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au where Jason’s revival is revealed to the rest of the bats because at some point after Damian moves in to the manor Dick and Tim decide to be nosy brothers and go through all his shit while he’s at school, and hidden within the belongings he brought from the league is an old worn notebook lovingly titled by Damian in handwriting that clearly started when he was much younger, ‘the Jason Todd quote book’.
Tim and Dick have to go through the book and come to terms with the fact that not only is Jason alive again, but according to what Damian’s recorded, he’s still a complete fucking idiot.
~
Tim: number 71, ‘if you’re gonna sit there and tell me there’s an actual difference between a cucumber and a courgette then i know you’re lying to my face. look at them. both can be used as a dildo. that’s all i need to know, Talia.’
Dick: …there’s no way this is actually our Jason, right?
Tim: number 72, ‘i used to be normal and homeless, but then Batman tried to domesticate me like a cat and he fucked up the process so bad that now i’m in this fuckass cult and there’s a rock in my shoe and one day i’ll kill him for it.’
Dick:
Dick: holy shit that’s our Jason.
Tim: number 73, ‘Ra’s, get your dick out, i wanna see if the pit also made yours bigger or if that’s just a me thing.’
When Jason finally makes it to Titans Tower to give Tim and his team a beating he doesn't get the Shock and Awe reaction he was expecting, Instead he is met with a Tim who is seriously excited by his arrival
Tim: Oh hey Jason perfect timing. Dick is off world at the moment and I need to rant to someone about Bruce being an idiot.
Tim: What happened to your 90’s swagger, your— Your everything?!
Kon: I thought I could, you know, change my style.
Tim: And what is that haircut?!
Kon: *frowns*
Kon: I got a haircut?
Tim: No, you straightened your amazing, glorious hair!
Tim: I have got to be dreaming.
Tim: *cries*
Tim wakes up and is overjoyed with Kon being back to how he was. But he also feels some dread. Little does he know, a couple years in the future, he would be exactly like the dream. Tim will be devastated.
My favorite headcanon? That Sally was a demon in her youth. That young love and the joys of motherhood mellowed her and New York should be thankful for it. That one day Percy's gonna run into some of Sally's old highschool buddies and they're gonna be like—
"Your mother wasn't just a monster, she was the devil! She was terrifying—!
"Boy you know what they used to call her!? They called her Jackass-Jackson!"
"WHAT—!?"
"Yup! She ran these streets, would beat your ass just for looking at her wrong—!"
"Once saw her bash a man's face in with a greek mythology textbook—"
Sally and Poseidon fell in love because they match each other's freak.
Justice League meeting on the watchtower, totally boring, nothing interesting on the docket-
Until a portal opens up and a white haired teen sticks his head through, and all the heroes are suddenly on alert as the kid looks around. His eyes catch on Batman and he grins, pointing directly at him.
“Man dressed as a bat!”
Batman: ???
White haired teen reaches back into the portal and brings another, slightly smaller teenager with black hair through, holding him up by the armpits. “Is this your dimension?”
The black haired teenager - is that Robin’s symbol on his chest? looks around, then shakes thier head. “No. My Wonderwoman is taller, and my Aquaman has a beard. Also, this place seems more… color saturated.”
The white haired teen huffs. “Aw, man. I got excited. Well, at least we’re getting closer! Come on, Robin!”
Snapping out of his shock, Superman twitches forward. “Hey, wait-!”
Both teenagers vanish in a flash of light before any of them can stop them.
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Having a sudden craving to fuck off somewhere else to do something else for two months and have zero thoughts or concerns about my own regular daily life until I get back.
I am not immune to the lure of leaving my e-mail on an auto-reply of "this user cannot be reached, please contact again at [specific time and date]. If the matter is urgent, no it's fucking not, go fuck yourself." and fuck off into the woods into a place like this:
chopping firewood for the sauna, having beef with deer that eat the vegetables from the shitty little vegetable patch and making venison dishes from the deer that got caught stealing.
