get you wild, make you leave

moved into my new apartment yesterday and woke up to this beautiful lighting.

cd | Hello, Saturday.

A lot of people ask me about motivation, and usually, I would answer it’s not always motivation but determination because it means that you are disciplined, that you have honed your habits, and that you are enduring and resilient despite your current mental state or mood.

Sometimes though, I think it’s more of my long-term goal that “motivates” me. I use my brain now — exhaust myself — stretch myself in ways I thought unimaginable so I can reach my dreams smoothly. And after med, maybe I’ll have the weekends that I like. Breakfast runs, post-duty errands and the like? Something we call a “life.” Someday, perhaps.

- some notes on Foucault!

it’s been a very long day today! I didn’t have any classes today, so I spent the morning in the library and then continued doing readings for my course at home after lunch✨taught a ballet class in the evening too and I’m soooo ready for bed now😴

Death usually has to take life away. I don’t know if that’s just the animal. I don’t know if it’s not braver to die, but I recognise the habit; the addiction to being alive. So we live past hope. If I can find hope anywhere, that’s it, that’s the best I can do. It’s so much not enough. It’s so inadequate. But still bless me anyway. I want more life.