“trust; is a two way street, as is respect.”

“luke!” you called, crossing the cramped studio towards the lead singer. he was shouting over the music to a girl who practically clung to his arm. you watched as she batted her eyelashes and took another sip from her red solo cup. “luke!”

you reached the pair, earning a pointed glare from the petite girl. luke hesitantly looked at you, guilt already painting his features.

“can i help you, sweetheart?” she took a step forward, clearly bothered that you interrupted her conversation.

“find someone else to bother, babe.” you roughly grabbed luke’s hand, leading him towards a less crowded area. he gave the girl an apologetic wave before she stormed off towards the drinks table.

“she was really pretty, y/n.” luke groaned, tossing his cup into a nearby bin.

“luke, you said this was only going to be a few people! do you know how big of a mess i’m going to have to clean up? my parents are going to be up my ass when they come home!”

“calm down, y/l/n. have a little fun, get a little drunk! the boys and i will help clean up. scouts honor!”

“you were never a scout- you know what? fine! this is yours to deal with. i may be your official manager, but i’m not your babysitter! have fun with this one, patterson.” and with that you made your way over to a cooler, pulling out a bottle of some fruity drink.

reggie spotted you from a few feet away, his beer abandoned in a corner of the studio. it wasn’t his fault you stole the show wherever you went- even if he was the only one in the audience. his eyes were glued to you and that was how it was. you were completely oblivious to his infatuation with you. that’s how it’s been for years.

the boy watched as you made your way over to alex. he ogled at the way your lips met the rim of the glass bottle, delicately sipping at the liquid.

as you approached the boy in the pink hoodie, his eyes traveled far behind you. they met reggie’s, catching his stare. alex smirked knowingly and nodded to his band mate. reggie hesitated slightly before walking away to grab another beer.

a little liquid luck never hurt anybody. right?

“hey, alex.” you greeted, tilting the bottle back once more. “i thought you weren’t a ‘party person’.”

“i’m not.” he scratched the back of his neck, glancing around the room again.

the studio wasn’t terribly big. normally there was room for your piano, the band’s gear, and a couple couches. sure there was an empty area and a loft, but you never intended to have more than ten people in it at once.

luke’s “small gathering” had turned into a large house party and your poor studio had people so close, they were bumping shoulders. cups were tipped on the floor, bottles strewn about, your mother’s plants pushed to one corner, speakers in the middle of the room blaring some jumbled rock song.

a mess.

“i really only came for luke. he said it was gonna be fun, but i wasn’t expecting so many people.” alex leaned down so you would be able to hear him better.

“yeah.” you rolled your eyes, recalling the conversation you just had with the guitarist. “didn’t really give any of us a heads up. do you wanna-”

a loud crash from across the studio cut you off. in the direction of it, a mixture of cheers and laughs erupted.

with a groan of frustration, you politely excused yourself from the drummer. he flashed you a sympathetic smile as you downed the rest of your drink and walked off.

“hey, man!” reggie took your place next to alex, keeping his eyes on you as he spoke to his bandmate.

alex waved a hand in front of reggie’s face, snapping his fingers a couple times. he chuckled once the bassist finally looked up at him with reddening cheeks.

“if you didn’t want to talk to me, you could have just said so.” alex laughed.

“no- no, i’m sorry.” reggie cleared his throat, taking another sip from his bottle, before continuing. “just a little...”

“distracted?” the boy in the flannel nodded sheepishly. “dude, you have to tell her.”

“you know i can’t do that.”

“why not? everyone sees the way you look at her! it’s better to tell her than to keep it to yourself for another three years.”

reggie took a deep breath. his eyes scanned the crowd in search of you. he watched as you shooed people away from a broken vase- one of your mother’s. you delicately picked up shards of glass, careful not to cut yourself.

“i just don’t want to ruin things with her.” the boy finally exhaled.

“well then at least go help her clean up.” alex’s eyes glimmered with a hint of mischief as he shoved his bandmate in your direction.

reggie stumbled towards you, instinctively smoothing out his jacket. your eyes lit up when the boy reached you. he offered his help and even after you insisted this was your mess to clean up, he stayed and helped you sweep. it was sweet; the gesture. to you it was just a friend helping another friend, but to him, every lingering touch sent a million questions to his mind; was that on purpose? why is she looking at me like that? does she feel the same?

to any onlookers, they’d see the way his cheeks flushed each time your hands accidentally brushed or when you moved to sweep a fallen strand of hair out of your face. reggie was infatuated by you and everyone saw it except you.

