okay i went on my pharmacy and meat quest at like 1130am and it's 315pm and i'm just now getting my couch time thanks to having to go back out for corrected meat and take care of stuff back home. man.
i keep having afternoon sleepies and it sucks. im gonna watch movies and play my switch the rest of the day i think. tomorrow i clean out my fridge, get a few gocies. go over my bills.
i haven't got my new work schedule yet but i did speak to the girl making it last night and she seemed very excited about my willingness to close so i'm really hoping once i get trained and settled in i get to go back to being a closer most of the time. i miss being able to do things before work man. i miss my old schedule so bad.
it still keeps sinking in i don't have to go back to that place and this is the least amount of stress i've felt since my like. second or third week there. the last five-ish months feel like a fucked up haze i cannot believe how messed up everything has been. i cannot believe how bad that job is/was. i can't believe the damage it's done to my mental health; both in new ways and in the ways it just ripped open ptsd related trauma i had been trying to heal.
it helped financially, at least, a little. that's for sure. i did get to go to the gator farm twice for free because of it and got to reignite my love for photography with it and start relearning old skills there. there's like three or four ticket sellers i will miss and will look for to hello to if i'm ever downtown in the future.
i wish i could be a fly on the wall to hear what boss lady is telling them all about why i left, lol. because she's so much like my mom i just KNOW she's leaving out the part where she kept telling me they were gonna be letting me go because of not doing my job well enough anyway. like. she probably expected me to just hang around until i got fired short notice and had no other job lined up. hr lady said there was nothing in my actual hr file about job performance so it's possible they were saying that shit and a) trying to get me to leave on my own anyway or b) saying it knowing they couldn't let me go and thought they could just? scare me into working better? both are equally possible with how those two managers are.
how you think i'm gonna work quicker and better when you've upset me so bad i have to sob in the bathroom for 20 minutes is beyond me!
i hope my talk with hr results in changes being made. i hope whoever gets suckered into that job after me has an easier time and gets to stick around to enjoy the benefits and isn't so fucked up from the job. i do, despite how much easier it is to be petty and angry, also hope my boss lady gets a nicer working environment as well. i think less stress would make her kinder. it's not an excuse for how she acted, at all, but i think because she was also always being threatened with getting fired it caused her to lash out. i no longer have the patience for people who act that way but i don't have the energy to want to see a 65 year old cancer survivor fired over it and left jobless, either, because she fucked up my mental health for five months.
the world may not be kind but i can choose to be kinder than others, i guess.
