Ramblings About Everything

I Seriously hate rodeos… they are cruel to animals

To make a horse and bull buck like they do, they tie up their genitals. That’s what the rope on the rump is for. Once the rider is gone the rodeo people run up and pull the string and release their genitals. While the clown tries to make the animal chase them, in the right direction so the extras can get the rope. It’s messed up,

I’d be seriously pissed off if someone did that to any of my girlie bits.

And that is how I’ve felt seeing my first rodeo back in my teens. So it was seriously hilarious to me when I was working as crowd control security in my early 20’s. One of the first few events we did was the rodeo here in town. My boss got on the radio and told me to guard the side door and to make sure none of the rodeo hating groups get let in. I told him I’d be fine with that and all the while I was thinking… You left the wolf guarding the hen house to make sure no wolves got in. My best friend at the time verbally told my boss he’d check on me and see if I might need some help. There are two reasons he asked...

First, I weighed about 110 pounds soaking wet and nobody ever believed I could harm them. It was the blonde hair I had at the time, I swear! lol

The second, and the most important reason. My best friend was well aware of my distaste for rodeos. I’d be more than willing to take a quick bathroom break when the animal rights activists showed up. And ‘accidentally’ let them show up while I’m in the bathroom, thereby allowing them to go protest or whatever they wanted to go do.

📘 spoilers ahead

A few weeks ago I started watching the end of shows. I know that sounds weird but the only show I’d ever watched until the series finale was Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis. There were quite a few shows I just stopped watching so I wouldn’t have to see the end. It started with Suburgatory, and now I’ve decided to watch The Handmaids Tale…

The first time I started watching this, I thought it was thee most f’ed up thing I’d ever seen honestly. Like… wtaf just happened. And that question honestly kept me watching. I kept wanting to know what happened to the United States that this… travesty was allowed to not only take root but to thrive.

I can’t help my curious nature, it will probably get me into deep trouble one day. Originally I wanted to be a reporter, in curious and want to know everything once I decide I need to know. Like our current president, my father kept getting mad that I made comments about him being like mustache boy from the Second World War. So I made it my mission to find every single detail of how he got started, how he became… him. I knew a lot once upon a time but now I’ve relearned it… and forgotten it again. My f’ing memory strikes again. But I took notes and made my arguments next time we talked… wow, totally off topic

Something I completely missed, possibly, the first time I watched this. They surgically removed a woman’s clit… seriously and because she was gay. They made her into a handmaid, you didn’t ask if she was gay. 🙄 Guess I missed when she told the semi mentally checked handmaid that they stole her clit.

This whole part when the handmaids give birth… really irks me to no end. While the handmaid is giving birth upstairs, with a bunch of other handmaids in attendance and aunt Lydia, in the marital bed… where the poor handmaids was forced to lay while raped by the commanders, the wives are downstairs with the other wives acting like they are giving birth.

I just… they made this show for people like me… I’ll swear to it. I want to know The details of how this happened, and I’ve gleaned a few ideas but…

They are at a ball with the commanders and the wives. Fred walks up to Serena and says “You look amazing” like she’s not wearing the same shade of blue every other wife is wearing.

So… the men came up with Gilliad having the handmaids so they can rape them once a month because they can’t have a baby any other way. And deep down those same men think handmaids are nothing but whores. Amazing 🙄 freaking hypocrites

Now… I’ve learn more patience the older I’ve become and I ignored that their kid sounded like he was jumping off the furniture all the time. However, my patience is very short when I’ve got a migraine that’s gotten so bad that sound finally starts hurting my head. And one day I got a migraine that was that bad and none of my kids were home. So I dragged my unhappy hurting throbbing head upstairs to my neighbors door and knocked. I asked if they could please keep their kid from stomping around, I’ve got a massive migraine and all the stomping is making my head hurt worse. They told me I could talk to their kid… like it’s my place to tell him to be quiet. I told them they could do it, he’s their kid and I’m not asking forever… because I know kids are kids. I’m just asking for now. Needless to say, he didn’t stop and I’d swear he did it more but that could have been me.

So, after all those years I was forced to move. I couldn’t find a nice townhouse or house to rent and needed out of my mother’s house. Forced was the truest word and not because of me. It was because the plumbing needed replacing and the pipes were incased in the cement that was my floor. Which forced me to my parents house and my ptsd got reopened I suppose you could say… it was bad and living with them was not my first choice but my daughter had to move also.

Now… anytime I watch a movie or tv show or read a book and someone miscarries… I feel like there’s a black hole of pain in my chest. Just opening a hole my chest and pain like nothing that can be described. Does that mean I have to forgive myself? I know I didn’t do anything to bring on the miscarriages, they happened and couldn’t be helped or stopped.

How do you forgive yourself… or are you just doomed to forever feel this… to mis-quote one of my favorite muse titles… am I doomed to feel like I have a super massive black hole of pain inside me when I see someone who’s going through or has woken up to be told she’s had a miscarriage or to read a book where a woman is described as having a miscarriage? Because I’m not as old as I think I am and it’s hurt this way since it’s was happening… the last time being two decades ago. The first time being three decades ago.

This is my favorite game. I regret not signing up and going but I honestly couldn’t. I was too worried my mother would steal my second daughter like she did my first. I think going out there would have been a great thing for me and now that I’m months away from hitting 50, overweight, taking over 9 medications a day… I can tell you there’s no way they’re accepting me to go.

Besides, they always go to Fuji now. It would have been interesting to go other places around the world.

I woke up this morning and my pain level was at a 6…. Normally it’s only between 3-4. Can we say thank you fibromyalgia and mysterious lower back pain?

I’m scheduled to actually get the radio frequency ablation done next month and it should bring down my everyday pain levels. By how much? The Goddess herself only knows. Because I’ve proven the pain in my body is there but I can only focus on one area at a time. My lower back pain is causing so much pain. I can’t stand and do my job for 45 minutes without needed to sit down. Today it’s just a throbbing pain that occasionally shoots pain coursing up my back straight to where my head hurts.

It just all hurts… a few years ago I’d have called out of work. And the main problem would have been driving to work. I drove a standard transmission for almost 20 years, she was over 20 when I, laughably, traded her in for an automatic. Didn’t get much for her, but I sure do miss her. But shifting gears as much as I would have to drive over to work, through all 15 stop lights… yeah, that would make the pain level way too high.

And might I just say… my baby, standard transmission for over 20 years. She was a Ford, and she got me from Texas, to Kentucky, Kansas, California, Oregon, and Washington. Broke down a few times because the alternator kept going out… I stopped leaving cords plugged into the outlets, just locked the car instead of arming it with the key fab… the alternator problems stopped happening. Only other problem was having to replace the clutch, that cost me a small fortune.

Honestly, it doesn’t always come down to who manufactured your car. You make sure you keep up with the service upkeep, and she’ll take care of you. But that how I see the car war about Ford, Chevy, Dodge whoever else. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok… my highest up the ladder boss made it possible in October for over 800 people to keep their jobs. I wasn’t thrilled about how she managed it but, I thought the money was seriously needed because those 800 people are needed, especially in the winter months.

Now we’re in January… the other side of the isle (I’m not on either side, thank you very much) got enough signatures together in two months, it was about 15,000 signatures. It’s impressive to get that many in two months. They are wanting to put the increased taxes and other increased fees to be put on hold so it can be place on the November ballet so the people can vote if they want that change to happen or not. That’s a lot of signatures…. I wouldn’t have signed. The people don’t know why this bill was passed. They don’t know what’s at stake. But it’s a moot point now.

So my high up boss sees that the Secretary of State verified all signatures and so she decides she wants to undo what she had passed. Throwing out what was done and possibly having to lay off those 800+ people.

The best part… she’s not doing it because she wants to do a better bill they can all agree on (they tried that last year and it took a special session and brow beating to pass the first one). I’d like to believe her pretty words but… it’s an election year. If she tries to push for higher fees and higher taxes… she won’t be reelected. Simple as that.

There’s so much to say and no real place to begin.

The other day I ran across a movie about LBJ and I realized he was JFK’s vp. And I 🤦🏻‍♀️ I asked Alexa about LBJ being behind the JFK assignation. She basically told me it was Oswald and stopped waiting for another response (I have it setup to wait for follow-up questions). Guess that’ll tell me… 😂

Today I’m trying to explain to one of my kids, via text, about Oswald, how many shots were fired, who got hit with shots, how long until Oswald was caught. I know I have the information in my big rattling skull but it wasn’t coming up. So, I kept asking Alexa… she kept saying she was happy to help me learn more about the Kennedy assignation and this part of our history.

