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Sometimes Vex'ahlia looks like Vesper.

The shift happens somewhere between Cassandra throwing up on the floor first thing in the morning and being eased back down into her bed by cool hands. She's so warm, and everything is spinning, and she's crying so hard she can't really breathe, but she blinks and Vesper is standing above her, tucking back her hair. It's been so long. Why has it been so long?

"Oh darling..." Her sister says, voice full of softness Casc can cling to.

"I'm fine," she croaks out. "i just... need some help cleaning that up." There are still things to do, meetings to attend, something about a ball? She doesn't remember. There is just an overwhelming feeling that she can't stay in bed.

"Dear, you are not fine." More stroking over her hair. More soft touches that melt Cassandra into the pillows against her better judgement. Vesper touches her face again with the backs of her knuckles and Cassandra doesn't have the energy to argue. Her eyes have been closed the whole time.

"I will clean this up and help clean you up, but then you're staying in bed today."

Cassandra whimpers. "You... you don't need to do that."

"Shhh... don't argue with me, I think you'll find it doesn't go your way," Vesper says softly.

Cass's face falls into a deep, weak pout. "I'm supposed to be the leader."

"And I'm supposed to be your big sister. Hush." Vesper presses a kiss to her forehead and Cass closes her eyes. She tries to reach for Vesper's hand, but she can't find it. Vesper was always so observant... she takes Cassandra's hand and squeezes tightly, then begins to help her up. Cassandra opens her eyes again, but she's only vaguely aware that they're moving towards the bathtub.

She hears Vesper running the water, then her hands are gently helping pull off her nightgown. Cassandra doesn't really like taking her clothes off or being exposed, but for once the scars don't ache. Vesper's eyes don't rake over her like she's a display, instead she simply helps her into the water. It's warm-ish, and Vesper's hands are cold. Cassandra keeps ahold of them.

She gets Cass settled in the water and blows out a few candles to help with the headache. "Do you want me to stay with you, darling?" Vesper asks, kneeled down by the tub.

Cassandra thinks about it, but she already made up her mind the second Vesper walked into her bedroom. She nods, barely biting back another whimper. She knows Vesper is smiling without having to open her eyes as she rests her head against the side of the porcelain tub.

Vesper's hands move with certainty. She makes sure all the vomit is washed off, pours warm water over her when she shivers, squeezes her hands when her fever starts to take over and she forgets where she is.

"It's been so long since we've had times like this, Vesper," the words leave her mouth before Cassandra can stop them. If Vesper stiffens, she must have imagined it. She opens her eyes and blinks up at her big sister, and everything is a little blurry but it feels safe. Vesper smiles and kisses the top of her head.

When the bath is done and Cassandra is cleaned and changed, they move back into her bedroom. The mess from earlier has been cleaned as well. Vesper tucks her into bed under the heavy quilts.

"Vesper? Will you stay with me?" Cass asks, softly. "You never have time to anymore..." She knows she is whining like a child, but isn't she one?

Vesper brushes her hair out of her eyes. "Of course I will, darling. Who could ever leave you?" Her words are so gentle in the way they wash over Cassandra. She clings to them as sleep takes her. Vesper's got her. It's all okay.

[Later, Vex'ahlia will sit in bed with Percival, and talk about the state of Cassandra. Her fever has broken but she still lays asleep in her chambers, an old stuffed bear tucked in her arms and a big alive bear laid on her floor.

"She called me Vesper. I just... played along. Oh Percy, I'm ever so sorry."

He considers that for a moment. It feels wrong to him to look at Vex as his dead older sister, but this is about Cass, his living and very sick little sister.

"I... suppose I'm not sure what I'd have done differently. Thank you, for taking care of her."

"Even if I am not truly her big sister, I'd like to be something close to it."

"Well you are family now, so I'm sure she'll come around to you in time."

It's late at night, a little after midnight, when there's a knock at Percy and Vex's door.

They've been back in Whitestone for just a day. They aren't asleep, just talking quietly and enjoying having each other back. Their conversation is soft, maybe a little flirty in the way that comforts them, reminds them they are alive again and it's all over.

They exchange a look, but before they can answer, they hear:

"I hope you two are decent," the person on the other side of the door mumbles quietly. The door opens, and Cassandra stands there in her dressing gown, a hand over her eyes that she's squinting through. She relaxes a fraction of a percent when she confirms that yes, the couple is clothed. She lowers her hand and grabs the door frame, as if needing something to hold onto.

