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Gladys: I’m really not interested in you in that way. Malone: I’m gonna do a thing to make you love me. Gladys: But- Malone: See you in several weeks!

Professor Challenger: ROARING *homoerotic grappling!* *explanations and showing of some shitty pictures!*

Professor Challenger: Who wants to do a thing? Professor Summerlee: I don’t but I will out of spite Lord John Roxton and Malone: Me! Me! Me!

Lord John Roxton: Even though we’ve only just met let’s go up to my bachelor pad where no ladies ever venture and I will show you my mighty weaponry. Malone: Well OK, I’d like to see your guns. Lord John Roxton: Guns? Oh, right, yes, guns.

*adventures!* *racism!* *dinosaurs!* *more racism!* *professors bickering!*

Malone: I’m going to go for a walk in the middle of the night and not tell anyone and nearly get myself killed, that’ll impress them. Everyone else: Shit we got captured by ape men. Malone: Nooooooooooo! Lord John Roxton: It’s OK, I escaped to get back to you because I love you. Malone: Yay!

*homoeroticism!*

Everyone else except Challenger: LOL Challenger looks like the ape king. Professor Challenger: STFU!

*ape genocide!* *more homoeroticism!* *suggestive comments involving giant balloons!* *a not actually very dramatic escape back to civilisation!*

Professor Summerlee: Here we did the thing, look at these shitty pictures. Other people: We don’t believe you. Professor Challenger: You’ll regret saying that you fools! Muahahahaha! *PTERODACTYL!* Professor Challenger: Oh shit should we have shut the window first? Pterodactyl: Fuck you, you loonies, I’m getting out of here. Other people: Should we try to chase after it or…? Professor Challenger: Nah

Malone: Hi Gladys I’ve finally remembered I wanted to marry you even though the only time I thought of you during my epic homoerotic adventures was when I looked at a lake full of things that wanted to kill me. Marry me! Gladys: Whut. Mr Potts: She’s already married to me, suck on that! Malone: Well poop.

Lord John Roxton: Come to my rooms and have dinner with me. Professor Challenger and Summerlee: OK! Lord John Roxton: I wasn’t talking to you two, shit. Well OK I suppose you can come too if you must.

Lord John Roxton: Here I secretly found you diamonds because I love you. Professor Challenger and Summerlee: OMG! We can blow all the money on boring shit! Lord John Roxton: I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU TWO THEN EITHER but all right fine you can have some of the money from selling them if you’ll leave me alone now with Malone. Professor Challenger and Summerlee: Whatever. Lord John Roxton: I’m going to go back and do the thing again. *looking suggestively at Malone* So you’ll be spending your money on getting married then? Malone: I’m coming with you. Lord John Roxton: Yay! *hand-holding*