“thanks again, reg.” a smile stretched across your face as you tossed the last shards of glass into the bin. reggie had just walked back outside to you with two drinks in his hands; the same fruity drink you had earlier and another beer. “how’d you know these are my favorite?”

“had a hunch.” his cheeks were tinged that familiar pink color, grateful the darkness was there to hide it from your view.

“we should probably get back in there before something else breaks, huh?” you tipped the bottle back, taking another long sip from the sweet drink. as much as you hated the feeling of being drunk and what was to come after, you needed all the liquid courage this bottle had to offer.

reggie tilted his own bottle back, mind racing with a thousand thoughts, but only one that really stood out. for him, it was now or never. the atmosphere was right, there were no distractions- if he didn’t do it now, he’d be kicking himself forever.

i’m losing control now that the alcohol hits my blood flow.

“y/n?” you turned around, walking back towards the bassist.

“everything alright, reggie?” you placed a hand on his shoulder. concern evident in your eyes as you looked up at the flustered boy.

didn’t want to address this, but i really thought that you should know.

“can i tell you something?”

the conversation was short. nothing much said, at least not on your part. it was him who spilled his entire being into one breath. his words hit you quickly, the loud music almost drowning them out entirely. reggie watched as your face fell. you attempted to mask your discomfort with a shy smile; one he knew all too well. it was the same look you’d given so many others before. it was all out there now. his feelings for you, the ones he’d been hiding since he first met the bright, bubbly girl. he’d fallen instantly. now he stood, drink in hand, watching as you walked away. you didn’t feel the same and he knew you never would. his mind ran through everything he could have said to persuade you. “life gets so black and white when i look in your eyes. girl, you just simplify, you make wrong seem so right, turn dark into light.” he’d lost his chance and there was nothing he could do to get it back. if only he’d been better, more charming, would you have felt the same?

++++

he drank that night. reggie tipped bottles back like there was no tomorrow. he drank and drank and drank for the next two weeks.

he knew it was a bad idea- telling you- and yet he did it anyway. alex had suggested it, but it wasn’t his fault. he’d been wanting to do it since before he could remember. it just hurt that you finally knew...and didn’t feel the same.

reggie started skipping band practice. he knew you’d be there, going over gigs you were looking for or just to provide feedback. he couldn’t look you in the eyes without being swarmed with those feelings again. nothing would change for him and he knew that. seeing you there would only make things worse.

the doubt was what ate at him. why wasn’t he good enough? was it something he said? did? there was nothing wrong with you- hell, you were perfect to him- so it had to be something with him, right?

i’ve made a mistake, but this is a whole new kind of rejection.

he could have spoken differently? if he controlled the nerves in his voice he would’ve seemed more put together. what if he said something smoother?

come over here slowly, come get to know my body. got me breaking a sweat ‘cause this is a whole new kind of neglection.

he wouldn’t call it neglect. if anything he was the one avoiding you. it was only after he came back to band practice a month later when he saw it.

you were the only one not to greet him when he walked into the studio last wednesday. reggie didn’t blame you. it was only fair you were a little uncomfortable around him now that you knew it all. so he didn’t mind when you ignored him today.

band practice had started the same as any other day. luke had written a new song and was eager to show you all. alex picked up his parts quickly, reggie was a little distracted, but tried his best to follow along, and you sat on the couch across the room flipping through newspapers and magazines in search of a place that needed an opening band.

“what do you think, y/n?” luke asked, strumming his final chord before placing his guitar back in it’s stand. “stage-worthy?”

“a little choppy on the bass, but otherwise not bad.” you looked up at the boys.

luke, bobby, and alex laughed at your quip, but reggie’s face resembled something of a poorly hidden scowl. in his mind your remark was nothing short of jab back at him. is it bad that he was the slightest bit relieved you even addressed him?

it felt like it had been years since he saw your smile let alone pointed in his direction.

“you heard the girl! pick it up, peters!”

“shut it, luke.” reggie swung his bass back around, ready to play. he glanced quickly up at you to see your eyes already on him. a soft smile rested on your lips as you ducked your head back down to your work.

reggie felt those familiar butterflies arise in him. you still managed to steal his heart even after breaking it.

that’s gotta hurt.

