Sleep deprived momma's, hear me squeak.
5 stages of newborn-baby-induced-sleep-deprivation as modeled on the Kubler Ross model:
1. Denial. This includes having others (i.e. my mother) waking up to change the baby and pass him on to me to nurse at night and then immediately passing out. Also includes waking up multiple times and tending to the baby and having no recollection of it whatsoever the next morning. Scary.
2. Anger. Questions and doubts start creeping in after long nights and short days. Why is he waking up so often? Should I start sleep training? By not letting him cry it out (briefly!) am I getting in the way of him learning to self soother? Why is he sleeping so peacefully?! This last question is asked bitterly by every wife about her husband at some point.
3. Bargaining. I tried swaddling and un-swaddline. Back lying, side lying and tummy sleeping. White noise and absolutely no noise. Rocking, walking, bouncing and nursing to sleep. Pick up- put down method, and out right begging my baby. Some tears were shed and I did get a pitiful look from my son this one time.
4. Depression. It comes and goes really. I feel alone and that surely no one has ever went through what I’m going through. Major FOMO-feelings (Fear of missing out).
5. Acceptance. I’m still struggling with this but I kind of can see the light at the end of the tunnel. No, it’s not my baby getting longer stretches of sleep, it’s the new normal of waking up, feeding or comforting him and then chugging a gallon of coffee in the morning. There are days when someone will take over and I get to sleep in for a couple of hours, and for this I’m immensely grateful. Having a cute baby to wake up to is a bonus as well!
There you have it, my new normal. Oh, and I chose to write this post as my kid naps in his crib nearby, rather than nap myself. Rookie mistake.
