gots me a do over

5 months since surgery, and I find I’m settling into a nice stable routine with regards to what I consume on a daily basis. Still not hitting the 1000 calories a day recommended by the doc, but closer (850 - 900 usually). My protein game is strong; hitting minimum requirements every day. I’m never without my water bottle. I exercise daily, more so on the weekends. 

Every single piece of my original wardrobe looks comical on me. I’ve been living in cheap Old Navy leggings and a few hoodies for the past couple months now. Hit 180 lbs earlier this week. Almost 80 lbs lost.

AND HEY I WENT KAYAKING! Always wanted to try it, but so many things, including weight, stopped me. It was so awesome, and easy, and I want to do it every damn day! (but that requires a kayak...)

First few weeks, lbs were dropping daily. And then....nothing. Stalled out and left holding my dick (so to speak...) for the past 2 weeks. 

Combined with liquid diet, I lost 32 lbs. And then I was taken off my hydrochlorathiazide (diuretic which helped my blood pressure meds - which I’m also off now). Gained 5 lbs and there I sit, no matter what.

I’m exercising 5 days a week.

I’m eating between 600 and 700 calories a day (Doc says aim for 1000 but that’s utterly impossible with what fits in my stomach.)

I’m drinking water (though I’m finding the 64 oz goal to be elusive).

wtf happened to mine?

My beloved coffee tastes like a whole lotta ass post-op. 

I’ve begrudgingly become a tea drinker now... did not see that coming. Specifically decaf earl grey with 2 tsp splenda thankyouverymuch.

Foods I’ve been eating:

greek yogurt, plain (with cherry flavoured Mio)

2% cottage cheese

pea soup, pureed

sugar-free jello pudding

ricotta cheese bake 

various cheeses

yet more cheese

These images have stayed with me and now have somehow manifested themselves into the idea that what I have left, in terms of a stomach organ, resembles a chestburster from the Aliens franchise. Which is not likely, but the imagery stuck nonetheless. What IS likely, if I am to believe all the handy illustrated diagrams of post operative sleeved stomachs, is that what’s left of my stomach organ now resembles a slim, pink banana.

Applesaucius victorius.

Or,

Applesauce for the motherfucking win. 

Truths:

I am very high on drugs right now.

I have 6 incisions in my belly.

I have vomited endless times thus far.

Verdict is in. I lost 15 lbs on the OptiFast 900 liquid diet. 

Surprisingly, this liquid diet thing is going pretty well. I get hungry about an hour before I’m due for the next one, so I just guzzle water until then.

I’ve tried adding sugar free syrups to make the vanilla better, but it only made it worse. I’ve tried adding strong decaf coffee (allowed) and pretending I paid $7 at Starbucks for it. 

Nothing helps. It’s super sweet already and I think that’s what I don’t like about it. The chocolate is far less sweet, and perfectly tolerable, even enjoyable.

It begins.

Let the record show that I weighed 255 lbs when I started the OptiFast 900 3-week funfest.

I’ve got equal amounts of vanilla and chocolate here (I figured I’d throw vanilla in there to keep from growing bored with the chocolate). 

My plan:

8am: Vanilla

Noon: Chocolate

4:30pm: Vanilla