looking at old photos of myself thinking not only is that girl dead but i killed her

reminder that grief is everything, not just what people tell you it is. grief is knowing someone will die in the next two weeks. grief is missing them before they're even gone. grief is missing talking to them, laughing with them. grief is worrying about someone you see once a year. but it's more than that too. grief is being upset you have to miss the first two days of your new classes to go see your grandparent that's dying. grief is not telling any of your friends because you think it will bring down the mood. grief is acting unaffected. grief is crying once or not at all. grief is laughing and joking about it. grief is everything. and none of those things are selfish. if you feel selfish for worrying about things other than the person in your life that is passing or has passed, don't. you're grieving. you're allowed to grieve however you do. it can be different between one person and another. and i know everyone says to just feel what you're feeling but judges you for what you feel. it doesn't matter. it's none of their business. feel whatever you do, grieve however you do, love however you do.

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wish i could go missing for a little bit and no one would freak out and then i could come back and they'd be like "did you have fun going missing" and i'd be like "yeah, thanks" and then i could do that every couple of months or so and it wouldn't be a big deal

you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out

scared someone will see right through me and know one of my deepest desires is to be taken care of

obsessed w perfectly imperfect people. people who weren’t naturals at making art but continue to do so anyway, people who aren’t just “cute messy” and actually have a lot of intense issues to contend with, people who had to work through failure after failure, people who carved their own path even if the world was hostile to them, people who didn’t have the best qualities but who worked on becoming better, people who inflicted pain but owned up to it, people who weren’t the most courageous but pushed themselves out of their comfort zone to earn that courage, people who admit to imperfections without thinking that lowers their inherent value, people who didn’t have much support and yet persevered bc of their belief in themselves, people who acknowledge feelings such as anger and sadness bc to feel these things is to be human, people who have to try try try to get good at something, people who don’t look at others who might have had it easier and think they are inherently inferior to them bc of that. i am bored of perfection. i crave perfectly imperfect

i hope everything gets easier soon. or at least funnier. amen

Earthy tones, heart-shaped jewelry, chai lattes, golden hour, soft curls, minimal makeup, emphasis on skincare, science whore, bibliophile, oscillating between sexy masculine and girly fits, chronic daydreamer, so many interests at once, skin scents, dainty gold earrings, gym streaks, simple but classy looks, red manicures, pale pink lip gloss, bolder fashion every now and then, caramel and vanilla scented lip balm, more potted plants in my bedroom!!!, kitten heels, mini skirts, dressing for comfort, all-day studying, much less phone time, sustainable quality pieces, more time devoted to friends and family, oversized rib-knit sweaters, making friends w wiser older beings!!!, more volunteering, more smiling, more pictures

Thinking of my teacher who said “the way to be beautiful is to stand in the sun for 10 minutes every morning.” It’s like a religion to me

btw things or people leaving your life is the same as them clearing up space for other, better things to occupy your time instead. u will find what you are looking for no matter what. it will come. i love u

“I feel like I messed up” then try again next time “I feel like I’ll never get the chance to do better” there will always be the opportunity to try again “I want to do better” so try again “I’ve made this mistake so many times” good thing you will never run out of chances to try again “I’m scared I’ll never get what I want” you inevitably will if you continue trying again