sad memes

Citing their ready availability and consistent quality, a report released Monday by the Brookings Institution confirmed that, as far as oyster crackers go, the nation is doing pretty good. “The United States is currently in a very respectable place in terms of oyster crackers, and at present, any existing oyster cracker–related concerns are minimal,” said the report’s lead researcher, Kevin Purcell, who offered the prevalence of oyster crackers in supermarkets, the rarity with which they are discovered broken, and the fact that packets of the crackers—often two at a time—are handed out free of charge with many soups and chowders as clear evidence that the country is in a solid spot, oyster cracker–wise.