havin' fun on adobe's photo shop ☕🌕🚬(❁´◡`❁) beyond midnight nighthawks.

OKLAHOMA! WHERE THE WIND COMES SWEEPIN' DOWN THE PLAIN. AND THE CHICKEN' CARCASSES. CAN SURE SMELL SWEET!

Welcome to the circus mother fuckers.

Before we begin let me clear some shit up. THE CHICKEN MAN IS NOT HALF CHICKEN AS SOME DIPSHITS SUGGEST. HAIRY HUMANOID THROUGH AND THROUGH. STOP PISSING ME OFF.

THE FACTS (MAX)

Oklahoma, 1970, El Reno, the cool Reno, deeeeeep into the night SOMETHING was mascaraing chickens. Wood splintered, metal bent, fences broken, chickens dead, blood pooled. That something.......... The Chicken Man a 7 foot tall 600 pound shitkicker with a deformed hand and a hankering for raw chicken.

In one legendary outing a farmer's whole operation was cleared out. The creature consumed several dozen fowl. YUM YUM. Don't even try to look it up it's been censored and you are now on a watch list for even thinking about it.

These attacks continued well into the 1971. Huge three toed foot and hand prints were found at several of the attack sites. Authorities (dipshits) & Skeptics (dipshitassholes) will tell ya it was just a fox, or perhaps a escaped monkey from the circus. After '71 the Chicken Man attacks clamed down and no one has 'officially' encountered the beast since. Unofficially though one can only speculate, and this one is guessing at least 100 other sightings have occurred.

We aint done yet, you got more READING TO DO PAL. The El Reno Chicken Man was sucha big deal that cryptozoologist descended on the small town armed with shovels to dig for the truth, and they found it. Half-chicken, half-man? FUCK YOU! Escaped circus monkey? WHAT ARE YOU A CHILD? As always the truth is much stranger than fiction.

Enter Howard Dreeson. In 1967 outside of Calmut Oklahoma 'bout ten miles east of El Reno. Dreeson claims that he had befriended a large apelike creature and fed it a steady diet of oranges and bananas. Greed over took Dreeson and he wanted more, he dreamed of bright lights and the big city, him and his ape buddy on the road raking in the dough from rubes paying a penny a peak. This did not happen. When Dreeson attempted to capture the beast his traps failed and he stopped feeding the 'ape-like' creature. Three years later a chicken apocalypse descended upon El Reno. You do the math.

Here's some photo evidence. May your blinders be removed.

Prints found at the scene of the crime. #ChickenManReal2026 #ChickenManIsNotAChicken2026 #ChickenManisathreetoedhairyhumanoidyouidiots #sorrydidn'tmeantocallyouanidiotirespectyouropinion #not

news men back then were sworn to the truth. #ChickenManReal2026 #ChickenManIsNotAChicken2026

Chicken Man Truth in print #reademandweep #ChickenManReal2026 #ChickenManIsNotAChicken2026

Oooo boy it's late and the truth makes me hungry.

Keep your moccasins on off trail.

-KEV

Sup nerds... Big Kev nasty is back to rock your world with a tale of cryptid excellence. Buckle up and get ready to READ.

Connecticut.. the land of seersucker suits, Dave Matthews, and pastels has something bubbling under the surface and it ain't the new DMB album.

The Wildman of Winsted has been stalking the quarries, lakes, and lonely roads at night since the 1800's. The humanoid beast is covered in thin blond hairs, has no odor and stands at about 8ft tall. The first known encounter happened in 1895 when Riley Smith and his trusty bulldog were pickin' blueberries. They were rushed by a large naked humanoid covered 'head to toe in blond hairs.' The creature hooted and shrieked bowling the two over and ruining Riley's blueberries. Doubters will laugh but this was a NEWS article in a NEWS PAPER, the Winstead Herald, from 1895 a time when people simply did not lie.

