Umm Hureyrah

“His face shone with the radiance of the full moon on its brightest night.”

A want that does not stay in the heart but pulses deeper, supplying longing to every cell in my body as it waits and aches at the same time. My yearning spills into my prostration as I beg Allah, face on the floor, forehead pressed down as if I could sink into the earth, to make me righteous for you and you righteous for me. I plead Him to soften me where I am sharp and steady you where you falter. That He makes our meeting as soon as possible so that you heal me, so that this longing finally has somewhere to rest. You, doctor of my feverroot, the only cure my heart needs as it burns. A whimper escapes my throat as I tell Allah that I want my faith to be complete with you, that I want to arrive at Him holding your hand, more whole. That I want to find the tranquility He promised as one of His signs, the quiet He places between two souls meant to rest in one another. Because I am everything but tranquil. I am unsettled in my waking hours and restless in my sleep, carrying a heart that feels unfinished. I am unsettled because the best part of my heart is separated by a distance so long and a line so thick it feels etched into my chest. As if He doesn’t know that you fill my every waking moment, that my thoughts return to you without permission. I sleep to the fantasy of the first day I will be in your arms, of a closeness I have rehearsed in prayer and imagined so vividly in my private hours, where waiting finally loosens its grip on me. And I can finally breathe. As if my yearning isn’t the defining theme of all my thoughts, the hum beneath every dua, the ache I carry so gently as I go about my day. And the reason my tomorrow looks brighter because it is one day closer to the day I am united with the one whose name moves with my breath, whose absence has taught my heart how deeply it knows how to love.

It is easy to give power to the doubts of others and to let their uncertainty grow louder than your own faith. But every time you do, you shift your trust from the One who controls all outcomes to people who never had control to begin with. No one truly knows what seeds Allah has planted within you. They only see what is visible, while He knows the depth, the timing, and the wisdom behind every delay and every unfolding. When people doubt you, let it be a reminder of where your trust belongs. Bring it back to Allah, not to their limited understanding of you. Their doubts carry no weight in the story He has already written. What is meant for you will never miss you. What misses you was never yours to hold. When you anchor your heart in Him, you will find peace even in the waiting, even in the uncertainty, even in the quiet work of becoming.

10 posts!

From where I am. In the state that I am. Still, at Your service.

It only ever unfolds… right on time.

In the last hour of Friday, O Allah, I ask You with every heartbeat for all that I’ve wished for in secret and all that I’ve whispered in du‘a. You know best what my heart holds, of You and for You.