long hot summer just passed me by

it would be a form of medicinal self harm if i stoped taking my tablets but then again andy partridge made english settlement after major valium withdrawal so

listening to that new transmission live performance that has been released and now more than ever I want to save him

sort of have to come to terms with the fact that I will never forgive myself for the misdeeds I have committed across my teen years and that they will ultimately be the death of me

"such a perfect day you made me forget myself i thought I was someone else someone good" is like one of the most gut wrenching lyrics to be in a song that popular it genuinely rips into my heart like thats how it feels to be distracted by something and then for it to come crushing back that you are horrible and its so much worse bcs you have had that absence idk if thats what lou intended but does make listening to that song audio self harm for those of us weighed down by guilt. youre going to reap just what you sow.

im feeling horrible again like I did last year just mixed with this horrible paranoia I want to cry but I dont even deserve that i dont know what to do

at uni months ago there was a 2000s band night and it didnt go bcs nobody i know irl likes 2000s uk indie other than my siblings and I really wanted to go :( hopefully they do it again and maybe in my new modules I will meet someone else who has a vehement love of 2000s indie hits the way i do like I take it so seriously I see liking idk blooming lets dance to joy division as a major part of my life bcs I like that era so much 😭😭