KatieKins (:

‪9yo: "Nope."‬

‪7yo, wistfully: "Yeahhhh I’ve been HERE before. Sued my landlord."‬

‪Me: "For what?!"‬

‪They asked us to wrap them “like a mummy”.‬

‪For a joke my wife and I sneaked out and left the room, thinking they’d discover it immediately and come looking. ‬

‪They stayed like that, singing and laughing… for 40 minutes.‬

‪Taking pity on my impossibly bored 7yo, I gave him a pencil to entertain himself. ‬

Right now, I’m laying on the couch, and I can hear my husband reading our four year old a bedtime story using silly voices.

And in their guest room is a door.

And my first thought was closet. Just an ordinary, tiny, New England closet.

But no!

There are STAIRS in that closet!

Now where do those stairs go, you may ask?

Up to the black void attic of course.

But you know, it doesn’t seem to end there.

Because for reasons no one seems to know, this door deadbolts from inside. There’s nothing but a black void up there. Why must it lock on that side of it???

Of course, it was then that I spotted something else.

Why yes, those ARE scratch marks on the inside of the door. Which, one might think dog because they’re so low on the door (only a third of the way up).

But you know, this wouldn’t be fun if that was all there was.

That deadbolt has scratches all around it too.

Funzies!

Because guess what.

That deadbolt is five feet off the ground. And there is no dog in this house tall enough to reach it.

myself: hey

me: ? hey what’s

myself: if they wanted to have any kind of contact w/ you they would have initiated it.

me: alright, neat, neat concept, but communication is actually a two-way street so

myself: they have no desire to speak to you and never have any desire to speak to you, ever. they never think of you. they will never think of you, at all, ever, even in passing. you are nothing.

‪Wife: "I don’t think so, why-"‬

‪Quinwaaahhhhh.‬