++++

i’m missing you, do you miss me too? i’m missing all your cues ‘cause baby, it’s hot in here and i’m filled with fear, ‘cause i know you don’t like to lose.

“i miss her.” reggie slumped down in his seat, shuffling his shoes gently on the pine floor.

“dude she literally just said she couldn’t make it to bowling.” bobby walked towards his sulking bandmate. he had just completed a turn and glanced back to see the last three pins fall.

it was alex’s go. on his way to the rack of multicolored bowling balls, he patted bobby on the back as a ‘congrats, man!’

“i don’t just mean tonight. after i told her and- and after i ghosted you guys for a couple weeks- sorry about that by the way.” luke dismissively waved him off, nodding for him to continue. “she’s been ignoring me. at first she would at least smile at me, but now she won’t even look in my direction. i know i messed up, but this is just confusing.”

the boys had decided to relax this friday night. after having practice everyday this week and working nonstop, a celebratory pizza and bowling night seemed appropriate. you had actually suggested the small bowling alley a couple towns over for the boys to go. they insisted you come along, but you had already made plans.

they weren’t the only ones with a busy schedule. between managing the band, work, school, and maintaining your own personal relationships, you needed a break. friday was the only night you had free, so you made the most of it. bowling could wait.

“she’s been distancing herself from us too, reggie. not just you.” luke admitted.

“girls are just confusing, man.” reggie looked up at bobby. he tried his hardest to smile along with his friend, but all that was on his mind was you.

he didn’t realize how much it hurt not having you there. it was in that moment when reggie decided keeping you as a friend, would mean he at least kept you in his life. even if your feelings for him never changed, not having you around was worse than losing you.

++++

“is she actually gonna show?”

“dude, why wouldn’t she?” luke and bobby murmured between themselves.

sunset curve stood backstage, tuning their instruments in preparation for their performance. you had spent a couple weeks trying to book this gig. through your hectic schedule you had spent little time at the studio with the boys, but you were still able to ‘work your magic’ -as luke would say- and get them a spot playing at a club.

they were obviously grateful, but seeing as they hardly saw you, they weren’t able to express it. regardless of them practicing in your garage, your time was exhausted running between your work and school.

now you stood front row at the club, waiting for their band- your band- to be announced on stage. little did you know, reggie had been pacing back and forth hoping you’d show. the look on his face once he caught sight of you was one you drilled into your mind.

it was pure joy.

the boys all gave the crowd a quick scan as they reached their instruments. almost at once they all saw you and smiled. their teeth weren’t showing nearly as much as reggie’s, but you could tell they were all ecstatic to see you nonetheless.

to say the performance went smoothly was an understatement. to you, they did phenomenally. it was not only the crowd’s first time hearing some of the songs, but yours as well. the boys were flawless and they knew it. you could practically see the energy radiating off of them as they took their bows.

you took no time in rushing past the crowd to the backstage, waiting eagerly to congratulate the boys.

“you came!” reggie practically leapt off the stage and into your arms.

“good to see you too, peters-” you choked, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

“let the poor girl breathe!” bobby chuckled, following the rest of the boys down the steps.

reggie quickly released you, muttering a sequence of apologies. his cheeks burned a bright pink as he finally met your eyes. there was a sort of twinkle he noticed. he couldn’t quite place it as he was blocked from your view, but he saw it nonetheless.

“you guys did amazing up there.” you smiled at the rest of the band. they all took their turn wrapping you up in sweaty hugs.

“no thanks to our amazing manager!” alex cheered.

an assortment of ‘here here’s’ and ‘cheers’ erupted from the boys. they paraded around you, talking over each other as they relived their time on stage from just moments ago.

“celebratory pizza?” luke jumped in question, arms waving towards the door.

“i’m down!”

“you guys comin?” alex nodded towards you and reggie. the two of you stepping away from the group subconsciously.

“we’ll be there in a bit. can i talk to you for a sec, reg?” the three guys behind you exchanged a set of looks. each raising their eyebrows higher than the next. alex was quick to push his bandmates out the door to give the two of you some privacy.

you couldn’t help the blush that crept onto your cheeks as you looked back at reggie. he too had a thin layer of pink dusting his cheeks. the two of you stood for a moment, neither speaking. the seconds between the boys leaving and your first words felt like an eternity.

you shifted from foot to foot, trying to find the right words.

