Karina

Lisa was continuing to listen intently and while she wanted to believe Karina right then, her guard was up too high at the moment to take her promise at face value. She would have to see it with time and proof. But hearing Karina explain why she stayed on the Matched app… truthfully, Lisa was a little at a loss for words. She and Karina did have something back then, or else there wouldn’t have been a past relationship and more like a past fling. And she knew that Karina was a good person, even if her upset towards the brunette had spiked and was coming down about as slowly as sap on a tree. Deep breaths helped though.

Drawing in another one and slowly sighing it out, Lisa turned her back to Karina and slowly paced the length of the room a couple of times before returning to the spot she’d been previously standing in. She then moved to take a seat on the bed and looked up at Karina. “Well… I stayed because despite us not working before, there were some good moments, and we aren’t the exact same people that we were back in college. Life’s changed since then. Our responsibilities have changed, and so-on. And I’m hoping that those changes are for the better for whatever future we have together. Obviously the app’s algorithm saw something still between us that we… or I haven’t fully seen yet, but I’m biting into the cliche of trusting the process. More than that, I’d been willing to trust you. That’s what infuriated me so much. And I know you’re sorry, and I know you said that you didn’t mean for things to happen the way that they did, but here we are. So…” Lisa’s eyes bore into the floor as she thought about a way forward, lips pursed as they often were when she was thinking hard. When her light eyes looked back up to Karina’s face, she said, “No more secrets, and for the love of all things, no more involving yourself in that sad excuse of a sorority. Because you and I are married now and if you involve yourself, you’re involving me and I don’t want to be pulled back into their juvenile garbage, nor do I want Allison getting swept up into any potential drama. I need an honest agreement to that, so that we can both put this behind us.”

Karina had always considered herself to be lucky. For whatever reason, she has always had luck on her side and she’s never once questioned it. However, she did feel like it was going to run out tonight. The mere thought of possibly losing Lisa made her sick to her stomach and it showed as she continued spinning the ring on her finger. Her father would find it to be deserving probably and Karina would never forgive herself. All these thoughts ran through her head and she tried her best to push it to the back as she listened to Lisa once it was her fault. She certainly didn’t deserve this clemency; that much was true but she was grateful for it and when Lisa joined her side, she positioned herself so that she was facing her wife. 

It felt important to have Lisa look into her eyes. Especially with how easy it was for Karina to lie and to get her way with things when it came to gambling. Karina needed Lisa to see just how genuine she was and how she wasn’t just trying to save her own ass. This wasn’t about her. It was about her wife and Allison. Hearing everything Lisa had to say, she flashed her a small smile and shook her head in response. “No more secrets. And I’m definitely never involving myself with those crazies, I promise. I really don’t want them anywhere near us or Allison either so I will make sure I don’t pull them into our lives. I’ll destroy all the tapes. I’ll make sure Derrick does it as soon as he gets back to the studio.” 

Lisa listened to everything Karina responded with, including her apologies. A couple of them made Lisa want to roll her eyes, thinking that Karina sounded dramatic and a couple of them sounded like non-apologies to her. She gnashed her teeth together, while drawing in a deep breath through her nostrils, having to check herself and push past her raw emotions and remember that this was Karina. It wasn’t so much that Lisa forgot who she was, but Karina wasn’t a client or a colleague; they weren’t in court and prior to getting married, they were friends with a history. And though she couldn’t shake the coldness on her face just yet, or the sharpness in her voice, Lisa remembered that she and Karina had only just married. And while that did add to the upset and trust matter that Lisa previously brought up, Lisa was not about to rush for an annulment. Not today anyway.

“Don’t,” she started, her voice low and still full of venom. “You don’t get to pile on excuses and pity for what you did, and then offer to turn tail. That’s not how this,” Lisa gestured between the two of them, “works. I’m not filing for an annulment. But I don’t want to start our marriage off with secret schemes or include secret wagers in the future, especially ones that have anything to do with Beta Kappa Theta. That isn’t going to work at all.” Lisa took a step towards Karina and while her voice marginally lightened up, her expression stayed stony. “ You wanna fly off to Vegas and gamble at a craps table, be my guest. But making bets and blackmailing schemes with morons needs to stop here and now. I need to know that I can trust you, Karina. And you know that isn’t just for my sake. She then took another step forward, “Do you know what Allison means to me? I mean do you really know? I literally fought to keep her away from terrible influences. Because she isn’t just my niece and I’m not just her aunt and legal guardian. She was my brother’s daughter.”

