. If he passed, Buck would put in for a transfer to a station that had a more active role for a lieutenant. If he failed, he’d remain at the 118 until he passed.

~~

When the results came in, Buck had to tell the rest of the 118 the news, and he put in the paperwork for his transfer. It came with mixed reviews, and a lot of conversations.

Of everyone, Ravi was the most understanding and took Buck out for celebratory drinks. Hen didn’t seem to understand his want to leave the family, but she was happy for him.

He and Eddie had a fight. They had several fights and a few weeks of the silent treatment. Eddie still wasn’t happy about it, but when Buck had pointed out they hadn’t been partners in years, it had maybe helped a little.

It helped more that, once Buck’s transfer went through, it became clear it really didn’t affect their friendship. They didn’t spend as much time together because they didn’t work together, but the amount of time they had to hang out didn’t change all that much. Sure, their schedules didn’t align the same way and that ate into some of their social time. But they really didn’t see each other any less, outside of work.

~~

It was weird, at first. Some days it felt like Buck had put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot. But he enjoyed the challenge of learning the response zone of the house he transferred to. It was also different being in a house where his probie days didn’t haunt him.

Despite being the new transfer, he found that his new team found him experienced. It somewhat came with the new title of lieutenant that he carried, but he also realized he did have the experience. He had worked almost as long as most of the more experienced people on the team. But there were also people he had more experience than because he’d been on the job longer.

His new captain had made one comment about knowing Bobby and him being a good captain, when Buck first arrived. Then, they’d left it at that. It was weird for Buck to realize how much of his identity as a firefighter had been tied into the 118. The first month he was worried he’d made a mistake. But as soon as they were on a scene, his doubts left.

~~

It took awhile, but eventually he settled in. Things were awkward with the 118 for awhile, but eventually that worked itself out too. Buck found he was much more fulfilled at work. It was different. The atmosphere of the house was different, but the mentorship of the captain was nice. She’s not at all like Bobby. But it works.

As Buck works towards becoming a captain himself, he starts realizing that he doesn’t have to be just like Bobby or just like his new captain. He can be himself, as well as what he likes about the leadership style of those he’s learned from. He also finds the separation from Chimney, as his brother in law at work, helps their relationship a lot.