“i just wanted to say-” you started.

“i’m sorry!” the two of you blurted out in unison.

“you first.” you giggled, ducking your head as the boy in front of you stuttered his words.

“ok, ok. i’m sorry for springing all of that onto you a couple months ago and then ditching the band while i drank away my petty feelings. it was pretty shitty- i mean being rejected is pretty shitty too, but the way i reacted was bad. it just hurt because i’ve liked you for so long and when you said you didn’t feel the same, i didn’t know what to do so i hid and-” reggie rambled and only paused to take a breath. you took the opportunity to pipe up.

“reggie...i need to apologize, too. i could have had an actual conversation instead of walking away from you-”

“no!” reggie bounced forward slightly, making you stumble back in laughter. “i mean...your reaction was valid. you probably weren’t expecting it all. you not feeling the same shouldn’t have changed our relationship and i realized that all recently. i’d much rather have you as my manager and friend than lose you completely. so…y/n-” reggie stepped forward again, reaching for your hands. you nervously laced your fingers with his, looking up as he continued on with his dramatic speech. “y/n, will you do me the honor of being my friend?”

you couldn’t help but giggle at his theatrics. reggie was sincere and you could see that. he didn’t want to lose you and even if it was only a month of you two hardly seeing each other, he knew he didn’t want you out of his life.

“reggie…?” your tone scared him. reggie’s eyebrows raised slightly at your sudden seriousness. were you going to leave him right then and there? would you not want to be his friend anymore?

“what if your feelings weren’t all one sided anymore?”

++++

tagged: @caitsymichelle13 @poppin-peters @shmaptainshada @mystic-writings​ @fantomlovescharliegillespie4ever @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ @mnmdancin12​ @annoyinglyseverehottub  @peeurpantsbitch @artificialsweetener15

that’s how a doctor broke the news to you and your siblings. carlos was too young to understand fully, julie had many questions, but you were silent. once the words were spoken, the reality of the situation crashed down on you.

you’d known your mother wasn’t doing well for a while. you were one of the first ones to notice when she’d started eating less. it was you who asked why she was tired all the time. she just wasn’t characteristically her and you saw that better than anyone.

only days after she had gotten progressively worse was when your father decided to take her to the hospital.

“y/n, you don’t mind staying home with your sister and brother, right?” your worried father asked as he rushed to grab his keys and jacket.

“of course not, papa.” you pressed a kiss to his cheek, wishing him a safe drive to the hospital.

before leaving through the front door, ray glanced back at you. his eyes held nothing but fear and worry. you could tell he was hesitant to go- hesitant to get answers.

“everything will be fine, papa.” that was all the reassurance he needed. with a silent nod, he closed the front door and made his way to the car where your mother had been waiting.

truth be told, you didn’t know if everything would be fine. there was a feeling in the back of your mind that was screaming at you. it yelled, begged, for you to listen and prepare yourself. deep down you knew things were about to change, you just had no idea how much.

months have gone by since that day. weeks have been spent in the hospital, in and out patient rooms becoming a normality. rose has gotten worse. the doctors have been doing everything they can to slow down the progression of the cancer, but she’s still feeling just as awful as when she came in.

maybe even worse.

that’s what pained you the most. watching your sick mother try to comfort your family. everyone knew she was the strongest one, but it really shone now. you knew she was dying and yet you watched as she ran her fingers through your brother’s hair, soothing him as he curled up on her side. she continued to write music with julie, sitting at the piano for longer than she should have.

she wasn’t the same as she used to be. the medicines had taken their toll on her body and it seemed like each day she grew weaker. you knew there was only so far she could go before it all became too much.

the chains creaked as they swung back and forth, supporting the weight of your baby brother. he was a light child, easily soaring through the air as you gave him gentle pushes forward.

your sister sat on the seat parallel to him, kicking her feet in time with her swings. she giggled carelessly as your mother jumped in front of her, catching her ankles each time.

“mama, you’re gonna make me fall!” julie squealed, pulling her feet away from her mother’s grasp.

rose jumped again, sticking her tongue out and rolling her eyes which sent julie into another laughing fit. all that filled the park were the sounds of the giggles that were exchanged between your mother and sister, occasionally you and carlos chiming in with laughs of your own.

