I Feel The Ground Shake Beneath My Feet

Every day is a struggle in my head. It's easy to forget when I look at my babies and think about how much I love them and will be there for them through everything. But when I'm alone with my thoughts, it's easy to remember. Remember that I often hate myself. Remember that I often feel disgusted with myself. Remember that I feel so much more lonely than I ever let anyone see. That I hurt so much more in my head than anyone knows. There is anxiety in there that never goes away, being medicated helps me to forget why I'm anxious, or lowers the severity of it. But it's still always there. Just like the hatred and disgust I have for myself is still always there. But I tell no one. It stays in my mind. Some days I feel great, confident. Many others I don't. I put out how I wish I felt about myself. There is so much that goes on inside my head that revolves around it that no one knows. That don't pass my lips, or my finger tips. I don't like people to see me so vulnerable. To know how easy it is to tear me down. Every small thing stays in my head for days, sometimes weeks, often even longer. Somethings never leave and always come back to haunt my mind.