the insane ramblings of a madwoman

I want to be admired so badly it hurts but everytime I achieve that I just feel like a horrible piece of shit that is somehow deceiving everyone and is waiting for them to find out that I'm actually a big disappointment.

sometimes I wish I could just shut the fuck up

You know what's crazy? I'm experiencing about the same amounts of depressive episodes per month, but I am recovering and bouncing back faster from them. Maybe simply not thinking about any of it and not dwelling on the feeling really is the answer aaaaaalll along! Just gotta keep myself a little bit distracted and just not think about it so the thoughts don't fester :>

digital circus tonite yupeepepe

oh, oohh the feeling you get when someone compliments your art style... aaahh THANK YOU RANDOM INTERNET STRANGER (though you'll never in a million years see this)

I want to drink until every one of my braincells are gone. no more thinking, thank you

I NEED TO BASH MY FUCKING SKULL IN

if I socially fuck up ONE MORE GOD DAMN TIME I WILL BLOW MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT I CANT LIVE WITH ALL THIS SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT

I see too much of myself in this person. God, am I really that annoying? Do I really talk so many words about empty, useless, boring topics all the time? Do I talk over other people and block them out and just talk and talk and talk and talk? Why the fuck to people bother listening to me talk? I feel so drained by this person already. This is why I always keep quiet.

I'm proud of myself! I haven't opened a gore site in 3 months! 🥹

Sometimes I think I got it figured out and that I'm ace but then I get crazy time stretches where I really wanna whore out. But that happens, like, only once a year, and I never do it cause I don't trust anyone enough to do that with nor feel comfortable going up to anyone for it.

I hate algorithms. I want to see something new and not catered towards me.