“jules! don’t go too high! the birds might get ya!” you scrunched your nose, teasing the young girl. you found endless enjoyment in joking around with the little seven year old.

“mama, catch me!” without a second warning, julie jumped from the swing and into your mother’s arms. luckily, rose caught the small girl with ease, spinning in a circle once she had landed. “the birds were gonna get me!” julie dug her nose into the crook of your mother’s neck, shielding herself from the ‘birds’.

“they’ll have to go through me first, bebita!” rose raised a hand to julie’s head, holding her protectively close.

“oh yeah?” you called from behind carlos’ swing. julie lifted her head to watch you pull your brother up and onto your back, spreading your arms out to replicate wings. “hold on tight, calito!”

your baby brother clung onto your neck, giggling furiously as you darted towards the girls, imitating bird noises. as you squawked and flapped your arms, julie and your mother scrambled to get away. you chased each other through the park enjoying the warmth of the summer sun and each other’s company.

“ray! i-i said this already,” rose spoke in a hushed tone to her husband, taking a break between her words to take deep breaths.

“sí, i know but-”

“i don’t want to tell them how bad it is!”

you hadn’t been able to sleep tonight. endless streams of thoughts flowing through your mind had kept you awake. your world was turning upside down and it was only a matter of time before it overwhelmed you and consumed you completely.

the floorboards of your bedroom creaked gently as you made your way towards the staircase. you paused when you heard your parent’s conversation grow slightly louder. it wasn’t like your parents to fight and you certainly weren’t one to eavesdrop if they did, but you couldn’t help but halt all plans to head to the kitchen.

“all i’m saying, rose, is it wouldn’t be a bad idea to-” ray paused, taking in a shaky breath before continuing. “it wouldn’t be a bad idea to- to prepare them for-” the choked sob that escaped your father’s mouth caught you off guard.

the guilt of listening in was weighing on you. this wasn’t meant for your ears and yet your feet refused to move. at the top of the stairs is where you remained.

“i can’t do this without you. how am i supposed to raise all three kids without you? without their mother?” your father whispered. his words barely registered as you strained to hear.

“i believe in you, mi amor,” your mother leant forward, pressing her forehead against your father’s. her voice lowered to a whisper and you almost missed her next words. “you’ll do an incredible job without me. they have an amazing father to guide them through whatever life throws their way.”

“it still won’t be the same…”

silence filled the molina household once more. tears ran down your face as you let your mother’s words sink in. she was trying to shield you all from the truth. all she wanted to do was protect you.

tugging your knees to your chest, you sat there for a while. the occasional sniffle coming from your parent’s bedroom or your own nose as the weight of it all set in.

if thoughts hadn’t been clouding your mind before, they were surely suffocating you now.

“go, go, go, carlos! c’mon!” rose cheered, urging her son to move forward.

“mama, i’m scared!” the little boy called back, shakily pushing his feet onto the pedals.

“you can do it, mijo! the carlos i know wouldn’t let a little red bike scare him!”

“ready, carlos?” ray piped up, ready to release his hand from his son’s seat.

the child stuck his tongue out in concentration, debating whether or not he could hold himself up on the bike. the handlebars shook slightly as he steadied himself, but he was quick to regain control.

“c’mon carlos!” you and julie screamed from the opposite end of the driveway. the two of you had been sat on the concrete, blissfully strumming your guitars and jotting down lyrics. there was an upcoming school talent show and the two of you were preparing a song to sing to your fellow eighth and sixth grade classmates. your parents had urged the two of you to sign up, insisting there was no one more talented than their little musicás.

“i’m letting go, carlos!”

“papa, no!” in reality, ray had let go ages ago, watching as his son pedaled down the driveway towards his mother and sisters.

“mijo, you’re doing it!” rose clapped her hands together, scrambling to move out of his way.

the cheers and whoops carried on as carlos sped all the way down the driveway and onto the neighboring sidewalk. he faltered slightly on his turn, but continued down past the next few houses.

“ummm, maybe someone should chase after him.” julie suggested, stifling a laugh as your parent’s eyes widened and they rushed after the boy. he had zoomed past two more houses before they finally caught up to him and aided his stop.

“he’s never coming home again once he gets the hang of that, jules.” your sister giggled at your comment, nodding in agreement.

“mama’s gonna have to chase him everywhere.”

“papa?” you walked into the kitchen slowly, bunching up the sleeves of your sweater nervously.

