“Mmm; this feels like a trap,” he finished his beer, making a slight face.  “We’ve already gotten ourselves in to a giant fucking mess because you refused to push your pride aside and just be upfront with me.  There is no way I am trying to decipher what you want from me.  We just went over all of this.  So either swallow your pride along with some crow and tell me why you invited me over, or I’m just gonna go back to my place.”  He never meant to be mean, he was always just blunt to a fault.

Kennedy let out a genuine laugh and ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head. ‘Okay, that was like, a genuine invitation to do pretty much anything. There was no intention, no pride, it just was what it was.” She took a half step back, but was actually smiling now. “I already told you. I invited you over because I like being around you. This though-” She gestured between them, this moment, “was just me suggesting that we do something. You wanna nix this conversation and fuck until my neighbors know your name? Cool. You wanna go on another super spooky adventure? Cool. You wanna go get tacos and margaritas from El Cazador? It’s on me.” She raised an eyebrow. “It wasn’t a trap.”

“You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that,” Killian mused, nose wrinkling very slightly.  He didn’t like talk like this; he wasn’t good at it.  It bored him, and he didn’t see the point.  “I don’t really know what to tell you, Ken.  I can’t really apologize for feeling the way I do.”

“You’re right. You can’t. You shouldn’t have to, and you don’t.” She hopped off the counter, bringing herself to face him. Though, facing him was a stretch when her head met his ribs. “So, be a friend, and make me feel better without apologizing for things you do or do not feel or control.” She raised an eyebrow. It was absolutely a challenge, though even she wasn’t sure what kind of challenge it was. She wasn’t outwardly asking for sex, nor was it necessarily the only option. Maybe sex, maybe another spooky adventure, maybe something new. she didn’t know. 

The tall boy took another drink of her beer, observing her levelly.  “It’s clear it’s not; but it’s not really anything I can fix.”  He let out a soft snort.  “Feelings are complicated.  Are your really trying to say that this is the first time someone hasn’t returned your feelings?”  He quirked an eyebrow, skeptical.  “That seems…. far fetched”

Kennedy tipped her drink back and took a very long swig of it. “No, probably not. But it’s probably the first time that I’ve been honest about it or spoken up instead of swallowing it. I don’t know why, I probably should have gone with good old fashioned shutting the hell up.” She gave him a half smile, setting her bottle down and gripping the counter beside her knees. “I guess I just thought maybe...there was something here. maybe I just wanted there to be. It doesn’t matter all that much.”

“Remember how I made a comment about how I was shocked that we got along so well both being spoiled?”  He pointed, but not unkindly.  “I’m not really used to people caring that much.  Have I been in relationships before?  Sure.  But I really do just see you as a friend, and I thought I had expressed that, but I guess not.  Maybe that’s my fault.  I like you, and you’re hot, but I don’t have any romantic feelings towards you.  And I am sorry that I hurt your feelings about it.”

Kennedy sighed a little, her shoulders shrugging. She was trying to brush it off and not be as hurt as she was. It wasn’t his fault if he actually didnt have feelings for her. “You didn’t know. It’s whatever.” She stared down at her drink, not quite knowing how to bounce back from this awkwardness she felt in her chest. “I’m kind of awful at this type of thing. Feelings. I don’t know how to handle them when they are returned, let alone when they arent.”

“Cheers bro, I’ll drink to that.” Killian muttered, absently referencing a meme he had been seeing a lot, taking a deep breath.  “I don’t know why you even needed to bother to keep your pride in tact at any point.  Either you’re going to try to explain yourself, or you’re going to try to make sure you don’t come out of it as the bad guy.  You can’t really do both.”  He took a long drink, letting out a humorless chuckle.  “It did.  If anything, it sort of just made things worse, but clearly, I’m not gonna hold one bullshit conversation against you for the rest of your life.”

‘i don’t even know how to explain it. But I guess i kind of knew that I was heading for a train wreck by telling you I had feelings to begin with. So I was attempting to not come out of it looking like a total fool. Which clearly didn’t work out for me.” She gave a soft shrug and moved to hop up onto the counter. “I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone who didn’t actively pursue me first.” She made a sour face. “I handled it badly.” Looking down at her hands, embarrassed, she let out a sigh. 

He could tell from her face she was just as tired as he was, and he pursed his lips, following her in and closing the door behind him.  “Well; good.”  The reply was blunt, as Killian often was.  It wasn’t necessarily fair to say he was emotionally stunted, but it wasn’t wholly incorrect, either.  “I’ll have a beer,” trailing after her to the kitchen, he leaned against the doorway, arms folded over his chest.  “It was an aggravating conversation.  My anger is justified.  Not that it really needs to be.”

Kennedy sighed and opened the fridge, pulling out a beer for him and a wine cooler for herself. “Yeah, it was, and everything I said seemed to come out wrong and make me sound like an idiot or a bitch, so..” She trailed off, handing him his beer and taking a drink of her own. “Cheers to that.” She said, a hint of lackluster amusement in her voice. She leaned on her elbows on the counter, looking over at him for a minute. “I really am sorry about the way some of it came out. I was trying to walk a line between explaining myself and having some pride left and it, just clearly failed painfully.”

