silly billy hilichurl !

I’ve always felt a little different.

University exacerbated this. Seeing people always in a group or a duo, and wishing so longingly that I had that. Someone, anyone, who wanted to be by my side. Even if it was just one person. But human connection still hadn’t made sense by the time I was university age. Perhaps this was my destiny forever. I had begun to accept it as so: eating, studying, walking around, and going out by myself. Reaching out to others with no answer again and again began to wear me down to the point where it wasn’t worth trying anymore. So I drifted through life, traveling on a journey without a destination or purpose.

I sat square in the middle of my class in morning periods. I had geology in the mornings every Tuesday and Thursday, a class to fill some requirements everyone needs before they graduate. Sort of a nothing class. It didn’t mean anything of value to me, but I did enjoy attending for one specific reason: The boy who sat two rows ahead of me.

His name was Zhongli, and he was extraordinarily smart and handsome. He had rich, dark hair and the most vibrant amber eyes I’ve ever seen. His voice was deep and enchanting, and gripped my heart every time it graced my ears. Zhongli was everything anyone could desire in a man, and everyone knew it. That’s why I never spoke to him. Ordinary people were above me, so who knows the kind of pain I would feel if I dared to speak to someone who was not only objectively desirable and special, but someone I personally was growing parasocially fond of. I couldn’t help it. Even hermits develop crushes.

So to say I was surprised when he approached me to join a class group chat would be quite the understatement.

Zhongli explained that it was created by someone else to help everyone study, and hopefully create a group out of everyone willing to support each other. I agreed to join, the idea actually sounded quite smart.

When I entered, I found out there was already plans made to get together and review later that day. Albedo, Alhaitham, Ningguang, and a few others were going to be there. Jesus, there’s more attractive people in this class than I thought, was the first idea that crossed my mind. Against everything I would’ve done in any other circumstance, I typed “I’ll be there too! I’m a little confused about some of this.”

When I got to the table, I was a little flustered by the whole ordeal. Never did I imagine I’d be out with others organically. It felt nice, even if it was foreign. We cracked jokes, we complained about the professor, we reviewed everything the group didn’t know. I couldn’t help but smile, and I couldn’t help but steal glances at Zhongli every now and then, and once in awhile, I caught him stealing glances… at me? No way. I dismissed this idea as nothing but arrogance created from the high of hanging out with other people. How conceited could I be to think that he would ever pay attention to someone like me? Jesus Christ.

But the session went on, and he kept sending me signals of some kind. Zhongli would talk directly to me, ask me questions on what I thought, include me in the discussions. He would make the occasional joke to me, and chuckle when I did the same. It was so strange, but it felt good. It felt good to be wanted by another person, even if I was just imagining it.

Once we finished, he initiated further.

“Hey, Y/N… Would you mind giving me your phone number? I’d like to meet up more, just you and me. I have something to talk to you about.”

“Really?” I sputtered, feeling my face and ears heat up. “S-sure! Here!” I took his phone and typed my number in, feeling my limbs go even weaker at the smile on his face.

“Thank you. Shall we meet up here tomorrow? Same time?”

I nodded, still unsure what to say. Everything I’d felt in my life became… voided all of a sudden. Just because one person, one brilliant person, asked for my phone number, and to meet up again.

I rushed to my apartment and fantasized about the day I’d had. Some might’ve thought it was completely and utterly pathetic the situation I was in, replaying a study hangout in my mind, but it ended with Zhongli of all people asking me to meet up with him tomorrow. I grinned as I picked out an outfit, but suddenly stopped. What if it was something bad? What if he wanted me to stay away from him? What if this whole thing was a stupid prank like the ones I’d faced in high school?

The idea made me sad. Really, really sad. So sad in fact that I was starting to actually dread meeting up with Zhongli. He was so kind on the outside, but what if he was just like the others? I didn’t want to be so pessimistic about someone I’d grown so fond of, someone who’d done something for me that no one else had done for me before, but I just couldn’t help it. I got worried.

