Crass n quiet

I’m sorry Orpheus i was too harsh on you…

"came back wrong" but it's food that you heated up in the microwave

Since reading this post and following its advice, my microwaved good comes out so much better.

Since reading this post a d following its advice, my necromantic rituals have come out so much better.

No, just gaslight yourself into thinking the crust is better chewy

The problem with "curing" cancer is that killing cancerous cells is very easy but killing all of the cancerous cells and only the cancerous cells is very very hard.

Girls Scouts encounter Bigfoot the most frequently. Part of their oath is to keep him a secret because he’s very kind and makes up 30% of their revenue due to his fervent love for thin mints.

As a Girl Scout leader, I am telling you that this is NOT true, and any former girl scout that says it is, should think about what they are saying and what oaths they may have sworn in the past

your house is fucked up

Still love this.

we should adopt this strategy with more things! "We understand some politicians may feel uncomfortable using some of the correct pronouns for their trans constituents. For the sake of coherent discussions, we encourage politicians to process their discomfort and participate in politics only once they're able to use the correct pronouns."

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it with the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god

“I’ve been at the devil’s sacrament so long I forgot he wasn’t god” is getting added to the tumblr line book

the thing about the jokerfish is that gotham isnt on like some pond that’s the fucking ocean. These fish probably show up elsewhere like there’s probably people fishing for like idk scup down in the Chesapeake bay area over the winter and pulling up jokerfish. That’s a fucking nightmare. What fish were they originally do you think. My money is on sea robins. Those things are freaky on their own they literally grunt.

how big and far reaching is the ecological disaster that is gotham. Theres some z plot that should be happening where the TNC sues gotham for their pollution and when they try and fight it some poor TNC worker walks into the court room with a cup of water from Outside Just Now and is like hey. See how that is Shiny and Opaque Green?

how often do you think conservation workers in gotham kill themselves. Said like it’s funny but it’s really not. I know Batman gets shouted at in the streets by/receives letters from ecology majors like STOP fucking arresting dr isley shes the ONLY reason I didn’t kill myself last year

anyways jokerfish. unclear as to if theyre healthy enough to have any kind of stable breeding population but even if they do the population is constantly under attack from gothamites it’s like baked into people to attack them with anything they have to hand upon seeing one in the harbor. Like PAUSE is that a jokerfish??? Hold on i’m gonna throw a brick at it

fish and game or fish and wildlife or both have asked people politely but desperately to submit reports of sightings but not take any action themselves or at least please not to touch them with your bare hands but every gothamite has a KILL THAT THANG instinct that overrides all desires to not get like, covered in cyanide. Theyre a staple photo for gotham men ages 18-35 on dating apps. (Holding a jokerfish up to the camera) “6’1 if that matters… looking for the pam to my jim. Must have an excellent flirt to roast ratio.” People eat them also. Everyone agrees that you shouldn’t eat them but if you ask anyone from gotham if they have eaten jokerfish about 80% of them will say they’ve tried them. The good news is that theres like no meat so most people just get like a tummy ache but idiots (usually teenagers and challenge youtubers) have gotten themselves hospitalized. Poison control has multiple pages on them.

Exceedingly popular pasttime for gothamites ages 11-25 is jokerfish hunts, which is just “lets go down to the local dock/canal/puddle in the alleyway and see who can catch the most jokerfish in x amount of time!” Some gothamite wins 30k in a bowfishing competition and breaks a world record or something and people are like where did you learn this and they’re like oh i had a little “toy” recurve growing up and i used to go win jokerfish hunts with my friends with it and i just kept at it. And NJDFW has to release another PLEASE STOP TRYING TO TOUCH THE JOKERFISH JUST TELL US WHERE THEY ARE statement that is proven utterly ineffectual by a viral reddit thread posted a week later in r/gotham by some tourist panicking because they went on a lovely evening stroll along a canal and spotted a group of like 10 children all holding a bunch of strange grunting fish by the tails and rhythmically beating them to death against the ground and are convinced they ran into a cult or the mad hatter or some other rogue or something. And every response is like “lol tourist thats a jokerfish hunt” and then devolves into debating the best way to catch and kill them and then a small subsection of people who would test positive for elevated levels of lead debating the best way to cook em

The Joker has a whole series of breeding tanks in his lair to repopulate the jokerfish as fast as people can kill them. It takes up a large amount of his time and money. He once broke out of Arkham early to attend to his fish because the henchmen didn’t know how to change the water properly. The Joker gets really, really into aquariums. The Joker tries to breed a whole ecosystem of freshwater jokercreatures. Jokershrimp. Jokerclams. He wants to eventually have a jokershark with lasers like Dr. Evil. Batman can tell when Joker’s gearing up for a big caper by monitoring aquarist forums.

do you guys know about the internet roadtrip? right now somewhere between 500 and 900 people are collectively 'driving' a car on google street view trying to make it to canada. it's fun i recommend it

also the car goes hilariously SLOW. they've gone about 35 miles over the past 12 hours. this is gonna be a longass roadtrip

big news, i just tuned in and the car has made it to brunswick maine, estimated to arrive at WBOR hq in 30 mins. the radio was playing an early round of applause

the dj is playing traditional french music from the 60s right now and is following the progress of the car which is taking a scenic route to see the sights of brunswick

WBOR is rickrolling us

if you've ever used the London Underground you might have noticed that it often gets uncomfortably hot. the reason for this is actually that its builders dug too greedily & too deep and as a result the trains are very close to the fires of hell. hope that helps.

it’s been a year since I took these pictures I wanna go back :(