Don't go getting twisted or some stupid shit, the wildman has been seen in modern times as well. During the 1970's back when a bigfoot or a funky monster was on every street corner due to the giant interdimensional rift in the Ohio River Valley. (ask your grandparents kid) In both '72 and '74 the beast terrorized several couples, a classic trait of these peeping toms.

Well if that wasn't enough to get ya thinkin' maybe these EYEWITNESSES sketches will tip the scales.

The wildman chilling #proof #truth #real

'give me yer berries' #real #bigfoot

That's all for now folks, smell ya later

-Kev

check one two check one two this it the K-Boss calling all squatch watchers, I know it's been awhile since I've rapped at ya but let's talk.

Look I already know what your thinking... Dr. K you usually stay in the range of terrestrial cryptids.. what's the deal with this alien shit all of the sudden.

CAN'T A MAN CHANGE?!?!? Back off Squatch Nation Daddy K has been through a lot lately.

Now that, that's outta the way we can chop shop about a modern day landing that mirrors a goblin attack from back in 50's.

Here is a low-down on the most recent Alien visitation from the man himself, Geroge Knapp.

Here is where shit drops down the jackalope hole.... in 1955 outside of Kelly Kentucky a family experienced the very same type of encounter.

The story goes like this.... Early one sweltering August evening Billy Ray Taylor, who was living with 10 others all present at the time, stepped outside for a break from the heat and a long drink of water when he spotted a bright light drop down into the valley behind the farmhouse.

Terrified Billy ran in to inform the other members of the family. No one believed him, as was the fashion at the time. Until the family dog started freaking our prompting Billy Ray and Lucky Sutton to step outside only to be confronted with a small glowing creature that was approaching them with it's arms raised. Billy did the only rational thing a man could do, blasted the little fucker with his shotgun.

After that the little goblins launched an assault on the house cause all sorts of gremlin mischief.... one can imagine it was much like this scene from Germlins:

At around midnight fed up with the goblin bullshit the fam packed up and headed to the police department. Soon their farm was flooded with investigators from the US Air Force's project blue book. To this day the encounter remains one of the few the project blue book investigators did not have an explanation for. Chew on that little squatchers cause it's time for photo evidence!!!!

Read em and weep the NEWS paper tells no lies...

The boys talking bout how they shot those lil gobs

sketch of the gob in question....

Eyes on the sky,

-Kev

HERE YE! HERE YE! WATCHERS OF ALL CREEDS! BACK FROM THE UNKNOWN THE KEV HAS RETURNED TO TUMBLR!  

Cascadia’s Cryptids and me, Kevin:

Part I

If you know me you know my journey, if you don’t go find the podcast some dorks made about me or not I don’t give a shit.  I wouldn’t be out here farting into the wind I’m a Crypto-Boy MAN on a mission.  Dear ol’ mum, Dr. Goodwell, has tasked me with cataloging all the known cryptids in North America, and maybe some unknown ones along the way ;)

The highest concentrations of Crypto activity in the USA occurs in the the Pacific Northwest.  The triumvirate of Washington, Oregon, and Idaho a land collectively known as Cascadia. That pure clear energy that draws in the clog of subarus also draws in the unknown.  Many believe the main source of the energy to be Bigfoot, but they are all stupid.  The king-ding-a-ling of this party is the Batsqautch.  Our first entry into the *official*Cryptionary. Here’s what we know:

THE STATS: BATSQUACH

Classification: Level 4 (edging on 5 if encroachment continues)

Aliases: Squatch Bat, Bat Sasquatch, BigWing

Location: Mount St. Helens, Washington

Height: Shaq on his tippy toes

Wingspan: Two Shaqs arms spread with fingertips touching

Weight:  More than I can bench.

Smell: Freshly smooshed apple sauce

Eye Color: Piercing red 

Diet: Elk, Moose

Life-span: 40+ years

THE EVIDENCE:

The Sasquatch bloodline is strong.  The hulking Batsquatch is only rivaled in strength and size by father Bigfoot. The Batsquatch rules over Mt. St. Helens and her surrounding forests with an iron fist keeping the Elk and Moose populations under control.

