Slow & Supple

Reminder: multiple dimensions x multiple realities x 5 bodies in 1 human. All tied up in a web of karmic ancestry. Perhaps don't take anything personally. 🫠

Ayurveda acknowledges the 5 koshas: sheaths, bodies.

Annamaya kosha: The physical body, including muscles, bones, organs, and bodily functions 

Pranamaya kosha: The energy body, which drives the physical senses and body functions 

Manomaya kosha: The mental body 

Vijnanamaya kosha: The wisdom body, which includes intuition and higher levels of thinking 

Anandamaya kosha: The bliss body, which is a state of total absorption into bliss 

I really wanted to outline the harm that is caused to oneself when hierarchies are played out within the body and mind. There are people that we look up to, masters of their craft. Naturally, we admire these people for various reasons. And sometimes the pedastalization that occurs within communities can be really harmful to those baby artists, or folks that are fresh to the scene. Speaking as a dancer / multi-disciplinary artist... a title that I resisted for so long, I'd like to say and believe that we are all equal.

Thinking about the artistry that we all have to share, it's truly a gift to witness others share their work, their gold.. at any stage that it is in. Currently, I'm speaking from a place of not making it past prelims in a small dance battle this last weekend. The insane amount of joy I felt after going in on my round was priceless. Was it my best... absolutely not... did I try something new? Yes, It was my first time waacking in a battle.

Sure, our leaders of community, teachers.. they have earned their spotlight and the respect for their craft. Love to them for holding it down. But those aren't the only voices and opinions that matter over your own, or of those around you.

We absolutely need our masters, and leaders of craft to guide us.. to give us tools, to keep the culture rooted, but ultimately we still have to let go of those tools at some point, to truly be liberated within our own artistry.. For the spirit of the artist (the ghost some call) to take hold.. to create freely... letting go is essential. My capoeira professor Galo would say, "Forget everything you know." quoting Bruce Lee.. whenever He would teach us something new or when encouraging us to jump in the roda.

What I am speaking to is beyond the moments of training or drilling or staying within a comfortable boundary while working on a craft. Those are necessary habits to bring us to Mastery, but fulfilling our gift is something that is only available to us if we are available to it, something that can only exist within a unique moment of time.. a spontaneous instantaneous instant... that cannot be controlled.

From a metaphysical point of view, we are all pulling from an ocean of potentiality. Each of us with a unique lens on that potentiality. Each of us digest and present these learnings in unique ways.

The call I am outlining here is a principle of the jivanmukta which is to be liberated but still embodied. Still aware of where you are in space to some capacity, but completely surrendered to the magic within the moment.. to allow the spirit to be communicated through your work.

And when this happens.. no one is better than the other.. rather we are serving and healing one another.. whether considered a leader, a participant, community member, we are all ultimately custodians of cultures we wish to thrive.. and we are assisting one another to love deeply and to a liberation that we all belong to.

It's all love at the end of the day... and I'm saying you really matter, your artistry matters, and I really hope that you can soak that in, and give that love back to yourself.

Wanting to keep the jungle vibe alive. Surrendering to the underneath. pleasure. centers. The sacral, svadhisthana, is awake. Everything from the inside out feels undeniably sensual, pleasing, teasing, juicy, wet. ..

Vibes from the center radiate out What are you about? There is no lie That lives in the resonance you keep because everything creeps to its energetic sphere by laws of nature laws of gravity laws or should I say Infinite truth(s).

We are capable of sensuous, delicious joy and we feed the world when we share it. On retreat we shared an evening over agave contemplating joy ~ and its relationship to sensuality. While we all have different definitions of joy, there is no doubt a through line of being attuned to your senses and the inner world that comes alive once the felt sense is embodied.

Perhaps there needs not to be struggle to accept that our natural state of being could be joy... Is joy. ... words feel so limiting.

Joy. (y)our nectar. Our joy is our nectar and we feed the earth, el mundo, pachamama, our mama tierra when we share it. like ripples. ripples across space and time. in the same way plants share their magic with us. oxygen, CO2, vibrate too. ✨ On that note: Say what you need to say when it is time. when you know with your being it needs to be said in this minute. channel a truth and see what happens.

I flirt with the edges that meet liberation, moksha, freedom, wildness.

((Feel from the inside and reflect back your experience. )) the real question is, how bad do you want it? will you allow it? and the entire sensual world wakes up for me, tiny micro movements are magical and divine. Dropping in is natural but staying on the ride is a challenge for me. tuning in like this helps me remember that the eros is divinity embodied... precious, sacred, hold gently.

The snake, this year is the year of the serpent 🐍 bhujangasan, the snake ..as I interpret, represents the sensual scholar.. the rise of the sensual scholar.... .... anyone attuned to their senses, and have been studying or practicing some form of the embodied, ancestral, DNA, sensuality of the senses are reaching a mastery, or are awakening to their deeper gifts... unseen or seen.

Sweet(er). than sweet. that's the beat. Sexy elevator music , riding up and down the jungle.

