Kiki

@bench-lord thank you for your permission 🙏 *ahem*

Despite, again, all of then ostensibly being in high school, some umas act like grown adults who pay taxes and others act like they're no more than 8 years old

Canonically, no one gambles on the uma races.

The creators had to patch some of the story dialogue because they accidentally created a timeline where the modern day Republic of Ireland has a monarchy

Super Creek wants you to do age regression with her because she likes playing mommy

Admire Vega had a twin sister who was aborted in the womb and said dead fetus is now a literal ghost that actively haunts her

Matikanefukukitaru also has a dead sister and she isn't being haunted but she does have religious psychosis

The creators get permission from the owners of all the horses before putting them in the game. The owner of Daiwa Scarlet allegedly approved her inclusion in the game on the one condition that she be given bigger boobs than her main rival, Vodka

Vodka drinks tea from a flask

Agnes Digital writes erotic friend fiction of the other umas

Streets have dedicated uma lanes

The Statue of Liberty is an umamusume

Long phone

Umamusume have similar physiologies to humans but inexplicably are immensely physically stronger and faster, up to like 45 miles an hour

Haru Urara’s whole thing is she’s terrible at racing and never wins, but she’s only scripted to lose one race. NPCs will still talk about how bad she is and how she’s never won anything, immediately after a race where she came in first by eight lengths

Agnes Tachyon does unethical science experiments because she’s obsessed with understanding how the fuck Umamusume work. She also retains her real world counterpart’s fragile skeletal structure that magically heals itself at one point in the story. No one, including her, seems particularly concerned with this

Despite being in her late teens at most, Nice Nature seems to genuinely believe she’s ancient compared to everyone else. She’s also apparently incapable of getting anything but 3rd place, referencing the real Nice Nature, but this creates the same problem as with Haru where she’ll be undefeated and then talk about she only ever gets 3rd

Carrots are apparently considered treats for Umamusume but they can eat and enjoy any food that humans can. For no explained reason other than the stereotype they just really like carrots which are put into everything, including hamburger steak (as in the literally stick a whole carrot into it), and are given away as raffle prizes.

Gold Ship is repeatedly visited in her dreams by an unknown entity that mimics the voice of Director Akikawa (the 10 year old horse girl)

Tazuna, Akikawa’s assistant, is very likely an Umamusume in disguise, evidenced by how she never takes her hat off and her dress can easily hide a tail, plus she’s shown to not only keep up with an Umamusume but actually outrun them. But no matter if she is or isn’t it creates some kind of issue. If she is then there’s no indication of why she’s hiding it since Umamusume are highly respected. If she’s not then now there’s a human who can inexplicably outrun a horse

Super Creek is so powerful that Gold Ship fully began wailing on her in an attempt to make her move and she just stood in place smiling and saying how strong Gold Ship is as though she was a small child pretending to fight

To expand on the idol thing it seems like part of being enrolled in Tracen Academy requires song and dance training which involves learning different moves and song parts so you can perform no matter what position you get in the race. Even if you get dead last you’re expected to smile and sing on stage with the people who beat you

In most races there are default Umamusume who are just there to fill out the remaining race slots and aren’t actual characters or based on actual horses from what I can tell. One of them is called Heart Blowup

Umamusume have signature outfits for racing and most are impractical, resulting in some of them running 3200m in chunk heels

The umamusume Statue of Liberty is holding a carrot.

In case you're wondering: no, the new models aren't really that much smarter.

Here's my experience. The company I work for is run by one of those true believers in AI. We are all obligated to have AI analyze all our work, and the company pays for the latest and bestest super-premium version of Claude to do so. It's a hilariously stupid expenditure that cannot possibly be sustainable, but when the CEO rubs elbows with everyone at Anthropic and OpenAI, well, I guess we've got to be on the "cutting edge" of this garbage.

I have watched Claude analyze a bash script and have almost exactly this sort of stupidly long back-and-forth "debate" with itself about a trivial matter of syntax (which a simpler static analysis tool could validate in a fraction of a second). In the end, it concluded that the script was actually MathML, and then it spat out a screen and a half of malformed and meaningless MathML syntax in reply. This happened a month ago, not years ago.

You know that tgirl your with. The sweet one (arnt they all) thats desperate to please? Has difficulties accepting touch? And who's head is always full of sad and complicated thoughts?

You need to help her out. So be real sweet to her. Make out a little if she likes that, do whatever softens her up. Ask her what she wants what helps her feel all intimate

Then we're gonna teach her to feel good

You should bind her wrists and angkles ever so softly to the bed posts, give her toom to squirm but not escape, she might want to pull away but she needs to learn to feel angelic.

Keep being sweet to her, praise her, give her little kisses.

Now comes the less sweet part. Take a big powerful corded vibrator wand. Your going to use it on her clit (if shes okay with being touched there of course) and your going to experiment, run it up and down, find her favourite spots, find her favourite settings.

Make her feel so good she glows. Make her squirm in those bonds. Make her bite and ache and pull away but we do not stop. She needs to learn to feel good. She needs a break from thinking.

So you keep praising her and pushing that wand in and dont you dare stop until shes a melted little puddle. She shouldn't remember her name. She should be so blissed out and praised out that her head is a soft cotton candy fog of bliss.

If she likes anal touch her there too. Work her prostate as you wand her.

You should buy her a specialised prostate toy

She has never felt this good before and it id your privilege to do so. Keep making her feel good dont let her pull away from the vibes. Praise her. Respond to her. Learn her body like an instrument.

If she asks to do something to or for you you say no

This is all about her

About her bliss about her needs as a woman. About making her feel so good her brain shuts off.

You get the privilege of doing it to her

the following events ensued:

1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?

2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes

3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes

4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke

5. this absolute masterpiece: