Kepnerisms

She knows that she can't force him to stay. She could fight it until she's blue in the face but she knows Tony and she knows his heart. But the dangers -- April is always so afraid that one day he isn't going to come back and that'll leave her with nothing but an empty life, and a broken heart.

❝ Just promise me -- Promise me you'll come home. ❞ even if she knows he can't make that kind of promise she wants to make him do so anyway.

𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 around to know the expression on her face—somewhere between fear and frustration, maybe even a little desperation. April has that effect on him, making him second-guess, making him want to be more than just the man in the suit. But old habits die hard, and Tony Stark has always been a man driven by the need to fix things, to stay one step ahead of disaster, even if it means stepping into danger. He exhales, dragging a hand over his face, eyes closing for a brief second. The irony isn’t lost on him. April was supposed to be his anchor, the one to pull him back from the brink, and yet here he is again—on the precipice of something reckless, something she won’t understand.

April doesn't want him to do this. He refuses to face her and she knows why. If he looks into her eyes to see that she wants him to stay it'll be hard for him to do what it is she knows he needs to do.

There are days, truly, she hates that he managed to get her to question her faith all the more though it's never unwavering. If God is real, why isn't he helping? Why burden Tony with all of these things and make him be the hand that does the deed? But she has to realize that there are things that are happening for a reason. Even if she doesn't understand it. No one made a handbook for this kind of thing.

And she hates it.

❝ It’s all I want, April. Is it really that hard to just leave it be ? ❞ the Jersey grit in his voice unmistakable as he responds, the irritation clear but controlled. ❝ We ain’t exactly close, you know ? Sure, we've flirted a bit, and yeah, you've seen me laid out here more than I’d like—. But that don’t give you, or anyone else for that matter, the right to get all up in my business about who I'm seeing. ❞ He pauses, his gaze searching hers for a moment, trying to decipher the concern that seems so out of place. ❝ I thought you were just being a good doctor, but this ? It's more than that, isn't it ? But listen, if you're saying you'll back off from here on out... good. That’s all I’m asking for. Let's keep it that way. I don’t need to hear anything more from you. ❞

It hurts, those words, now hanging heavy on her heart. It shouldn't, but damn, she thought that they were at least friends with their banter and flirting but he's made it clear that they're nothing aside from doctor and patient but maybe they shouldn't even be that.

Shaking his head, his hands find their familiar perch on his hips, a defensive gesture as familiar to him as his own reflection. ❝ You know, I don't need your worry, ❞ he shoots back, his voice thick with frustration. ❝ For someone who says they don't wanna see me backslide into my old ways, you're doing one hell of a job keeping me stuck right there. Here I am, trying to pull something—anything—together, and all you and Danny do is shoot down every damn choice I make. It's like you think I'm some kid who doesn't know jack about life. I've had enough of that my whole life, one damn failure after another. I’m trying to pull myself up, but it feels like you're there to remind me of how I could fall. I'm trying to get up from this, not be dragged down by more doubt. ❞

❝ I don't think you're a kid who doesn't know jack, Matt. I just ...I know your heart and I know women like her. She's just going to hurt you. ❞ but how can she tell, how can she prove it to him other than let him make this mistake. But she doesn't want to see him hurt. Truth is she cares too much about him to let that happen -- and she realizes she shouldn't care this much. He's a patient, not a friend. Even if she sees him more than her own friends and he knows enough about her at this point. It doesn't matter, he was never hers to begin with. And he's right, she shouldn't worry about him that way.

❝ To you, it looks like a mess waiting to happen, but she's not how you or anyone else sees her. ❞ there his voice softens slightly, his demeanor shifting as he tries to explain the unexplainable. ❝ She's got her own baggage, stuff with her dad... and maybe that's what draws me to her. Maybe I'm trying to fix something there—God knows why. ❞ ❝ I don't even know why I bother talking about this with you or Danny. Hell, maybe you two should get together and have a good whine about all my bad choices. I really don't get why you sound so bitter, even more than Danny does. ❞

Though as soon as that leaves her mouth she pauses and covers her mouth quickly. ❝ I didn't mean that, Matt, I am so sorry... I just ... ❞ she takes a deep, steady breath as she tries to draw back from what she just said.

❝ We just want you to be happy, but Taylor ... when it comes down to it is she really going to be there for you or is she going to be there for her own interests ..? ❞ She's glad that Danny also feels the same about her as April does, but she can see why that would also feel like an attack on Matt so she needs to say something, do something so this doesn't end with both of them saying something they'll both regret. Though she already has and it's written on her face.

⊹ · ⸻ @kepnerisms ; answered dream letter :

ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇꜱᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ . - ᴍᴀᴛᴛ ᴠ.

𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔 his brow as April says he isn't interested in anyone. Her words sting, a sharp jab despite her damn adorable self. There's a flicker of truth to her accusation. Since his divorce, his love life's been a disaster zone. Hell, even before that, it wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows. But true to form, Matthew downplays it all, all buttoned up and curtains closed. Not about to let anyone see the man behind the badge, especially not if there's a chance she might hit a nerve.

With a dry chuckle, he crosses his arms, crossing over his chest. ❝ You think you got me all figured out, huh, Kepner❞ He leans in a touch, a playful glint in his eyes, though it doesn't quite reach them fully. It's flirtatious, sure. ❝ But maybe…I am interested in someone.❞

When he leans in she looks at him again noticing that glint in his eyes and she puts a hand to her hip. He says he's interested in someone, maybe. And April gives him a smile. The one that is coated in sarcasm.

9K MAKE ME CHOOSE:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ @laylakeating ASKED: April Kepner or Izzie Stevens?