“hi, y/n.” ray looked up from the cutting board, offering you a tired smile. “you okay, sweetie?” the shake of your head was enough to pull your father from his task entirely. he quickly wiped his hands on a nearby towel and rushed to your side.

“i just- i just wanted to tell you that i know.” your father looked confused. he was patient as you took you a minute to find the right words. this wasn’t exactly a simple thing to talk about. “i know she’s gotten worse, papa. she- she tries to stay strong, you both do, but i can see how tired everyone is. i want to help, but i-”

how were you supposed to help? what were you supposed to do? become a doctor- a scientist- and discover a cure to your mother’s disease all overnight?

were you supposed to reach inside your mother’s body and take out the cancer yourself? surely not.

what on earth were you supposed to do to make this situation better?

there was nothing you could do and that’s what hurt the most. that’s what hurt you all; being entirely helpless. you felt useless.

all you had were your words, music, and mother.

and you barely even had that.

“i’m scared! what if they don’t like me?” you paced back and forth backstage of your first show. it wasn’t anything big, you were a sophomore in high school performing at a school concert, yet this felt like the most important thing in the world.

your mother sat on the stairs leading up to the stage. she watched as you went left to right to left to right to left to right to left-

“mija!” she quietly scolded. you immediately stopped your pacing, looking at her with worried eyes. rose patted the stair next to her, ushering you over.

you found yourself rushing to her side, finding immediate comfort in her arm around your shoulder. you mindlessly fiddled with the bracelets on your wrist- the same ones your mother had gotten for you on your thirteenth birthday.

“carina, you’re going to do phenomenal. you’re the best singer i’ve ever heard. those students will be lucky to hear your voice.”

“but, mama-”

“no ‘buts’! i’m not just saying this because i’m your mother. i truly believe in you, y/n.” rose rested her head on top of yours, reaching for your hand to lace together with hers. “you’re going to do amazing things, mija. i can’t wait to see you out in the real world, one day. that’ll be my little piccolo on the big stage.”

the pacing.

it’s what you did when you were nervous. the backstage of your show, your bedroom, the living room, the studio, outside of the music room, and now another hospital hallway.

your sneakers squeaked against the freshly cleaned tile as you moved from one end of the hall to the other. your fingers were twirling the bits of string on your wrist while your mind was somewhere far, far away.

this was some cruel joke. it had to be. there was no way the universe or whatever god you believed in could punish such a good woman- a good family.

it had to be some mistake that a seventeen year old girl felt like she aged decades in a matter of three years because of worrying she did about her mother. wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? sure the child could worry about the parent, but wasn’t the parent supposed to worry when their kid scraped their knee or when they turned on the stove for the first time?

it wasn’t normal for a young girl to cry herself to sleep because she was scared her mother wouldn’t be there in the morning to greet her. it was wrong.

and yet here you stood; pacing an empty hall while the rest of your family sat at your mother’s bedside in another cold, stale room. a copy of the million other cold, stale rooms you had been in so many times before.

a door opened, catching your attention. you hand instinctively moving from your bracelet to your mouth.

“y/n?” your father’s voice was tired. it was like he hadn’t slept in days. no, years.

“papa?” you took long strides towards him, panic rising with each step. the nibbling of your nails continued as he ran a shaky hand through his greyed hair.

“i think you should come- come in and be with us.”

that was when you snapped. of course you didn’t mean to. it was only a matter of time when the emotions you suppressed for nearly three years, rose to the surface.

“how? how, papa?” ray’s eyes found the ground, tears forming in them again. “how am i supposed to go in there and sit by her side while she- while she d- while she...dies?”

your own eyes had clouded over. with each word your throat closed tighter. it took everything in you to bite back the sobs that so desperately wanted to escape.

“mija…” your father cleared his throat before he continued on, eyes meeting yours once more, “i understand this is hard. this isn’t easy for any of us, but she needs you. y/n, you would never forgive yourself if you didn’t say goodbye.”

this time you let yourself cry freely, without any care of what sob or croak would leave you. ray moved over to you, wrapping his arms around you like he’d done so many times before. he pressed a kiss to your head as you continued to cry into his chest, mentally bracing yourself for what was to come. you knew he was right, you had to go in there even if it would bring you more pain than closure.

