January 4, 2019
A whole new year. Can you believe it? I don't think I put anything in here last year. It was actually overall pretty good. A lot of shit happened. James came back and left again. I started my journey as a unicorn. Yet to find my unicorn, but I'm still on the hunt. Definitely came into my own and accepted my sexuality as a whole over the year. I've had sex with women. With couples. With married men. With a guy who’s name I didn't even know. If you would have told me ten years ago I would end up being a whore and actually being kind of proud of it I would have laughed. I've learned that I more than like sex. Its almost therapeutic for me. My mind goes a mile a minute all day long but when I'm getting fucked it all shuts off. I don't have to worry about anything going on later or something that has already happened. I just focus on what is happening at the moment and I can just fucking relax. Physically. My muscles release all the tension. I lay back and literally just enjoy it. And then that feeling of exhaustion after... That's the best kind of feeling. Laying there unable to move because everything has been expelled. The stress, the tension, the worry. This person you're with has seen you naked and in some unflattering positions so there's not even that kind of anxiety going on. That's why Im not good at dating. I think sitting there and talking to someone is so exposing. Im not good at small talk. I don't have any kind of confidence in my voice. I get that feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Id just rather get fucked and talk later when you have all the hormones and endorphins going through your system.
So here's to a new year. New me. Better me. Im not one about resolutions. Im just gonna continue on my to-do list of my life and be the best I can be.