Nevertheless, I swallowed my fears and marched to my closet the next day. I needed to wear something nice, so I picked out a button-up and some cute shorts to match. That, plus some shoes and a jacket completed the whole outfit (I’d spent a good hour or so researching good outfits online the previous night). I took a deep breath. There was nothing to worry about, right?

Then came the time. I sat at the same table we’d sat at the day before, bouncing my leg uncontrollably as I attempted to calm my nerves. I grappled at my hands and felt the sweat forming. God, I had to get it under control. This was the most embarrassing thing, and Zhongli hadn’t even arrived yet. Get it together…

“Ah, (Y/N).”

“Hey! Zhongli! Hi there-!”

He smiled and sat in front of me, his moves so graceful and smooth, even with the slightest motions. “How has your day been?”

“Fine, mostly. I have classes in the late afternoons, so my mornings are free…”

“Lovely. Most of mine are in the mornings. I prefer them that way. Then my day is complete early on.”

“That’s true! Y-yeah, I like taking my time to prepare for the day. It’s difficult sometimes especially during exams. But yeah.”

Zhongli chuckled. “Should we order something to drink? I have extra money for the week for campus food. I can order something if you’d like.”

“No thanks! I- I mean I appreciate it but I can get it for myself! Thank you though, it’s really nice.”

“I insist. I don’t like wasting money.” Zhongli opened the app on his phone and punched in his order. “What do you like?”

I told him mine, and he placed it. “Lovely. I like a good cup of tea, personally. Any time of the day, there’s nothing better.”

I chuckled, “I suppose,” and relaxed myself. He really was as kind as he appeared in class, and so easy to talk to. The longer we chatted about things that really didn’t matter, the more relaxed I came to be. Things were nice when it was just him and me. It surprised me. I didn’t think I’d ever be so comfortable alone with someone like him.

“Well thank you for joining me today,” he mused, looking at the clock. “It makes me sad but I have to leave now. One of my clubs is starting soon, and you have class.”

“Oh! Oh, right!” I stood up and quickly shoved everything back into my bag. “Hey, you said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yes, I did. Can we meet again next time? I’ll tell you about it then.”

He waved and turned on his heel, elegantly moving out of the cafe and to his class. I felt my cheeks and ears burn again, processing the whole thing.

She started hanging the decorations, standing on a little stool to reach the places that were too high for her. Humming a little tune, she couldn’t stop the memories of the person she’d missed more than anyone else. Neuvillette, the hydro dragon, had been the object of her affections for centuries. Every Christmas he’d stand next to her as she gave her speech. He applauded her with everyone else, with that inscrutable look on his face he always had. He walked back with her to the opera house and watched a Christmas ballet with her during the season. Things were amazing with him around, and she hadn’t even realized it until it was gone.“Hydro dragon, hydro dragon… don’t cry,” Furina sang to herself, staring up at the ceiling. Hot tears spilled from her eyes and down her face. She sniffled, getting down off the stool and sitting on her couch. “I miss you. I really miss you…”

The human experience she was created to have included love. And with love came heartbreak. No normal human was free of these perils, so why should she be?

After throwing a little pity party for herself, Furina forced herself to finish decorating and took a deep breath. She took a step back and took in the silver and gold wonderland she’d created for herself. Things actually looked pretty great! Sparkling ornaments hanging from a mini fir tree, mini snowmen and reindeer scattered around on tables, quilts and blankets sprinkled with candy cane pictures. She had an eye for these things, of course! No wonder her house looked amazing!

After decorating, of course, was baking! With the excitement of a small child, she unpacked her supplies, including premade cookie dough (it was a lot easier that way, and came with cookie dough to eat!). She hummed traditional Christmas songs as she worked, but her mind quickly drifted again.

How was she going to eat these all by herself?

No one loved sweets more than her, but even still… She knew better than anyone they tasted better with someone to share them with. “Not again,” she whispered, trying not to cry again. She could see it in her head: Offering her plate of cookies to Neuvillette, to which he would smile and kiss the top of her head and hug her, and say ‘These cookies are simply divine.’” Oh, the fantasies Furina would dream up when it was just her. She crafted wonderful, comforting fantasies of herself and the one she loved, and it made life just so much better. Her fantasies carried her through the day. If she didn’t have her fantasies, she had nothing.