Sightings of this flying purple moose eater began in the early nineties, which fits Batsquatch’s devil may care GenXer ‘tude.  The first of these encounters happened in 1994 when Brian Canfeild was driving along minding his biz in Pierce county Washington, jamming to Dookie and looking forward to prom.  Out of nowhere a creature Brian described as at least 9ft tall with a ‘wicked wide wingspan’ landed like the terminator in front of his truck.  Big Brian reported that the creature simply stared at him with deep red eyes and bright blue/purple fur before flapping off into the sky.  The creature he described can be seen below, drawn by one of the finest sexy monster artists on tumblr:

Oooh boy wish I could be a fly on the wall of Brian’s dreams after seeing this badboi.

If that compelling story and artist rendition didn’t turn you #woke then how ‘bout this newspaper clipping!

Grover Grantz bless men like C.R. Roberts for not being afraid to report the truth.  Shit, you still need more evidence!?!?!? Sightings of the beast continued all the way into 2014, with a total of five sightings in two decades I’m not sure how this isn’t national news.  Oh wait, I am sure…. they know that Batsquatch is the one true guardian, the only one who can defend the Forrest from the menace of elk, moose, and deer.  This one is for you Batty!

It is time to amass a Cryptid army to join the fight for justice!

-Kev

Let me stop you before my inbox explodes.  YES, I am still in Florida and YES this is very dangerous for me.  But you don’t understand something is happening down here.  Don’t care what you or Lance tell me.  Florida is ground zero squatch nation and danger shmainger I’m staying.  

My Investigation on what the fuck is going on in Florida’s water ways continues.  To be honest I’m still shaken up from the bloodbath I was investigating several weeks ago.  The muck monster was a welcome change of pace.  While I was tracking down what I believe to be a family of Ozark Howlers who have wandered into God’s waiting room several locals pointed me in the direction of Lake Worth Lagoon.  What I found their caused me to rush back to HQ and write the very post you are reading now.  This was more than just another weird log hunt, this was a run in with the Muck Monster. 

Reported to be pretty long by locals and totally real.  The creature has been known to slowly and awkwardly float towards it victims.  It has been reported to have “Totally grossed out” several Lake Worth swimmers.  The most notable encounter happened on a sweltering August day in 2009.  Local heroes Greg Reynolds and Dan Serrano, of the organization  Lagoon Keepers, were called out on a routine weird log removal job.  What they found was somehitng much more sinister.  As they approached the log Dan reported that he “was completely just like creeped by it you know?”  Greg felt something similar stating “ This was not your average gross log, this log was alive.”  When they attempted to capture the beast it slipped through there nets every time.  All told the two spent 3 hours wrestling with the creature.  In the end they chased it into deeper water.  The most fucked up thing about the creature is that it appears to not have any eyes.  Dan likened it to a giant earthworm, to which Greg quipped, “And not the kind you want to find at the end of a hook!”  We laughed for a solid 30 minutes after that.  You heard it hear folks from two heroes protecting their home waters.  The Muck Monster is real.  End the weird log cover up and protect these majestic worms.  As always follow the evidence below and the truth will set you free. 

Muck Monster on the move.  Swimmers beware.

Show me a man who says Channel 5 would lie to you and I’ll show you a dirty naughty liar boy.

If you think that could be a log you are a fucking idiot.

Stay safe, stay watchful.

Kev

Top of the evening loyal watchers.   As you know from my last post I have now firmly planted my flag in the flower state, aka Florida, aka God’s waiting room.  

Now I know what you’re thinking.  ‘Kevin, what the hell are you doing planting your flag anywhere!?!?! The NPS is after you!’  First, thanks for reading my last post and believing in me :,) ... means a lot.  Second, don’t worry fam your boy Kev is safe and sound.  Only thing those Government goons know is that I am in Florida.  Plus I’ve already been found guilty of trespassing, so I can just call double jeopardy if they try and get me for it again.  Ahhhhh what am I doing this is off topic... let’s get back to the heart of this whole venture.... the cryptids BABY!

