What's the point of dating or making a list of what I want in a woman, when I already know who it is I want, that this woman possesses the things I want. I'm steady encouraged by everybody to do these things and at times I even try to lie to myself that I should.... But it's like I can't! I seriously can't. It doesn't feel right.... No matter how I look at it. It just doesn't. Emotionally I did cheat, I lusted! I'll admit it. Jesus says that if one looks at a woman with lust, he has committed adultery in his heart. That I did. Yet, He also says that when you look into ones heart, there you will find their treasure. And there is where YOU are. Even now as I write this, my heart hurts for some reason, pounding as though it is reminding me where these words are pouring from, that these words are made for MY TREASURE.... Honestly and truly! My treasure (at this time) may be buried underneath the sand called silence.... Still doesn't mean that my treasure doesn't exist. It's still a treasure, at that, it is still my treasure, for it is my heart and no one else's. I wake up every morning with a hope that one day Jesus will dig up this sand called silence that covers my treasure, so that one day...maybe one day... I will again have my chance to show you, my love, my heart, my za' bb that I am more than who I "claimed" to be. The man you met wasn't Joshua, it was a person who was confused and blinded by the many lies that encompassed him back in a place he called home. That wasn't and isn't my home and that definitely wasn't Joshua. For now, I give my heart and mind over to Jesus, for through my belief in Him, my family will FOREVER serve and believe in. He is the cornerstone and foundation that I will build my family's new legacy. I never understood what a legacy meant until I moved here to SD. I do know that changing a family's legacy is no easy task. Remember when we were at the park and we were looking at trees and I pointed out the things that we couldn't see is what made it stand so tall and firm.... The roots! The foundation! One must truly turn their back in all that they know and rely on something foreign. Something unseen and with most, forgotten. Yet, this foreign "thing" FEELS so familiar!!! And it's so alive, waiting for me to commit, which I am and have been. Maybe you read this, maybe u don't. Maybe you have somebody else and don't really even care.... Just know that this is the direction my family is heading and I hope you hear my heart through this post!!
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