Furina pulled her desserts out of the oven and put them on the windowsill to cool. Then she’d put them in a little jar and eat them throughout the week, she’d decided.

Next was to wrap presents. Little trinkets she’d picked up for the people of Fontaine, as well as something extra special she so truly wanted to give to her dragon. So she didn’t have to think about it, she wrapped it first. That way she didn’t have to remind herself of anything.

Knock knock.

“Eh?” She looked up at the door. “Who could that be? It’s so late.” Furina stood up and smoothed her shorts, prepping herself to open it. But nothing could have prepared her for who was on the other side. Standing before her, tall and proud, was none other than Neuvillette, with a small wrapped gift in his hand.

They stared in silence for a moment, neither daring to pull their gaze away from the other. Furina felt her heart swelling, and the tears pricked her eyes yet again.

“I can go,” Neuvillette offered, sensing the water threatening to spill from Furina’s face. “I am sorry for showing up unannounced. I just wanted-”

“No! No, don’t go! C-come in, it’s cold outside.” Furina ushered him in, attempting to control her trembling hands. “Can I get you something to drink? I have coffee and hot chocolate and tea and water and- Anything you want!”

“You know what I like.”

“Right.” Furina laughed in spite of herself and went to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water. “Is… Is everything okay? Why did you come here? I mean…”

Neuvillette looked up. “Do I need a reason to come here? Well… I suppose I do have one,” he mumbled, putting the little gift on the table. “To give you this. I’m sorry I don’t come around more often.”

Furina’s breath hitched in her chest. She looked at the gift, finely wrapped in dark blue paper and adorned with a silver bow. It was small enough to fit in the palm of her hand, and even more so in Neuvillette’s hand. “It’s for me…?”

“Of course it’s for you. Christmas just isn’t the same in the opera house without you.” Neuvillette swallowed and looked around Furina’s house. “These are beautiful.”

“You think so?”

“They’re very you. You… have an eye for these things.”

They stood in silence again, a light pink dusting each of their faces. The silence hung in the air and seemed to amplify the sounds of their beating hearts.

“I-I actually have something for you too! If you’ll believe that,” Furina eventually offered. She scurried over to the pile of gifts and picked out the one wrapped item. “I picked it out a few weeks ago! It… Reminded me of you.” She handed it over to him, not meeting his eyes.

“Oh. Thank you.” Neuvillette broke into the smallest grin and handed Furina her gift. “Why don’t we open them at the same time?”

“Good idea! Okay, on the count of three. One, two, three!”

The Iudex and former archon removed the paper from each of their items. Furina opened the box hers was in and gasped, nearly dropping the whole thing. She picked it up and inspected it - A blue diamond in the shape of a water droplet on a silver chain. The diamond had a lining of white - presumably more silver. She trembled and felt her heart pound out of her chest. “Neuvi…” she started, unable to stop herself this time. She lunged forward and hugged him, burying her face in his chest. “It’s beautiful! It’s so beautiful! It- it looks like you! It’s so nice! Thank you so much, Neuvi! Thank you, thank you! I’m sorry my gift isn’t nearly as good!!”

“What are you talking about? I love mine. What could be more indicative of what I love than this?” Neuvillette hugged Furina tightly and rested his chin on her head. In his hand was a snowglobe, depicting the opera house surrounded by little Melusines. They were playing in the snow and wore little snow coats. A yuletide wonderland, in the palm of Neuvillete’s hand.

“Although, perhaps there is something more indicative of what I love.” Neuvillette gently rubbed Furina’s back and planted a kiss on her head. “Forgive me, mademoiselle, but… I missed you dearly. I hope we can spend a little Christmas together…”

Furina looked up, completely flushed but grinning. Her tear-stained cheeks and her puffy eyes stronger than ever before. But there was something just different about tears born out of joy. She sniffled. “I was just thinking the same thing.” She got on her toes and kissed Neuvillette’s cheek. “Say, Neuvi?”