Lisa hadn’t divulged the details of the custody battle with her parents with anyone–not Karina or Miguel, or Talia, or Andre or any of her other friends. She hated talking about how despicable her parents were, about as much as she hated thinking about her former sorority sisters. “And thanks to how atrocious my parents are, she’s the last…the only link I have left to him. So as long as I’m alive, I will do any and everything in my power to keep her safe, loved, and protected. Now that we’re married, I need you to, at the very least, support me in that. I won’t demand you treat her with the same ferocity as I do. But with you that being in the same household, and becoming her aunt too–someone who’s going to have a more direct influence on her–I need you to remember that while she’s an academically stellar, she’s also observant in the people she’s around the most.“

Drawing in another deep breath, Lisa let the weight of her words hang in the air for a moment before turning her back to Karina and slowly stepping away from the other woman. One hand was resting on her hip while her other hand was lightly shielding her eyes. She was attempting to calm down fully, or more at least. Thinking about everything that just occurred, as well as snippets of moments during the past six weeks, Lisa lowered her hand from her face. “I need to ask you something, Karina,” she started, almost out of nowhere amidst the stretch of silence. And as she turned back around to face her wife, Lisa said, “You signed up for Matched out of a bet. But after you found out it was me who you were matched with, you went through with it. We didn’t work out before. Why did you stick with it?” It was more than just following through with the two being matched but Karina had surprised her with a proposal and had planned the wedding alongside with Lisa. And Lisa had asked Karina about them going through with this when they first got matched, but now that more was out in the open, Lisa felt compelled to ask again.

Karina wasn’t an expert at this. In truth, she hardly made an attempt to defend her character with anyone. She’s never had to. Even with her father, she’d dissociate. It was the best way to handle the situation, in her eyes. Derrick often called her out for seemingly coming off as selfish even if that’s never the intent, it’s good that people call her out on it. At least those who matter to her and Lisa had quickly become part of that very small group of people. She wasn’t trying to garner pity but in that moment, she could see why she’d come off that way. She was, as hard it is to admit, trying to flee in that moment. Karina felt like she’s already ruined enough and Lisa of all people didn’t deserve to be wrapped up in that. Allison definitely didn’t. And while Karina didn’t know the full details to what happened and what Lisa had gone through, it was easy to see even as a complete stranger how much that little girl meant to her wife. 

Karina kept her silence as she listened and when Allison was brought up, she looked up at Lisa with what she hoped was the most genuine expression she could muster up. “You should expect the same ferocity. I mean, down the line. You should absolutely expect that from someone who has exchanged vows with you and will be living in the space as you and Allison. I promise you that I will protect her like she is my own. Well, she is my own. I won’t hurt her. I’m very sorry that I’ve hurt you.” 

Karina listened to the question, her fingers gently turning the ring on he finger. She’ll have to get it resized. Unknowingly, she had lost a couple of pounds stressing over the documentary, getting another in finished in it’s place, explaining to her parents that matched would be a good thing for her, and planning the wedding. It wasn’t something she allowed herself to dwell in. The moment she did that, she’d lose her composure. But when Lisa asked her the question, she raised a brow as she tried to gather her thoughts. It was a lot to reveal but not something she wasn’t willing to especially now after what Lisa had discovered and now that they were married. “I always hoped we’d work out. Even then. I know that a lot of our problems as a couple stemmed from my immaturity. I guess I secretly wished I had that second chance and the stars aligned? I always make that lucky joke, you know? Haha, I’m so lucky because I’m always striking it big or whatever and because things always seem to go my way. And I thought that the moment I met you like wow, this great woman actually likes me. And that luck ran out when things didn’t end up working out. I know we remained friends and all and that was more than I could ask for.” She shrugged and chuckled a bit. “I’m rambling. I guess, if you want a clear response to your question, I didn’t back down because I’ve always felt a certain kind of away about you. It’s no surprise my family adores you and I thought that being matched to you, that luck came back and that I’d have that second chance. So you can see how much I hate that I’ve already started off on the wrong foot with you. I---i know that’s a lot and I’m sorry and I don’t expect reciprocation. I really don’t. But I’m definitely the lucky one here tonight and way back then and when I got notification of who is my match and now and always. I hope I can make you feel a sliver of that someday.” 

You’re welcome, and awww, thanks! Right back at you. That’s definitely how I felt at first too. After a while it just seem natural– like, hard to imagine being without them. I certainly hope so! I know I couldn’t last in a marriage that didn’t have it. 

That’s incredibly sweet. I love to hear it. Gives me a lot of faith in love and all that good stuff. Did you feel instantly drawn to them? 

Lisa: I'm not sure how I feel about that double-digit percentage. But I'm glad you enjoy Gordon Ramsay too. Also, for some peace of mind, there is a small fire extinguisher in the kitchen, under the sink.

