KUNG FU PANDA 4 PREDICTIONS

We finally find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

Xi Jinping makes a cameo as a yellow bear with a red shirt.

DreamWorks, in continuing with their trend of making these movies highly accurate in Chinese culture, only release the movie in Mandarin.

There are at least 7 polar bears.

The movie is poggers. The plot is Lit. The characters keep it one hundred. The animation is on fleek. The physics are goated. The anatomy is nutty. The script is wildin. The models are

Cherry blossom trees become an invasive species and spread like wildfire. They become the dominant plant life on Earth, and most animal species turn pink to adapt. Oh, there's also like, a plot, or something.

Kai is back. Po travels to a distant land to fight Kai, the chi bending master of jade. As Kai unleashes an unspeakable evil, a foolish kung fu panda warrior wielding a magic staff steps forth to oppose him. Before the final blow is struck, Kai tears open a portal in time, and flings Po into the future, where his evil is law. Po seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Kai.

Every ship will be invalidated when we are shown that everyone in the KFP universe reproduces by budding.

Aliens. Their one weakness? Dancing. Mantis busts out a squaredance so groovy the mothership implodes. Fire rains from the sky, the earth is covered in darkness, but the day is won.

Everyone forgets how to do kung fu. We bear witness to a street fight between Shifu and a local pig, in which both sides goad the other to "swing first".

Our heroes, frightened by the invention of deepfakes, decide to live out the rest of their lives underground, subsisting on cottage cheese and barbecue sauce.

KFP 4 is a live action Netflix adaptation made on a shoestring budget of $15. The first hour is released before the project is cancelled.

With the power of friendship and anime on their side, the furry five collect just enough dragon orbs to defeat the vile Emperor Mingis.