To say that Killian was annoyed beyond belief was an understatement.  He had just wanted to figure out why @kennedyonfire​ hadn’t come by at all in the last week - he didn’t want to have any of the conversation that followed.  He agreed to go over, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t relaxed by any means.  He knocked twice on her door, hard, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket.  “I really hope you didn’t invite me over to continue to harp on the same topic,”

By the time Killian got there, Kennedy had already done plenty of kicking herself for the way that their conversation played out. It wasn’t, in any way shape or form, how she had intended to speak to him. She opened the door with a sigh at his words, her eyes wide and desperate, pleading with him to soften. “I invited you over because I like to be around you. Even, apparently, when you’re angry with me.” She turned her back to walk further into her house, leaving him to walk in behind her and shut the door of his own accord. “I’m not interested in harping on anything. Where things stand is pretty clear, whether I like it or not.’ She shrugged, trying not to let the defeat show on her face as she walked into the kitchen. “Wine or beer? Or liquor? also an option.”

Kennedy: If you think I dont want to sleep with you again, then you are in fact still missing the point of what I'm trying to say. Of course I do.

Kennedy: This is stupid. Come over, Killian. Please.

Killian: I'm really about to lose it if you keep saying I'm missing the point

Killian: Fine

Kennedy: I said, "IF you dont blah blah blah..."

Killian: None of it DOES matter, Kennedy

Killian: It's fine. We don't have to sleep together again. Or we can. I don't really care either way

Killian: You're my friend, and I like that you are. That's why I offered to take you to that fucking house, though if I knew what would happen when we went inside, I wouldn't have gone there.

Kennedy: If you think I dont want to sleep with you again, then you are in fact still missing the point of what I'm trying to say. Of course I do.

Killian: You start in about how clearly, the fact that I'm not emotionally available can't possible be true because you're too cute for that, proceed to tell me all the love and affection I received for the first twenty years of my life was solely out of obligation

Killian: Please, inform me how ANY of that was supposed to show you cared

Kennedy: Oh my god, thats not how I meant for that to come across and I'm sorry it did.

Kennedy: Im doing such a horrible job at this conversation, but the whole point is that I DO care about you.

Kennedy: well fuck me for caring, Killian 🙄

Killian: You care about yourself, not me. You're trying to make something up that isn't there. The faster you understand that, the better

Killian: it's annoying

Killian: your pride is a little bit the point - you built up this entire problem that doesn't even exist because I didn't reciprocate feelings you wanted me to

Killian: If this topic comes up again I will not be happy

Kennedy: no, I was hurt that you didnt call, then mildly annoyed that you put up emotional barriers, but anyways.

Killian: you can be

Killian: I don’t really know all the intricate rituals I’ve never really run into this problem where the girl gets too caught up in her own pride to text me the next day

Killian: clearly I think you’re attractive, we slept together, but I don’t know why it has to be a whole thing; friends sleep together, that’s why friends with benefits is a thing, right?

Kennedy: okay, my pride is not the point.

Kennedy: sort of? Friends with benefits is typically void of any real emotion.

Killian: Yeah well maybe you should learn to stop being so fucking vague and just be up front with me. I don't know what you want because you're standoffish one minute adn throwing a tantrum because I'm not giving you the attention you so desire and now after we have sex, you're mad because I didn't follow whatever rules you made up in your head.

Killian: I can't have any right information because you haven't given me shit.

Kennedy: I am NOT standoffish!

Kennedy: okay. Dialing it back. Most people expect some form of a call after having sex unless it was entirely meaningless and they never want to speak again.

Kennedy: I'm not trying to be vague, I'm trying to find words that make sense and im struggling really hard Killian. This is hard for me.

Killian: I have no idea what you're trying to get at with your first point

Killian: I never really thought of it that way and honestly, I was happier before I thought about it that way so thanks for that

Killian: I'm just not a person who's built for that shit, Ken. Maybe that sucks for you, but if anything that'll just push you to set your sights on someone who wants the normal relationship you're looking for.

Kennedy: you are completely missing the major point of what I'm trying to say.

Kennedy: you can be emotionally involved with someone and still not necessarily monogamous. That's a thing.

Killian: My afraid of being alone and your afraid of being alone are completely different things, Kennedy. I know I try to make everything about my life seem as impossible as I can, but I was actually raised in a cult. That actually happened. I was surrounded all the time by a bunch of people. I miss that sense of community, I don't like knowing that my dad has probably brainwashed them all into completely forgetting about me and it fucking hurts. I've never managed to figure out how actually relationships are supposed to work or why I'm not supposed to be sleeping with other people because it never mattered, and I know it seems like I'm a pretty well adjusted person, eight years compared to twenty is a huge fucking difference.

Killian: So yeah, I am kind of emotionally unavailable to everyone who understands how a monogamous relationship works because I really don't see the point that's not what I was raised around so why would I want it? It seems boring and troublesome.

Kennedy: And you have EVERY right to aaaaaaaaaalll of that. I would NEVER tell you that you don't.

Kennedy: But like....I guess.....Im trying to phrase this right, so bare with me.

Kennedy: First of all, lack of monogamy and lack of emotion aren't necessarily always the same. So I don't really fully buy that in complete-ness. I do get it in part but I think it's muddy.