"I-um... I just got done with... work, and- Lady Vex, if I could- I mean it's just I have not gotten any alone time with my brother and-"

Vex is already smiling to herself and climbing out of the bed. She kisses Percy's cheek as Trinket lifts his head and stands to follow her. She walks past Cassandra and squeezes her shoulder.

"He's all yours, darling."

She steps out as Cassandra takes another few steps in, and the door shuts once Trinket has lumbered out as well. The room is still.

"Oh, Cass," Percy says fondly, breaking the uncomfortable awkwardness that seems to follow Cassandra in all the moments where she isn't royalty. She rushes to climb into the space where Vex had been. She seems almost breathless at first, hesitating and worried, but then he smiles at her.

"I know we are not a very physical family, but-" she starts, but he shakes his head.

Cassandra de Rolo had one friend in her childhood that wasn't related to her.

She was eleven years old the day she ran from the castle and found an apple tree to climb up into. Nobody was paying attention to her, nobody would play with her. She sat in the tree, ranting aloud to no one as she took aggressive, overdramatic bites of an apple to throw her feelings into something tangible.

"It's like, they don't even care that I exist!"

She was interrupted by a second voice.

"Who are you talking to?"

Cassandra looked down from her perch on the branch. A girl, with long dark hair, maybe a few years older than she. Looking at her, paying attention to her, curious about her inner world. Her smile was a little creepy, but Cassandra had never been afraid of much.

She startled a little bit but not enough to fall out of the tree. "Who wants to know?"

The village girl waved. "My name is Matilda. I talk to myself sometimes too."

Cassandra smiled. "Cassandra." She reached up and grabbed another apple out of the tree, then held it towards Matilda. "Care to join me?"

The girl beamed and moved to take her up on her offer. Matilda was not as good at climbing trees as little tomboy Cass is, so it took her a few attempts as she trips over her skirts, but finally she rester on the branch, next to the royal as if they were equal, as if they were just two girls.

Cass handed her the apple. "None of my family will play with me," she said. Matilda frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't even have any family to play with."

"I can play with you," Cassandra said, even though she was not meant to mingle with the village children. She was to be kind to them, but they were not her peers. Matilda looked a lot like a peer to her.

For two years, they regularly met at the tree. Sometimes they would venture out farther, when Cassandra was sure her family was all too busy to notice she was gone. They played with dolls and made crafts in Matilda's damp and dreary attic. Cass didn't mind, for she had given her dolls all to Whitney, and a part of her missed them terribly. She was too old to play with toys anymore, but Matilda was older than her, and she still did, so Cassandra indulged herself.

(angst below the cut)

The first thing she did was close off the doors to the dining room.

She couldn't stand to think about it, to see and smell and touch the room where her family had been slaughtered. So Cassandra shut the doors, then a day later placed boards over them. She nailed them in place herself. It didn't look regal or professional, it looked like an attempt to put back together the pieces of her broken heart.

She eats most of her meals alone in her study, if she eats at all. She's so so busy, there isn't time for silly things like food or rest when there is so much to do and so much to atone for if she ever hopes to make up for a scrap of the agony she has caused.

The first time Percy visited after the occupation, she realized she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten a meal at a table. Potentially never, if shovelling bread from the kitchen counter into her mouth at four in the morning after realizing she was going to vomit if she didn't eat didn't count. But he didn't mind sitting on the floor in one of the sitting rooms, watching the fire as they ate from the plates in their laps.

Still, he suggested she get a table. Cassandra thought they had a perfectly fine one in the council chamber. Percy told her that wasn't an acceptable place to put guests for a dinner. And so they combed the castle to found a spot that could become a new dining room. Dining Room: Under New Management, if you will. It was a room off the kitchen where the children had grown up eating breakfast, fighting over fresh berries and spilling cream on the floor.

By the next time Percy visited, bringing his friends with him, there was a proper dining space. They all sat around the table and shared soup and stories of adventure. Grog passed scraps to the bear, Scanlan lacked any semblance of table manners, Keyleth profusely complimented the chef, Vex stole bites off Vax's plate, Pike and Percy cleared all the dishes after the meal before Cassandra could move to do it herself. It was almost comforting, almost a family.