THE ‎ ‎WINDOW ‎ ‎WITHIN

“do   you   have   a   crush   on   me?”   it's   blunt.   it's   straight   to   the   point.   because   that's   who   gen   is.   “if   you   do,   you   need   to   tell   me   right   now.”

꥟ ＊ had she been obvious this entire time? she'd thought she'd been doing something noble, how the best way to keep something alive and exciting was to keep her affections close to the chest in an age where everything and anything was broadcasted to the world. and maybe nayeli was afraid it'd lose its effect once said out loud, or maybe she'd lose her, that something so all-encompassing and consuming could only be managed by suspending it in an unspoken vagueness. because who was to say what could happen if she let herself truly feel all of it? she was fine with making a little game out of it for now, obsessing on the details, ruining all her other relationships from under her nose. " i … i think we're good friends. "

"look, i know you're only with me because i give you weed, but you could at least pretend to be into me."

꥟ ＊ shitty behavior getting called out was probably a long time coming, and yet it somehow only made him feel better that both of them weren't foolish enough to believe this was anything but fitz getting what he wanted. the desire for distraction lived in the marrow of everything he did, and as much as he wanted to feel something more for patrick, he just didn't have the capacity for any real attachment, for a dependence on anything or anyone other than the substances that altered his chemistry even if only for a short while. " i can kiss you if you want … " he said as he leaned in slightly closer, and it'd be too easy to give in to that want, a more physical kind of distraction. " and i can fuck you if you want … " and it'd be great, patrick was pretty and fitz would never really turn down an opportunity to get laid, but would it change anything? " but i'll still be me, and you'll still want something more than i can give you. " julian shrugged as if it was a simple undisputed fact he'd always known, never liked being alone but couldn't stomach the idea of love either. " but we can both pretend if that's what you need. me as someone capable of love and you as someone loved by me ? "

he means well , he always does but rarely do rowan's actions actually translate well . with many tissues and a pack of frozen corn against his nose , all words are pathetically muffled as he attempts a pathetic smile . " i was defending your honor . "

꥟ ＊ it was valiant in theory, but routines and patterns had always been easy for julian recognize, and rowan's hotheadedness was one of those things so glaringly easy to spot before the first punch was even thrown. and sure, it might've been warranted to come into his defense, but he also didn't want to be used as an excuse to enable rowan's scrappy behavior either. " oh, yeah? am i supposed to thank you for finding the fight you're always looking for? " he scoffed in mild annoyance as he halfheartedly pressed the frozen bag just a little harder against rowan's nose. but hard as he tried, julian couldn't actually stay mad. not a single mean bone in his body, not one that could keep a grudge either. because as much as he hated displays of violence, and as much as he hated it was because of him, it wasn't like rowan just randomly decided to pick a fight with that weirdo at the party either. " guess i just don't like it when you're all angry, even if it's warranted. " a brief a pause as his lips curled from faint disappointment to something lighter, something closer to gratitude. " even if it was kind of … sexy … seeing you give that dude his comeuppance. but don't do it again, at least not for me. i can handle myself, i promise. "