“let’s go in there, yeah?” your father whispered once you had regained control of your breathing and wiped the tears from your face. you were sure more were going to replace them, but you had to at least try to put on a brave face.

ray opened the door for you, revealing your red-eyed brother in an armchair. for being only nine, he had more pain in his expressions than you ever would have imagined. he stared at the foot of your mother’s bed, in a sort of daze. julie clutched your mother’s hand, kneeling next to his chair. her head was down as she silently cried against the blankets.

then your eyes moved to your mother. her eyes were closed. she was exhausted. you all were. her skin was like porcelain; pale and fragile. you’d never seen her in such a delicate state.

“hi, mama…” the tears returned and it was only a matter of time before your voice failed you completely. she stirred quietly, lifting her head to see you better. her lips formed the ghost of a smile as she ushered you over, releasing julie’s hand.

you took the seat next to her, gently lowering yourself onto her bed. she reached out for you, holding your hand tightly.

“piccolo…” her other hand raised to gently cup the side of your face. her thumb brushed away a few stray tears. you tried to stifle a chuckle at the silly nickname she used.

it was your first instrument; a piccolo. your parents weren’t very fond of the flute-like device, especially when you would practice at night. there were so many days baby julie had woken up crying from the high-pitched squeaks of your piccolo. your mother teased you about it years later.

‘my little piccolo, playing her little piccolo!’ she’d laugh.

“you know i hate when you call me that, mama.” you joked back, playing along.

“no you don’t, piccolo.” you shook your head, silently letting more tears fall. your mother’s smile faded as she watched you crumble. you were both so strong, but after coming so far, it was hard to keep your head up. “be strong, mija...for me?” she whispered.

“always, mama.”

“i know- i know it will be hard, but you can do it. do it for julie…” your sister looked up at the sound of her name. “for carlos...for your father...for me. i need you to do that.”

you nodded your head again, silently making that promise.

“i love you, mama.” was all you managed to get out before another sob filled your throat.

“i love you, my little piccolo…”

carlos had risen from his seat. he gently sat beside you, taking your hand in his. on the other side of the bed, julie and your father had done the same. the five of you linked together, all leaning in to rest your heads against each other for a moment.

there wasn’t another word spoken. your mother leaned her head back against the pillow and took in a shallow breath. julie cried against your father’s shoulder as carlos leaned on you.

then your mother’s hand went limp.

you squeezed your brother’s, almost as if to check that he was still there. he returned the gesture, crying harder into your shoulder when the machines had finally stopped their whirring.

that was it.

she was gone.

the molina family had to go through life with one less member.

++++

we three collection masterlist

++++

the two of you had only recently moved in together after going to the same school for a few years. your friendship had grown rather quickly and it was only a matter of time before you were spending every day together. now you live in a small apartment overlooking a quiet city. nicole, your roommate, had found the place a few months ago. as soon as you stepped through the door, you knew it was home.

the large windows, tall ceilings, beautiful floors, and breathtaking views were exactly what you wanted and more. it was like the rooms were molded specifically for you. the only thing you regretted about the place, was not picking your bedroom first. it was only fair that nicole got the larger better room since she was contributing slightly more. of course it wasn’t a big deal. you loved everything about this place and sacrificing a few square feet was nothing you couldn’t handle. it was only after seeing the light of the morning sun that shone through her windows, that you silently cursed yourself.

“we could always switch rooms, ya know. half of my boxes are still packed,” nicole mumbled between yawns. she rolled on her bed, facing away from you and closing her eyes again.

sheesh, i’d love to.

“no, no. it’s only fair. besides, you loveee me waking you up at 5 am every morning,” you gently leaned your head against the chilling glass when your roommate let out a tired chuckle.

“here, dork.”

nicole reached for a blanket and swiftly flung it in your direction. you smiled and wrapped it around your shoulders.

the sunrise was something you’ve always loved. it was such a simple, natural thing, and yet every time you sat down to watch it, it took your breath away.