Karina: The goal is to bring it down to a single digit lol. Ah yes, thanks. I'll be careful.

Oh absolutely. I would love to tell someone they’re an idiot. But that’s not professional. Flying would be badass, but I feel like I’d get a bunch of gnats in my teeth…

lol! Ah professionalism. Yeah, that’s pretty gross. Maybe not flying then. but really, sorry work can be a bummer. And dangerous. Be careful out there, good sir! 

Lisa: ...how likely is it that you would burn something down?

Lisa: Thanks. I won't be working the whole time. And she has some worksheets that she needs to do, so you won't have to occupy her the entire time.

That’s wonderful, Karina! Congratulations! How are you enjoying married life so far? Hmm, that’s a good question. Honestly, I think it’s simply that I know I’ll always have emotional support. RJ and I are pretty much always on the same page, and when we aren’t, we’re good at compromising. I just always feel… happier. That probably sounds cliche, but it’s true.

Thanks, Em! You’re a sweetheart. It’s very nice. A little surreal but nice. I really love for that for you two. Not cliche. Not at all. I think that’s something everyone hopes for down the line in a relationship, right? 

That’s what I thought. But I can’t exactly say that to someone’s face when I’m helping them. Hahaha I suppose! I cannot, but that would be pretty cool. Hell, I’d settle for lifting up a car. 

lmao ugh I’m sure you were dying to. That would be pretty cool. Or flying. 

Lisa listened intently to everything Karina was saying word for word, much like how she would listen to testimonies and arguments in the courtroom. It was nearly impossible for not to lean into her more professional persona, especially when she was upset and struggling not to be. Hearing Karina admit to there even being an expose wasn’t doing her any favors in keeping her cool but she clenched her jaw and pursed her lips to keep quiet and hear her new wife out fully.

Her eyes narrowed, only to widen slightly–while the rest of her face remained as it was–upon hearing that Karina joined Matched on a bet. Worst of all, the bet was tied to their old sorority. It didn’t take long for her gaze to harden once again, however. When Karina stopped talking, Lisa lifted a hand, fingers curled just slightly with the exception of her index finger. “Just so we’re clear, you decided to expose the sad excuse of a sorority we were once a part of, and then when they found out and tried to stop you, you decided to take them up on a bet with not only your future but someone else’s by signing up for Matched?” Her fury was only thinly veiled beneath her attempt at maintaining some kind of composure. She rested her other hand on her hip while her other hand came up to massage her temple. Letting out a harsh sigh, she dropped that hand away, looking Karina right in her eyes. “I can’t believe you. Do you realize how asinine, how reckless and utterly moronic that sounds? How immature that was to engage in some…some stupid bet, and with them of all people?!” The veil was rapidly dissolving, the more Lisa went on, thinking about friends like Talia who had genuinely sought out love and managed to find it with her ex whom she had genuine love for. She thought about Miguel who had been unlucky in love and compatible partnerships until he and Amber were matched. And she thought about Andre, who had put genuine faith in the process and was married for nearly a year now, to a woman whom he always looked and sounded in love with. They, along with others on the app who had already gotten married sounded like they were on the app for genuine purposes and yet, here she was, only a couple of hours married; she had tried to let go of her doubts of things working out between her and Karina a second time, but hearing that Karina’s reason for being on the app all stemmed from a bet stoked an unexpectedly visceral reaction from Lisa. “It makes zero sense to me why you didn’t tell me about your expose upfront, but do you know how much worse I feel about trying to trust you, if you’re so easily swayed by gambling with them? And before you even think to ask, no, it wouldn’t be any better if you’d made that bet with anyone else. And had it not been me you’d gotten matched with, you were willing to go through with a marriage with someone just to prove a point to those guttersnipes! I’m so…disgusted with you right now.”

She listened to Lisa’s words and waited for her turn to speak. Karina didn’t disagree with anything Lisa was saying. in fact, she was right in feeling so betrayed and disgusted with her. With each blow, she began to shut down and if not for the talk she had with Derrick about being truthful and open and letting go of the expose, she probably would have shut down completely. It was an awful and immature defense mechanism and it was probably to blame for any of her relationships falling apart but even if Lisa wanted to walk out on everything at that moment, Karina needed her to know a few things. So she moved to sit at the edge of the bed, defeated and her ego bruised. It really did hurt. It felt like she had been stabbed multiple times in the chest and her stomach. To be called all those things. Moronic and and immature and asinine. Even if she deserved it, well, no one likes to hear it. At least no one who intends to make things right. 