I told my daughter that after all these years… all the reading and research. Those three shots, only two hit the President. And I believe Oswald made only one shot and it’s the one that didn’t hit our President. I believe he ran and was helped in hiding for those 70ish hours so plans could be put into place on how to dispose of him after he was arrested for the death of President Kennedy. Once those plans had been made, he was found, arrested for the murder, then heading from police headquarters to county jail here was shot and killed.

There will never be a day, unless you can give me irrefutable proof, that I believe Oswald was the only shooter that day. I would love to go back in time and watch from each vantage point to see who did fire the shots… did all three really come from Oswald? Was there a shooter on the grassy knoll? Was there a shooter somewhere else?

I realize your basket can be missing eggs and you’re still very capable of pulling the trigger and hiring your mark. But to evade capture after something so highly… charged is the only words I can find but it doesn’t fit right… once one shot was heard, you’ve got secret service Dallas police, Texas troopers, Texas rangers and anything else with a badge and gun looking for an active shooter. Now, Oswald fires off two more rounds while all the commotion is going on. People yelling, women and children screaming, maybe even Jackie screaming. So after firing off all three shots, he hides his rifle and races down the stairs to try to avoid the pandemonium, shots a cop (dumbass), and then slips into a movie theater where he’s later caught me he didn’t buy a ticket to the movie.

Now… I’ve got to get this straight.

Oswald-

I’ve decided that when President Kennedy gets here I’m going to kill him

I mail order the rifle to do it

I set it all up, I supposedly shoot three bullets, two killing Kennedy.

I hide my rifle, because I don’t want to be seen carrying it downstairs and on the streets

I shoot a cop because I thought he knew something about what I’ve just done.. (dumbass)

And to give the biggest dumbass award of the century… let’s go into a movie theater, after assassinating the president, without paying so they’ll call the cops on me.

I swear to Bob… sounds like a mastermind until the end… or a puppet on a short string that lost its directions and then many many many hours later someone shoots him in the head so he can’t blab about who put him up to this.

Us? Russia? Cuba? Anybody want to throw their hat in the ring?

I’ve been trying to force Christmas joy into myself… let me tell you it’s not completely working for me. I did some light decorating at work. I did barely any decorating at home… hung a stocking, put garland around the bookshelf nearest my door and some usb lights around the garland. And finally put my Christmas tree up a couple of days ago.

Now I’m going to my daughters for Christmas and I need to wrap her presents for her and her family along with my granddaughters birthday present… I’m annoyed with myself. I’m not wrapping perfectly anymore. Stupid thing to be annoyed about but … eh

I didn’t get them all wrapped before I had to go to bed last night. Only had 5 or 6 more but, it was taking me 10-15 minutes to wrap just one gift. What?! I’m a perfectionist and it’s got to be perfect! And I didn’t put the ribbons on it like I wanted to yet.

My granddaughter and I spent a weekend a few months ago designing a skateboard for her for Christmas. That’s what she said she wanted, so grandma said she’d get it. Somehow I ordered the display skateboard, that you hang on a wall… not sure how. I had the actual skateboard that said “comes out of the box ready to use” in my cart and I got the display in the mail showing I clicked yes on including grip tape and yes on wall mount. I don’t understand how that happened. Now I’m waiting to seeing what, if anything, the company will do to help.

📘 Spoilers Season 5

It was hard to sit and watch at first… I suppose after all the action and drama of the last couple of episodes of season 4 and the season finale… episode 1 of season 5 was pretty… anticlimactic. I won’t go into details because while it says spoilers… I hate spoiling it for others… but I do have questions…

Like… what the French toast are they doing when Hopper goes into the upside-down and they drive around “tuned into him?” That baffles my mind honestly. Maybe if all of my brain worked together it would, but it doesn’t, so that doesn’t. Say La vie.

And omg… Will… I’ll be honest, Will has seemed kinda sad to me the last four seasons. I felt bad for him in season 1 and 2 but after that he was just… trying to shrink into the shadows instead of trying to fight against this thing or speak up when he got that weird bumpy feeling along his neck. It wasn’t until near the end of season 4 that Will started acting like part of the party. He kept wanting to game but never thought of life as the ultimate game of d&d. Just with different types of monsters that don’t look like monsters at all. Idk

But… my goodness, Will was starting to see through the eyes of so many different things. But it wasn’t until the Gorgan backed away from Will’s mom that I thought maybe he could control them. But, I never saw what he turned into coming… all I have to say is… Hello 12? lol 1.5? Idk and it suck’s they didn’t put anymore out after that one… jerkwads.

With that said…. This is the first time I’ve bruised so much from it. And the one before this one… The doctor had to kinda dig for because we couldn’t find it at first. I mean, there’s 4cm worth of bruising around the new implant, she said they are moving the implants to a different spot in the arms now.

There’s about 2cm of bruising around where the implant was that had to be removed. And that implant I could have removed with an exacto knife and tweezers it was so close to the surface. It used to rub on my clothes and start hurting.

The last doctor who put the implant in said I wouldn’t need another one because I’d be going through menopause. Well… jokes on him, I’ve only pulled out two symptoms of perimenopause’s hat. So I’m fine to have it again for three more years.

They talked about giving me a pregnancy test. I giggled and said “No offense intended but unless there’s a bright star in the north… I’m not pregnant.” So they ask me the most dreaded question anybody can ask me now days. And only one other person has asked… oddly enough, it was my daughter’s best friend who asked first. But my doctor asked. When was the last time you were asexually active?

And while it’s a question she was the second person to ask… I’m not giving a direct answer. It’s been a long while, we’ll leave it at that. My daughter’s breast friend wanted me to use an app to find someone to at least have a one night stand with. I don’t believe in one night stands… not exactly. I had sex with an acquaintance, I thought it would be weird afterwards but… well, we actually haven’t seen each other afterwards and we were so drunk he probably doesn’t even remember. It wasn’t memorable 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t have causal sex as a rule, it’s just not me. New Year’s Eve party aside. I want to be in a relationship before I have sex with someone… I really was born in the wrong decade 😂 And while I’m a progressive woman, I’m pro choice because I have no right telling someone what they can or can’t do with their body… simple as that. Their body, their choice. I won’t do it, I’m not emotionally strong enough to survive that. But to each their own.

I also don’t believe in party lines… I’ve been accused of being a Democrat. I’ve been accused of being a Republican, that really cracks me up because I’m as far from a Republican as one can get. I’m an independent. I voted for a Republican last election for a governor here in Oregon because I thought she might do a better job than the last four democrats have. That’s who I vote for, the person who can get the job done.

I’m furious with the people of this “wonderful” state that… we, my coworkers and myself, work to keep Oregon running. They are out there, making the roads better and safer to drive on, especially with winter coming up. And I know that nobody likes change and raised prices but come on… we’re talking about people’s jobs, critical jobs that will make driving conditions in the winter worse. Well, not exactly worse for those in the heart of the valley and those people live in their own little bubble… but snap the hell out of it y’all. Outside the heart of the valley… The roads won’t get cleared as soon as normal, some not at all, depending where they are. Roads might not get de-iced like they used to, depending on where they are. I don’t like the thought of that. I know the passes will get cleared before anything else and major roads after freeways/highways/interstates. But think of the road between Bend and Prineville… that will take longer to get cleared if they didn’t have time to get over and de-ice it the night before. The kids bus routes? Might have been de iced the night before… might not have. Snow plow won’t be by as soon as normal because nobody wanted prices to increase. Inflation, it’s happening everywhere, with everything. It’s not stopping at the boarder of Oregon because we have a democratic or republican governor. It’s here, and ODOT needs funding to keep Oregon running.

Some of the prices are seriously bonkers… I mean… how dare they. 🙄

The gas tax is being raised .06 making it 0.46 a gallon

A payroll tax increase from 0.1% up to 0.2%

Now… the ones I’m not even happy with but I’ll swallow so others can have their jobs…

An additional $42 to register your vehicle, moving my personal vehicle reg renewal from $123 (I think it was around that price) up to $165 not that bad really

An additional $139 when you put the title to your car in your name or in your and the banks name. I honestly don’t remember the full price, it’s not my department. But I think it adding $139 to the $165 plus other fees. Which sucks, but I personally only had a few suggestions on how to lower our budget and it wouldn’t have worked because it’s not the way the Oregon works. ODOT sends money to each city and county so they have funds to repair roads and other projects like that. Cut that and the cities and counties would flounder because that’s how it’s always been, the state taking care of the cities and counties. There’s bonds that we’ve been paying off since the mid 70’s… there’s no corners to cut without inflicting some pain to some part of Oregon. We’ve killed every empty job, if it was open and looking for someone… it was closed. We’ve had people retire early, and close their jobs. The only jobs available are to retire, if you have enough time in that it’s feasible. And yet, the public knows best… they believe they can reverse the bill that allows ODOT to not layoff the almost 1000 employees and the serious disaster that winter would envelop Oregon in. And the lawmakers who were not listened to when the bill passed helped get the signatures needed to get part of that bill passed and put on the ballot so the voters… who only know a small version of the truth… can vote on how much money they’ll have to give up when they register or title their car/truck/motorcycle/etc and yes, even the electric vehicles took a hit. The energy program that most of the Oregonians with electric vehicles sign up for when faced with the alternative, will be charged $30 more whenever they do whatever it is they do. I haven’t contemplated an electric car. I was thinking a hybrid like the iconiq from Hyundai. They’re just a bit spendy for me.

So, the lawyer said they wouldn’t do anything. Good to know my suffering isn’t enough for them to take on the case. She gets to slide and get away with it

Since when is it okay to mess with your patients medication without telling them or even talking to them? When??

I want to lash out at my doctor and throw her to the wolves but I don’t know how.

I have insomnia and she suggests we lower my medication for it. Either that or my fibromyalgia medication. So I tell her we can TRY. And I tell her try, and tell her if it doesn’t work we’ll have to figure something else out if she wants to lower how many medications I’m on.

We try, it messes with my insomnia and by messes… I mean I get up in the middle of the night for no reason and am tired at work, and that tired has nothing to do with my narcolepsy (please don’t ask, I’m a walking mess)… and being tired at work leads to me falling asleep, which leads to my boss finding me asleep at my desk, getting mad at me again, saying that he thought we had that taken care of… etc …

I rolls her all of that and thought we were on the same page. We are NOT on the same page. She sent a new ‘script in for my sleeping meds but doesn’t tell me that she’s lowered the dosage on them. I think she’s read the message I sent her about it not working and seeing if we can try one of my other medications.

📘 Spoilers about Season 3 and 4

During season 3, the thing from the upside down is becoming real. As disgusting and nauseating as it is, it has a real form. It could take on the form of anybody it… ate. So why not try to take over the world that way? Why destroy Hawkins and bring the upside down into the rightside up?

Ok, after further watching of season 3 and watching the gelapolated mess that is the mindflayer… I’ll retract my question and try not to get queasy when that mess gets more liquidity to go under a door… for some reason that makes me nauseous, nothing else really does 😂

📘 spoilers about Wicked

I have loved this movie for my entire life. My grandma and I would pop popcorn, go cuddle up on the couch and watch it every time the movie would come on tv. It has been my favorite memory of her for as long as I can remember. I’ve kept it wrapped around my heart, I’ve missed her for all of my life. She was my grandma, I spent all of my beginning years with her, as far as I remember, until she died when I was a child. It broke me, badly and nobody noticed or cared.

I truly thought I was 8 when she passed away, and before you ask… yes, I have visited her grave many times. I’ve never actually looked at her date of death until this year. I did last year… and it really confused me a I’ll tell you why before I tell you the age I was when she left.

She taught me the right way to peel a potato, always push it away from you. We were cooking my favorite dinner, her clam chowder. And I had told her I wanted to help cook. She put me on peeling potato duty.

She also owned and operated her own preschool/daycare. I remember learning my abc’s and learning to read with her. I loved reading with her. She taught me how to color, you color in small circles and it’ll look far more neater. She was right, I still do it that way… I still love coloring too 😂

Oddly enough, she taught me how to fold towels, washcloths, hand towels, and fitted sheets. Fitted sheets are still folded by rolling them up into balls nowadays. 😂

She was the best woman I’ve ever known next to my other grandma, my dad’s mom who I didn’t meet for some time much later. But when I think about my earliest childhood memories…. I have a few of my mom but most of them are all of my grandma.

My favorite thing to do with her was always watching The Wizard of Oz with her. Now when I watch it, I always think of her. She was a very special woman to me and apparently I was only 6 years old when she was taken from me by cancer.

It’s been over 40 years and it still hurts like it was yesterday… I still should have kicked the doctor in the shin, he said she expired. Like she’s some kind of milk container in the fridge. It really just erked me, even as a kid.

When I saw an advertisement does Wicked I really wanted to go see it. My little sisters went to see it and said I’d love it. I wanted to see it but it never played here, and I really didn’t have the money to fly off and go see it. Once it was turned into a movie… it was weird, I really WANTED to see it but I couldn’t make myself do it

What’s it called when you have no faith in your favorite diamond painting company? My current canvas is supposed to have 97,781 drills… I’m looking at what I’ve done, what I have left in my storage containers waiting to be attached, and the amount of canvas I have left. I’m not sure I have enough drills to finish this. 🧐

I had to get extra drills from the same company for the last canvas I was doing. I ordered two for that one also. This one I ordered replacements for because they want me to finish the canvas before I let them know.

It’s that time of year… this is a holiday I’m not sure I can stand being anymore. I’m not sure I can get behind a lot of holidays anymore lately… unless it’s spoiling my kids and grands, then I like those holidays. But honestly, who doesn’t?

But thanksgiving… I’m always thankful for many things in my life. Have been since the day I realized I was pregnant and I didn’t actually kill her.

The baby’s father told me to get an abortion, he didn’t want a child. My mother found out and said I couldn’t raise a child. Then the baby’s father tells me we’re done, it’s over. And for the best part, my parents are still letting him live there because 1) they’re still remodeling the house and he’s helping and 2) I’m pregnant with his child. So, add a rational 16 year old pregnant woman would be… I went for a run while bawling because with six kids in the house there is NO privacy anywhere.

I then proceeded to beat to hell out of myself. When I didn’t miscarry, I figured there was a reason for it and I should stop trying to take my own life or hers. That the goddess had a purpose for my child and I should keep out of the way. …. That sounds so ridiculous but it was exactly what I thought at the time. I was bruised, not deeply, but bruised nonetheless.

I decided after that to find a job, my parents could have the guy helping remodeling the house help take care of the kids is I was working. The school had kicked me out and wouldn’t let me back in after finding out asshat was the father of my unborn child (Not sure how legal that was but my parents didn’t seem to care much).

From that day, I lived for my unborn child. Though, I had been murderous when my pregnant sister went after my child’s sperm donor… it was only going to be a small push 😇

Luckily, that was over 30 years ago and I only want to Gibbs smack her now days… a lot. And deserves it for being so dense sometimes. She’s one of those people who believe sacrificing yourself for others is a gods idea. And I realize they are our parents… but they abused each other and one abused us and the other one never stopped her, he only verbally and emotionally abused us, our maybe it was only me. Anyway, knowing all the abuse suffered my entire childhood, the only one they never inflicted on its was sexual… that was delivered from other people, but that’s a horse of a different color.

Ok, during all this abuse there was a strict “code” I suppose you could call it…. Family obligation, in obligated to be at my family’s house for major holidays. Before my great aunts died… we were obligated to show up at my aunt Dora’s for Easter and Thanksgiving, great grandmas for Christmas Eve and my parents for the Fourth of July. Now days it’s all suppose to be at my parents house but I’m slowly chipping away at that post that says I have to be there for major holidays.

Because of all the abuse and that I haven’t been able to work past all of it yet (I’m seriously thinking of writing it as a book and publishing it as fiction because nobody would believe it as truth). I’ll be honest, if my baby brother doesn’t show up, it was be a…. a decent gathering.

I’m just seriously tired of watching my mother die. And it sounds awful but I’m serious. For the last 10 years she has had to lose 20 pounds so she can go on the kidney replacement list. That it’s…. 10. Freaking. Years… 20. Freaking. Pounds. I know weight loss is hard, and if she were actively trying I wouldn’t be so… grumpy I suppose we can call it about her 20 pounds. But she hasn’t been trying. She bought a treadmill, I thought… that’s great mom, start out slow and work your way up. I’m not even sure she used it once. If I had room for it, I’d ask for it and use it to help me build up my leg muscles. But if I ask, someone in the house will be suddenly using it.

They treat me very badly and wonder why I’m not visiting often…. Gee guys, I don’t know… when you ask for my help I’m always there. When I ask for your help, you’re never there… yep.