K. Steven Cruz

I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me. I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it.

Is masturbating to pornography a crime? I didn't think so. So please stop pulling me over for it.

Ever feel like you died a long time ago, left your physical body, yet still assume the role of your past-self? You hammer through the daily motions, completely unaware? Maybe you were smashed by a car or fell off the roof that one time...and now you're just sort of looping a customized reality in your own mind? Sometimes I think a lot of us are ghosts - we can see and sympathize with one another, but it never really affects humankind because we've ceased to exist...thus, we rely on each other for emotional support and levity while the real human world scrambles around us anyways I really want some eggs and sausage and maybe toast, like some over easy eggs so I can dip my toast and sausages in the yolks you know what I'm saying truthfully I like my eggs any way - I love scrambled and sunny, hard boiled and poached...quit being an egg bitch and just eat the eggs you picky slut, THEY'RE EGGS, DEAL WITH IT, how you gonna sit at a diner and bitch and moan about the way your eggs are prepared when you gotta go home and file taxes and arrange a funeral? Get real problems you dick DUHHH I HATE TOMATOES THEY'RE GROSS fuck you dude you're like 30 years old you giant pussy I don't even know why I'm here or who I'm talking to.