Quietly, she wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes before they even began to fall and Karina swallowed back the hurt before letting out a soft exhale. She’d never been the type to let much get to her. It was part of the reason why her father would get frustrated with her but Karina couldn’t give herself the chance to recover or even put on a façade. Doing so would only prove Lisa right and further destroy whatever was left there. And just thinking that maybe there was nothing left made her feel even more terrible especially now when she’s made the bittersweet realization this arrangement was more than what she had initially bargained for. Quite literally. She hopes, as she is sitting there listening and gathering her thoughts that Lisa can at least see or hear the remorse once its her turn and more than anything, hear how honest she was about to be with her. Maybe it was too little too late and she was also preparing herself for that rejection. She was to blame after all. 

“I know that I seriously messed up and I came to that conclusion before you and I began to discuss it. IT happened early on when I signed up. Yes, I’ll admit a lot of that came from realizing you were my match and I know that doesn’t do me any favors nor does it say anything about the kind of person I am and how far I would have gone to expose that house. I know that. Especially now. A few weeks ago? No. I was blinded by my need to take matters into my own hands. I know I’m not the hero here. I may never be and I won’t go into detail on what I’ve discovered but it was bad enough for me to want to move forward on this. Like I said, I know I’m not some avenger and I know that this probably means I’m selfish and did it for my own feelings and how great it would have felt to sink those women. I know that. I’m not a perfect person and I’m not the good guy. I get that. And I get that’s probably where I was coming from at first. Or at least how it may seem to you or anyone else. I promise you I did do things with good intentions in mind but my execution wasn’t the correct one. I realized the latter just days into being matched with you. There was a lot of guilt floating around. And yes, you were a huge reason for that and I honestly don’t know but secretly hope that I would have done the same had I been matched with anyone else. I don’t like to believe that I’d be cruel enough to get wrapped up in this with someone and carry out a lie just so I can expose those women. IT isn’t worth hurting anyone along the way and at first, my mind didn't’ even go there. I take full responsibility for that and I know I have wronged you and would have wroned anyone in your place. I’m sorry that you feel that way about me.” She shrugged and wiped her eyes again, lifting her gaze to meet Lisa’s. “I can’t blame you and I’m guilty of all the things you’ve said. I don’t want your forgiveness and you think that I could possible change in a few weeks. To anyone looking in from the outside, it sounds too good to be true and maybe it is. I want to believe that I’ve put a stop to everything and wanted to so sincerely and genuinely move on from it because I refuse to hurt you or anyone else. I do. But I can’t expect you to believe that when all of this is so fresh. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I really did want to tell you but I didn’t want to bring up any old memories. I’m sorry I’m protective. I just hate what they’ve done to you and anyone else that’s been down that path. I know that doesn’t make up for anything, Lisa and I’m really really sorry it happened today of all days. I can go. I can say I didn’t feel well and go away for a few days. The reception is almost over anyway. I truly am sorry and I wish I could go back and do things differently. I am ashamed and probably forever will be ashamed of my actions. If you wanted to end this, I would understand and disappear. I promise you I will not show up in your life again.”

Lisa: 'Love' is a little strong but yeah. Even though I'll still have some work to do from home, it'll be nice to spend some more time with you and Allison.

Lisa: I like the sneak peak so I'm sure you're right about how the rest will turn out

Lisa: I think we could manage that. We're likely to see each other a lot in the next couple of weeks. There's a bad storm coming in, in just a couple of days and I'm not sure if the courthouse will be open.

Lisa kept herself poised as Karina turned. She lowered her hand from her wife’s shoulder and fought againt the urge to stiffen when Karina took hold of her hand. While drawing in a deep breath, Lisa walked carefully but purposefully away from the reception site and down a hallway, being mindful of both their gowns with her strides. Lisa had rented one of the bed & breakfast’s rooms for the day so that she could get ready, and decided to go there for her and Karina to speak privately. She hadn’t spoken the entire walk there but once they were both alone and behind closed doors, Lisa dropped the thin veil of calm and cast a stern eye on Karina, folding her arms across her chest. “So, I just had a really interesting conversation with Derrick.” Her lips pursed for a few seconds and then she asked, “Want to tell me about this exposé you’ve really been working on? Since I’m guessing your documentary on Portland’s Asian demographic was all a lie. And while you’re at it, maybe you can tell me how in the hell I’m supposed to trust you if you’re going to lie to me?”

Karina knew Lisa. Sure there was a long period of time in which they weren’t together but they were friends and when they were together, she had gotten to know her wife well but at this very moment, she couldn’t pink point what was going on. Was she mad? Was she secretive? