lost & alone

so i can be the small one in relationships even if i'm taller than my significant other

so people can stop assuming i'm strong and always want to be in control

so i don't feel guilty while eating in public

so i can borrow clothes and not worry about whether they'll fit or not

so i can wear whatever i want

so i stop lying to myself about looking good

so i stop worrying about my face looking weird

so my eyes and lips appear bigger

so i can stop worrying about my body looking disgusting in pictures

so i can cuddle with people and not worry about my fat rolls

so i can have a small stomach that doesn't droop while laying down

so i can finally be thinner than my sister

so i can stop lying and saying "i don't know" when someone asks me about my weight

so i have delicate fingers instead of sausages

so my dad stops bothering me about exercising with him

so my parents start taking my mental health seriously

so the people i don't like get jealous

so i don't have to worry about being the fat one in the friend group

so clothes look better on me

so i stop lying to myself about me being hot. i'm not. i'm fat. i'm disgusting.

so i can take nudes and lewds without having to pose awkwardly

so i can stop being afraid of sexual intimacy

so people start being interested in me

so i can turn them down, they didn't like me when i was fat - they don't deserve me now

so i can hear "have you lost weight?"

so i can say i'm thin without people looking at me weird

so when i say i'm fat i can hear "what? you're so thin!" instead of "you're not fat"

so i occupy less space

so i'm the one always sitting in other people's laps and not the other way around

so i feel loved and appreciated

so i can get rid of my biggest insecurity and focus on fixing the other ones

so i can stop feeling like i'm faking it

so i don't feel like i failed having an ed anymore

so i can proudly post body checks

so i can be happy with myself

so i feel accomplished

so i can hear "you're body goals"