++

the first time you really noticed it and took the time to appreciate its beauty was the summer of your 14th birthday. you and a couple friends had gone to the beach early one morning because they wouldn’t stop going on about watching it and taking ‘aesthetic pictures.’ to say you were dreading it would be an understatement. it was cold, there was a light mist, you were tired, you just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. alas, your friends dragged you out of your house and down to the sand.

it was empty aside from a couple seagulls and you had to admit, the quietness of it all was calming. your friends had let all the chatter die down once the sun finally reached the line where the sky met the water. you had always been one to take small things for granted. after that day, your life was truly put into perspective. you felt tiny in comparison to this mystical star and yet you’ve never felt bigger. watching the same sun that so many others did, admiring the way the colors mixed in the sky; those glorious purples, pinks, oranges. the only way you could describe it was heavenly.

the second personal encounter you had with the sun was your first kiss. you had found your new love for sunrises- sunsets being just as enchanting. you were 16 when your partner brought you onto their roof to watch the sunset. the two of you had laid out a blanket, sat with your fingers interlaced, and talked about everything and nothing. as the purples and blues and pinks began to swirl together, like they had so many times before, they took the opportunity to capture your lips with theirs.

that’s a sunset you’ll never forget. it felt as though the atmosphere was perfect. you were with someone you loved, watching the thing you love. perfect.

++

“nicole…” you whispered, eyes fixated on the horizon.

your roommate hummed as she flipped back towards you.

“nicole!” your voice sharpened slightly, but still remained quiet.

the girl begrudgingly stood from her bed and wrapped her quilt around her. she stood behind you, watching in awe.

the sun. it is the first thing to pierce the darkness, carrying with it the torch of a new day. it begins as a tiny pink glow, slowly growing until it touches the vastness of the dark sky above. the light pushes away the cold of the night and replaces it entirely. it is a slow process; sometimes feeling like it could last for hours. other times it goes by in a flash. one minute the sky is black, the next its bright blue.

today it was slow. the sun took his time waking up. his rays stretched out before he could, gently caressing the stars and edging them away to make room for him. the purples and pinks above him slowly faded the higher he got. even the sun himself wished the swirl of colors could last even the slightest bit longer.

“wow...”

“yep...”

“yeah, you’re not getting this room, y/n/n.”

++++

her feet grew tired and her legs were sure to give out any second, but she continued on. the cars were racing away, grabbing any person in need of saving and yet...she was stood all alone, waiting for him. waiting to be swept up in a car like the rest of them. was he already gone? did he make it out? where is he?

then she saw him.

his messy brown hair, his tired ocean eyes, his aching expression. he was hurt; no doubt about that, but whether it was the physical or emotional pain that was plaguing him- even he couldn’t answer.

“theo!” she screamed as the tears finally broke through the dams she called eyes.

his head whipped around frantically as he searched for her eyes. the ones he adored. then he spotted her. running down the steps with open arms, they reached each other.

she flung herself into him, heaving with tears and sighs of relief. they both knew it was wrong, to feel so at home but so foreign and yet here they stood, in the midst of all the chaos, embracing each other. they clung onto any sort of hope they could find in that moment.

he pulled away first, still a firm grip on her arms. her hair was a mess and her dress torn, her shoes nowhere to be seen, but she had never looked so beautiful.

“y/n,” he breathed, cupping her face ever so delicately.

“please never leave me again.” she sobbed, running her trembling hands through his bloodied hair.

he pulled her face into a frenzied kiss, holding her there. he felt the way her lips felt against his, fitting so perfectly and existing solely for him. he seared every bit of her into his memory.

the way her skin felt beneath his hands, the movement of her body trying to cling as close as possible- as if she might lose him again, the way her eyes fluttered open every so often to gaze up at him, the redness in her cheeks, the tightness of her grip, the passion that used to be tucked far away and hidden behind her heart, now on full display for him and the rest of the world to see.

“never…” he confirmed, resting his forehead against hers. his cheeks were stained with tears as well.

the pair longed to be close again, despite still being in each other’s arms. it had been far too long, far too grueling without their other half. it was now apparent to the other, just how unbearable it all was.

a shot rang out.

another.

and another.

and then another.

theo instinctively forced her behind him, shielding her with his body entirely.

another shot.

he turned around only to see her pain stricken face. one of his worst fears come to life.

“no...no...no…” he muttered, reaching out for her as she slumped into his arms with a smile on her face.

her grin didn’t calm the panic in his heart. there was nothing he could do except watch as his love lay in his arms.

“i’ll never leave you.” she kept her eyes on him as the light slowly faded.

his world went dark and for a moment, just a moment, he felt the last piece of his heart shatter. there was nothing left of him. he was himself no more. what was he?

alone.

scared.

nothing more than a broken boy.