One of the reasons I decided to land HQ in Florida is becasue it is RIFE with cryptid activity.  From hominid ape like mother fuckers to flying lizards this long state has it all.  It is also home to one of the largest animal massacres since the 1886 Fouke, AR incident.  It’s one of the biggest mysteries in the animal murder circuit and I aim to solve it. 

Allow me to paint a picture of the destruction before we get our hands dirty.  Some two years ago on a muggy July morning Dave Dunder and his daughter Maureen were headed to the Indian River Lagoon.  Where Dave was going to teach Maureen how to skip rock,  a time honored Floridian tradition that stretches back as far as NASCAR.  When the trail ended and Maureen and her father finally got to the lagoon, instead of taking her first steps to becoming a true Floridian, Maureen was met with utter carnage.  The lagoon and the river leading to it had turned a dark crimson color.  In the center of the lagoon the bones and carcasses of over 500 mammals, birds, and fish floated in a disgusting heap.  After reporting the animal massacre to the National Parks Service (big mistake) the father and daughter were fed some bullshit about pollution and sent on their way.  When the NPS finally went public with the incident they sold the public the same lie they sold Dave & Maureen.  According the ‘suits’ the massacre was actually caused by pollution from fertilizer runoff and this was just a product of years of build up.   HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.... YEA RIGHT!

After soaking all this information in and traveling to the infamous Indian River Lagoon myself I have uncovered the real truth.  This was a coordinated cryptid attack.  They struck hard and fast.  I am not sure what they were after but it is long understood in the cryptid community that mammals and cryptids just don’t mix.  To find out which cryptid(s) was/were involved we only need to look at the numbers.  Approximately  111 manatees, 300 pelicans, and 46 dolphins lost their lives in the massacre.  Now it seems as if the main targets were the pelicans.  Pelicans are members of the bird family, and we all know how much cats hate birds.  Thus the cryptid(s) responsible for the crime must be cat related or at least part cat.  Bada bing bada boom that narrows the field down to two suspects:  The Bladenboro Vampire Cat OR The Ozark Howler.  Both are part cat, and both hate birds.  But hey why listen to these words when you can see what I am talking about.  Picture evidence below:

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE INDIAN RIVER LAGOON MASSACRE MUST BE REVEALED! 

Please play the above audio as you read. 

Well well well cryptophiles, mothmen, and jackalopes guess whose back.  AND I bet you thought I died. 

Kevin has finally returned to the internet.  I know exactly what you are thinking, you're thinking 'THIS guy is well well welling us when he is the one who fell off the face of the earth!?!' All I can say is that I'm sorry and I hope you understand.  It just took a long time to get back on the trail after my house boat sunk.  I still don't know how it happened for sure some say that's what I get for living in a glass bottom boat meant for tourism.  While others, me, say there's something more, a third man in the mix if you will. 

Allow me to elaborate on my theory,  just three weeks before my house sunk I saw three National Parks Service jeeps at Barnes and Noble.  My former employer had finally come to get me.  I should of pulled up anchor right then and there! But I stayed because my intern liked the location so much....... those NPS jeeps weren't at Barnes and Noble to get good books for reasonable prices they were there to plot the sinking of my boat and the destruction of my research!  I had finally come too close to the truth for the NPS to handle.  However, they only completed half of their mission those stupid fucks didn't think about flash drives, luckily my good for nothing intern did something right and backed up my info.  Once I knew they were after me, we hit the road hard.  Been zig zagging for the past eight months disguising our scent.  We've finally landed in the deep south. That's all I'll say about that for now.  Let's look to the future.

 My intern was able to convert his mom's old panel van into a live in research center.  I'm telling you Sasquatch is as good as captured in this bad girl.  I've dubbed her Yeti-Headquarters.  The intern wanted to call it the Squatch-Mobile cause he 'did all the work.'  I laughed in his face and made him do push-ups.  Keep your eyes to the intertube for more posts soon.

Ball's in your court Steve. 

I'm back baby.

-Kev