hurts like hell

        “they say if you get hungry enough, you start eating your own heart.” cecily mutters, bleary-eyed, bed-headed, crumpled like a flightless bird. the bed’s an unfamiliar territory, light peaking through the blinds, hair scattered about her head in a peroxide halo. remnants of the hawkins hell fest linger in her bloodstream, still – white lines and half-frantic fever. “maybe i’ll eat yours, too.”

kat watched as the male’s face changed to something softer, a hint of remorse for his harshness. she wondered what had incited such a defensive initial reaction. perhaps he’s previously had a poor experience at the bar, or maybe he just had a shitty day? she wondered privately. either way, she didn’t take too much insult to his prickly disposition, which had now changed into something different, what seemed like stress became scribbled onto his features. at his question, kat smiled unsurely, a brow quirking up. “i mean, that is what one does at a bar. besides judge the other patrons quietly behind said drink,” she joked, adjusting her bag onto her shoulder. “need some company? or would you rather be left alone?” she asked, her head tilting to the side with the question as she stepped backwards towards the bar, pressing her back against the door to swing it open a bit. 

kat liked sketchy dive bars at night. she wasn’t sure what the allure surrounding it was, but she throughly enjoyed the dull neon signs, the worn down pool tables, the vinyl seats with tears in them. it presented an opportunity, to have heart-to-hearts with drunken strangers, who wouldn’t be able to piece together her face by morning time. to pull out the darkness from her chest, and show it to another human being without fear. it was show-and-tell, featuring gulps of vodka. she felt transparently herself in this gritty, shitty environment. she needed this sort of solace tonight, after all the craziness that had rained down on her as of late given the exposures. before stepping into the bar she had pulled out her phone, in order to reply to an email sent my a professor. something menial, a rescheduling on an interview. in a hurry, she edited the short letter and sent it out. whilst shoving her phone in her pocket, she heard the agitated voice of a male, who apparently was speaking to her. “uh, i’d say about three minutes?” she responded, confusion laced within her voice. “was sending out an email. i reckon i was fairly quick about it, but have i hit some sort of time limit?” she asked jokingly, a brow quirking up. 

“Wild, right?” Fur fringed, Penny Lane inspired coat worn snug on her slim frame and heart-shaped glasses perched quaintly atop a button nose, Lana sat cross legged on the sofa of the dormitory common room, manila envelope in her lap torn open. On top of it, rested a glossy A4 of what could only politely be described as an artistic penile portrait. “Someone slipped it under the door of this guy I’ve been fucking with my name on it. I don’t even get the aim, though. Like, herrow? Is this meant to be the Scooby snack and I’m the Great Dane? Super weird technique. I think he even tried to blow it up to scale. A niche gift but I guess I, like… appreciate the effort. And he left his number, too. A dong and a set of digits. Forget Noah Calhoun, that’s romance.”

The male’s eyebrows furrowed at the photo that was being shown to him. He couldn’t help, but to let out a laugh. “You think that’s to scale?” Kieran shook his head. “Looks like the dude wanted to make it look bigger than what it is.” Kieran took the photo from the other and held it at an arms length, examining it. His lips pursed. “Yeah, I wouldn’t call the number. You wouldn’t be calling for a good time with this guy.” Kieran handed the picture back, his tongue clicking. “You’d be better off burning this.”

Celia stood awkwardly in line as she waited for her name to be called, her body already craving another cup of coffee, perhaps she needed to lay off the caffeine slightly? Wasn’t that her right as a college student though? To be 10% water and 90% coffee? Glancing up when she heard her name albeit mispronounced as Cecilia, she tried her best to maneuver her way to the front. “Hi, yes,” she said, tapping someone awkwardly on the shoulder as they blocked her way to the front. “I kind of need to squeeze past you.” She stated coolly, nodding towards the front of the line where the barista was impatiently waiting for her.

━━ @kieranoniell.

jess couldn’t believe it. she didn’t want to believe it. not because she thought any differently of her brother after seeing his name upon the list of exposed secrets, but because she didn’t want to believe that he hadn’t told her what he had been going through. all those months she’d been living in LA in her element, he’d been in rehab. when he’d needed her the most, she hadn’t been there. it made her feel sick to her stomach. after all the times he’d looked after her, she couldn’t be there for the one time he’d needed her. 

she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hug him and never let go or hit him.

though after the number of dodged calls and texts made after she’d found out the truth, jess was highly considering the latter of the two. how hard was it to send her a quick text? talk later. i’m alright, i just need a moment. it’s all she wanted to stop herself from imagining the worst.

fingers tightened around her phone as eyes studied the constant stream of people exiting out of what she thought was kieran’s recently ended class. she was sick of sitting around with only unanswered texts and waiting for him. if he wasn’t going to come to her, she was going to go to him and there was really nothing like a determined jessica. as eyes caught on a familiar mop of hair, jessica made a b-line for the figure. fingers tightened around a solid upper arm and though it was far harder than she expected, she managed to drag him backwards into the classroom once more. 

closing the door with her foot, jessica’s grip on him slackened as she lent against the door and allowed arms to cross over her chest tightly. there was a moment of pause  before her voice broke through the quiet room. “remember me? or do you need a little refresher since it’s been so long.”

kieran felt bad for ignoring his sister for the time he had, but it was to protect her and himself. he wasn’t ready to talk about it, hence why he never told anyone, but ella. now he thought maybe he shouldn’t have even told her, but he had to tell her why their relationship had ended. kieran didn’t want to burden his sister because he didn’t want or need her to worry about him. it was his job to worry about her. 

though, he had plenty of questions for his sister, he knew that if he were to see her, he’d be the one answering questions. kieran hadn’t been able to concentrate in his classes, lately. he felt as if everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to crack. kieran thought he was over the need for alcohol, but with the current events, it was all he could think of. just one he thought. it wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

finally, his 3D animation class was coming to an end. kieran packed his things and started to leave the room, only to be pulled back in abruptly. his eyebrows furrowed. “what the--” he stopped himself when he saw that it was his sister. kieran looked down at her hand gripped his arm. she had a tight grip, but nothing that could hurt him, it almost mad him want to laugh. “oh, come on.” he let out, his hand fell upon the strap of his backpack as he pulled it more onto his shoulder. thousands of thoughts ran through his mind, but he knew it was better if he let her talk first. letting out a defeated sigh, he spoke. “i’ll tell you all you want to know.” he started. “but not here.” as much as he wanted to deal with it on his own, he had no choice at this point. maybe it’s what he needed for once, help. 

hello its me lyndsay back at it again with the white vans. heres kieran a new musee

TW: ABUSE & ALCOHOLISM