kartyre myles

Conflict is my drug. I yearn for peace of mind, though, and that is a major problem.

It’s not what I wanted. It’s not close to what I was looking for. I wanted so much more. Though, it’s the closest I’ve gotten to closure in a long time. Why am I still so sad though? She keeps contacting me. I don’t know why she keeps coming back. Her words say one thing, and her actions say another. I don’t know what you want from me. I know I should leave you alone, but if you keep texting me, what am I supposed to do? I’m keeping my word… How do we move past this? Do I just expect another message when you wish to say “one last thing”? My mind is everywhere. My brain is jumbled. When do I get bored of it?

What do YOU want from ME? I can’t keep doing this.

I feel a heavy weight on my chest. I feel it like it’s something impossible to move right now, sinking in further every time I breathe. I’m high so much nowadays because I don’t want to feel so much all the time. I hate the animosity. I hate being so candid. I hate having such a big heart. I can’t sacrifice myself for others anymore. I can’t continue this road of being that someone for someone else when I need to be there for myself. I need to be someone for me. I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to leave things behind. It’s another drama all over again. When do I get to be happy, genuinely and truly? When does God say, “Hey, this one’s gonna be okay for once” and actually mean it? I’m so tired at this point. I’m so done with everything. I just want to rest and feel well-rested. For once.