“Mmn?”

So I have genuinely no idea how I ended up being selected to organize the spring formal for our university.

I had been relatively active in some organizing committees, just for the sake of boosting my resume, but I didn’t think I was good enough to earn a nomination and subsequent votes for head of the formal organization. Apparently my fellow committee members disagreed.

The last few weeks had been hectic, full of spreadsheets, budgeting, my messages being ignored in the group chat, caffeine, darkening eye bags, and sleepless nights. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to attend this formal as a guest; All my friends had dates and wanted to enjoy their time with them, so I wanted to make it as smooth and magical as I possibly could. The idea of missing out on my formal to make it nice for others worsened the wounds in my heart, but I knew it was the right thing to do given the circumstances.

Oh, and also on the committee was my longtime crush Alhaitham. It only added an extra layer of pain to be planning a formal dance in the amorous setting of spring alongside the stoic yet smart yet mysterious man I’d become smitten with over the course of a few months. I admired his work ethic and vast wealth of knowledge on so many things, and his deep, attractive voice paired nicely with his good looks. I’d never been able to reach out to him, because I had no idea how he really felt about me. I could sense when someone annoyed him, but I couldn’t parse how I made him feel. Did I annoy him? Was I stupid? Or worse, was I genuinely just no one to him, the same way I seemed to be to the masses around me?

Fluttering of the heart and drying of the mouth aside, I had to meet with him one last time for a meeting regarding scheduling, so we decided to sit down for coffee at a local cafe. The stars aligned and our schedules matched up, so it was nice to be able to sit with him and just talk.

“Alright, I think that’s all the major stuff. Anything else we missed?”

“No, I don’t believe so.”

“Perfect! Well I guess that’s it. Thanks for meeting with me.” I began putting my stuff away in my bag and stole a glance of Alhaitham. He was so elegant, even in the most simple of clothing. His sweatshirt was large to give him room with his muscular frame. I gulped, the image of his toned, big body underneath the garment. “Hey, I’ve got a question. Kind of related, but not really.”

“Mm?” He looked up from his own belongings.

Suddenly, words were failing me. If I asked what I wanted to ask, what would happen? Would he wrinkle his nose and walk away? Would he break character and laugh at me? Heat rose to my face as I shook my head. “Never mind.”

“Are you sure? If it pertains to the even then I want to answer.”

“It’s not like, completely related to planning, I just…” I clenched my fists and looked at Alhaitham again. “I was just wondering if you were going. Like, attending the event.”

He shrugged and crossed his arms. “I’d like to oversee everything, but I am not going with anyone else, if that’s what you’re asking,” he replied simply. “I will be present but not active.”

“Oh, okay… Were you going to go?”

“Likely not.”

“Mmn.”

“Were you?”

I looked back up at him from my lap, shaking my head. At this point the embarrassment was catching up with me yet again. Admitting I was going alone to the man I really wanted to go with, who didn’t want to go with me, humbled me in a way I never truly wanted to before. I let out a sigh, grabbing my bag. “I really wanted to, though. I haven’t ever been to something like this before. Kinda makes me a bad candidate for head organizer, huh?” I joked, trying desperately to lighten the mood.

Alhaitham nodded slowly and uncrossed his arms. “I have never attended something like this either. But, for what it’s worth, I think you were the best possible choice for something like this. You are quite organized and headstrong.”

“Ah… Thank you,” I replied, grinning. “That means a lot coming from you. You’re like… The most organized person I know.”

He cracked a tiny smile. “Organization is second nature to me. I can’t operate in a mess.”

“And that’s something really good. Not a lot of people have that as a skill!” 

“Indeed not. My roommate is… very disorganized.”

“Kaveh? Aww. What he lacks in organization he makes up for in heart.”

“I… suppose so. It’s the same for you.”

I froze, looking over at him. Did he really just say I had… a lot of heart? “Huh?”

He cleared his throat. “I just mean you are a kind person,” he clarified. “It’s curious. You seem like the ideal person someone would invite to a formal. But…”

We stood there, looking at each other in thick silence. I tried desperately to form a response. Thank you? Expand on that? Kiss me and make me yours? I didn’t know, so I just took the coward’s route and said nothing, shamefully looking down yet again.

“I have to go now. I will see you Saturday,” Alhaitham bade, nodding at me and turning to leave.

“Oh! Bye…”

He left the cafe and I watched his silver hair become pushed and tousled in the kicking up spring wind. It looked shiny and perfectly placed not too long ago, but even after the elements had gotten to it, he looked perfect to me.

The days melted away with most of my time going towards finalizing formal plans. Any normal person would be excited for the night where months’ worth of work would all come to fruition, where hundreds of people would get to enjoy the carefully-crafted night you’d poured your heart and soul into, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t even sad about it. The fire I’d had at the start became dimmer and dimmer over time into complete apathy, and the idea of showing up started to sound like a chore. I just didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to go and listen to slow music, wearing a gorgeous outfit my friends pressured me into picking out for myself, and see people sway in each other’s arms with the knowledge that the guy I’d been becoming more and more infatuated with right in the same room - without me.

Nevertheless, I decided I was a person of my word and put on my formal attire, dolled myself up to look a little more glamorous than usual, and got a good look in the mirror. Wow, what a version of myself I didn’t think I’d ever get to see.

I took a picture and sent it to my friends. They responded just how I thought they would.

Slay!!

U LOOK SO GOOD OMFGGGGGGGG

marry me pls♡ ～('▽^人)

They were kind, I had to admit. Even if I didn’t have a handsome, intelligent man at my side to show me off, the little boost in confidence was just what I needed to get into my car and head to the venue. 

I greeted my friends at the door, and found myself chatting away with a variety of people. The lights and decorations were beautiful and I patted myself on the back for my music choice, but it wasn’t everything I’d dreamed of. I was having fun, but a pain surged in my chest as my friends began to leave, one by one, to go dance with their partners. I sighed, heading over to grab a drink at the table once I was the lone member yet again. But as I did so, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, blinking in surprise once I saw who it was.

“Alhaitham? Hi.”

“Hello.” He looked at me and then at my drink. “Is that good?”

“I haven’t had any yet. Want to try some with me?”

He shrugged and poured himself a drink. “Did you find anyone to accompany you?”

“No,” I sighed. “I’m here on my own, technically.”

Alhaitham looked around, as if trying to find one particular individual. “If that’s the case…” He returned his gaze to me and took my hand. “Would you be interested in attending this event at my side?”

…What? I froze in my place, looking up to make sure I’d heard him right. Alhaitham was right in front of me, with a completely serious look on his face. He stared at me, and every second that I didn’t reply thickened the air, even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say. “A-are you sure?”

“I am sure. You don’t have to if you-”

“I do! I do! Alhaitham!!” I set my cup down and rushed forward, powered on pure adrenaline and disbelief. I hugged him tightly and grinned. “I’ve never been asked to a dance before!”

“I haven’t either… Nor have I asked anyone…”

My grinning face began to become a giggling one. “Why are you asking me of all people?”

“I told you. You have heart,” he admitted, in a low voice. “And I felt confused when you said you hadn’t had an experience like this. As well as my roommate giving me advice to do this… every day since we started working.”

He cleared his throat and looked around, as the music began to change. “Do you want to dance?”

With an emphatic nod, I looked up at Alhaitham. “Let’s do it. I’ll let you lead.”

He smiled down at me and led us down to the dance floor, an experience that both of us would embark on for the first time together. As I found myself in his strong arms, feeling loved and cherished by another person for the first time in my life, I felt the spring wind wash over me from the inside out. Something new was happening within me, and it was something beautiful. I hoped for more out of this, for this night to last until the last flower petal descended to the ground, and last it did. At Alhaitham’s side, a new beginning was beginning to form, leading me down a winding road of experiences formerly completely out of reach.