++++ Wow, ay carumba.. I am so excited to live this life with all of you. LET'S KEEP PLAYING, crrreeeAAAAATTTIINNGGGG, ARRRRRRRTTTTTT. Heal through the artttsssssss. Everything is sacred..fr ❤️ it all means something so different now. Celebrating you from afar. besitos mucho.

Just wanted to celebrate all the humans coming in and out of my sphere. Dance spaces, on and off the mat in the maginga capoeira lalalallala

Ya'll are really inspiring peoples.

Whatever it is, it isn't working. Whatever it was, it isn't here.

A world that felt so magical and sparkly.. It's all been a lie. Disney can go fck itself.

Your technicolor manic pixie dream girl will become the old wrinkled crone witch.

Your semen will become stale, and her eggs will run out. You won't feel a thing. You might not even remember.

How dare you speak of such obscenities. You shut your mouth, and put on a bra. You're embarrassing me. Can a woman just be real for once? They fed us lies. They told us we can make our wildest dreams come true.. privilege speaks from an ignorant place. They dangle the idea of being an independent woman, it's the righteous way. Then when we rise, you can't handle it. I'll speak up and then you'll power play me in that weird manipulative way you do.

Then I'll feel dumb and stupid. I'll shut my mouth.

Life sucks when you have nothing to look forward to. Or when your partner is negative as fuck. What the fuck have I done?

I'm pretty sure I'm just overworked and tired. I'm pretty sure, I'm going to drink a glass of anything I can find. Then I'll smoke a joint. And I'll forget how bad I actually feel. I might get inspired enough to draw something. Maybe I'll dance for a little bit. I'll put a smile on, and try to make you love me. Give me attention, and touch me.

I'll even feel good enough to make you want to fck me.

But sometimes you don't. You'd rather beat your meat in the bathroom when I'm asleep.

Then tomorrow I'll wake up.. You'll be next to me.

I'm moving out and then I'm moving in. I've got a car packed full of stuff and I feel constipated with all the things. Does pscyho-somatic grimace mean anything to you?

The last time I ate, was midnight. 6am and I'm at it again. I think it was spaghetti. I forget. I forget that my body exists. And I insist on going and going, and never stopping. I make it seem like I'm pausing, but there isn't enough stopping in the pausing. the sweet melting under. It's exhausting to go on and on without the _____. The clause in the sentence is this.

+++

Active and passive. Active and passive. ride it and find it. but don't get blind to it. Sometimes I share, and sometimes I stare. I stare because I don't believe. It's exhausting to fix it. It's exhausting to predict it.

I just want to flow.

I don't know. But I also know that I gotta give it a go. You have to own the instant and decide what you want to do when you dance. If you make a statement you need to know what you want to say. if you also just tryna scribble and see that's also a way that it can be.

on the flip side scribbling and seeing means also still being rooting in some sort of meaning. An intention. a devotion or something. an idea, or a concept to work on. plug in and give it what you got. choose to go there. the cypher space is different.

++++

I feel like there is this weird unspoken wall. between me and all the yt peepo in the room. Not tryna draw lines here, but I'm here, and you're there. I be sayin' it. but it's like crickets. fck this. What the hell ya'll staring at?

++++

Something is sitting on my lungs. ++++

I really really need space. I really really really need space.

++++

I don't know if I want to live with you. But I'm moving in with you. I also think I want to live with you so I'm moving in with you. I need to save money and you want to support me, so I'm moving in with you. I love you, and you love me, so I'm moving in with you. Look at all this dirty laundry. So why am I doing this again?

++++

is the inability to handle difficult emotions.

***

What are the lines of putting something off and then being lazy?

What does it mean to want to make a conscious decision, and taking time to do it?

Sometimes there is a need to act before you know.

Would you say the act of understanding the desire creates room for error?

Procrastination creates a heavier load, or puts off the possible difficult emotion for later.

The thing is, we don't exactly give ourself time to receive feedback when we put something off so far into the distance and closer to deadline.

When it comes to creativity, and having a deadline, what becomes hard is that.. our creativity cannot be pushed out when it is necessary. But sometimes it is necessary to push ourselves to be creative.

Many times I cannot create something in the time given, it does take me until midnight the previous night to sometimes start the project. And many times those are my best creations.

Stressors create motion.

Is procrastination the putting off of difficult emotion, or the ability to ride difficult emotions in order to create?

However, in the case of choreographic work.. it seems that the more time you can allot yourself to receive feedback, you can make adjustments. The body needs time to process movement again and again. It's a slow cook. A slow simmer.

When other people are dependent on the thing you need to create.. I.e. they need to learn your choreography to perform, it is of best interest to give them ample time to process and adjust and let their body accept the movement.

Repetition is key.

I just really love creating between the hours of 10pm to 2 AM, and I love going so super slow between the hours of 8AM - Noon. The morning hours are the best hours for me, to meditate. To ease. To roll around bed. To reflect, and to make a proper breakfast for me and my loves.

Living fast and slow. In one instance the leaves have fallen before my eyes have been able to adjust.

The earth is moving us forward as it rotates around the sun. Nothing can stop it. But who really wants to?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I want to hold onto these moments forever even if others say that too much euphoria is a bad thing.

Social skin wearing thin The wrinkles of time hold me close.