Jason (singing because he's bored): She can turn you into an animal that'll end up on her plate. She can all but make you fall in love like you're on your hundredth date!
Bruce: Not here.
Jason (singing, ignoring his father): She can conjure up a monster that'll grind you to the bones. She has all the ways to haunt ya when you take her on alone
Bruce: You are embarrassing me and yourself.
Tim walked over to Jason and joined in with his brother on singing one of the best songs in the musical.
Jason (Tim joining in): Wouldn't you like a taste of the power? Wouldn't you like to use more than words?
Bruce (blushing): I am begging both of you to stop this now.
The Justice League members enjoyed the spectacle while Bruce blushed, covering his face. Jason and Tim started singing and dancing together while Stephanie pulled out her phone to play the background music from the musical.
Jason & Tim (singing together): Deep in the night the fight lasts for hours. You can be hurt or you can beat her. Wouldn't you like to have some of the magic?
Bruce: The punishment you will recieve if you utter one more line will make prisoners pity you!
Jason and Tim paused for a second, but they both already knew he was only going to scold them, at most. There was no grounding to worry about, and he wasn't some old-school parent from the '50s. He wasn't going to hit them.
Jason & Tim (starting back up singing): Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred? Deep in the night the fight can be tragic. I'll help you conquer her
Bruce (covering his head as he holds it down): He's into musicals, and Tim is acting like an idiot!
Stephanie: You said my trigger word!
Stephanie slid over continuing the next part of the song.
Stephanie: Here in the root of this flower there lies such a power to take her on. You must consume and digest it. Then you'll manifest a being of your creation all you need's imagination. Though it's only for a moment till you've beaten your opponent.
Bruce: This is one of the many reasons I don't want you dating my daughter or son!
Stephanie placed her hand on Bruce's face and shoved him away continuing the lyrics.
Stephanie: And I call this root, "Holy Moly!"
Jason: Ah!
Stephanie laughed gleefully.
Jason, Tim and Stephanie (all together, singing in unison): Wouldn't you like a taste of the power? Wouldn't you like to use more than words Deep in the night the fight lasts for hours.
Bruce: Hal, stop dancing!
Hal (while moon walking): Nope. It bothers you and I love this song.
Bruce: I don't understand the hype with this- Damian you too?!
Damian (dancing along with Hal): Father, I can't help it. This is a good song from an equally fantastic musical. My feet can't be held back.
Bruce: Dick, be the voice of reason-
Dick slid across the floor providing the last set of background singing.
Dick (singing while dancing): Ohhhhh!
Jason, Tim and Stephanie (singing): You can be hurt or you can beat her. Wouldn't you like to have some of the magic?
Bruce (confused as his kids dance and sing): Did I do something to warrant this embarrassment?
Jason, Tim, Dick and Stephanie (singing): Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred? Deep in the night, the fight can be tragic
I'll help you conquer her
Bruce: You are all unserious!
Diana (covering Bruce's mouth): Shush! Sing the next song after that. That's my favorite.
Clark and many others start recording the show as Bruce can only close his eyes, blushing. His tough-guy persona was being ruined by his kids having fun. It was worth it, though.
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I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it
also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever
I know a woman with 2 first names, whose last name growing up was Chapman. She married a man whose last name was Chapman. So her name is Something Someone Chapman Chapman.
My maths teacher in secondary married a man over the holiday with the same surname as her. Because her surname was spelled unusually, it was twice as interesting to us.
So she left us as Miss X and came back as Mrs X and naturally, because we were a class of teenagers and teenagers often ask stupid/inappropriate questions, she confirmed that they had, in fact, done an extensive family tree before marrying.
I don’t know whether they actually did, or whether she said it to cut off any of the potential speculation about her marrying a cousin, but it was probably the funniest conversation we ever had with her.
I think my favourite part of about Batgirl (2000) so far is when Barbara is judging Batman for “keeping Cass on a short leash” and then Cass immediately does some insane shit and Barbara is like “okay yeah maybe there’s a reason for that”
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