kiarra/kiki

“You call us livestock, but you don’t treat us like livestock. You don’t make sure each of us has been fed, you don’t protect us from predators in the night, you don’t help deliver our young or tend to our ills. You’re not a farmer, you’re a parasite, and we will deal with you accordingly.”

"Look, my boss wants me to grant your wishes in the most obtuse, literal way, so I'm going to do that. HOWEVER, I am technically allowed to let you redo your wishes infinite times if you are unsatisfied. I tell you this because I felt really bad for the last guy. Please don't abuse this rule."

“Hell is an endless carnival. Good food, fun games, cool rides, and it’s all free! Souls who don’t deserve punishment get to have as much fun as they want to, but souls who do deserve it, like yourself, have to work. So get to it, and don’t mess up cuz’ that lava dunk tank’s calling your name!”

A little known fact is that when under a truth spell, you can simply ask “why” they need to know instead of being forced to answer. You’ve already gone through 3 inquisitors, and the fourth looks like they are about to burst a vein.

You were born with the ability to see how many times a person has avoided death. It's been decently useful, but humans are fragile, so the number above most heads is pretty high. One day at a diner with your friends you realize something strange: the number above the waiter's head is a zero.

You are the captain of the royal guard, today is your day off, and a rookie who doesn't recognize tries to arrest you for bumping into him.

We’ve all heard tales of the moon being made of cheese, but what if it were made of bones? Bone fragments. Bone dust. Partial skeletons from animals we have no name for, no knowledge of. What if the moon were made of bones?

The summoned hero has one critical flaw: They have sociopathic and psychopathic traits. However, psychopathy and sociopathy don't automatically equate to being a bad person. The hero genuinely tries to do the right thing, resulting in situations which are either hilarious or horrifying...

A tragedy at sea ended with a spoiled rich kid/teen and a poor kid/teen marooned on an island. Years pass; they're found. Both have become hardened, scarred survivors. Their families struggle to reconcile the people they knew to who they are now, especially since they're now fond of each other.

You are a warlock who made a contract with your patron when you were 5. You don't really remember why you did it, but one thing that has become apparent. Your patron keeps treating you like a child even 30 years later.

You, an elf, married a human, built a small farm and raised children. Your children grew up, had families, and started farms nearby. So did their children, and those children’s children. Now your many descendants have formed a bustling city and you are known as the official “town grandparent”.

The prince has been cursed, forcing him to live the rest of his life as a woman. At least that's the story the royal family is going with, because apparently an "unbreakable genderswap curse" is (sadly) much more acceptable than the princess being trans.

The prince has been cursed, forcing him to live the rest of his life as a woman. At least that's the story the royal family is going with, because apparently an "unbreakable genderswap curse" is (sadly) much more acceptable than the princess being trans.

Wait, are you telling me you know the Destroyer of Kingdoms? The evil being we've spent years fighting? "Do I know him? That jerk owes me money."

Unfortunately, you were born with too small of a mana reserve to do magic. That's not going to stop you from learning the theory to the letter, though.

The hero is a strict pacifist and refuses to ever use violence to deal with villains. It keeps working, not because they are so great, but because the villains still remember the previous hero and are in agreement that they really want to keep the current one.

The advent of perfectly accurate live-translation tech made most communication with alien races extremely easy. Except for one thing: It has become readily apparent that every species calls their homeworld "earth", and figuring out which earth is meant in any conversation is now the big problem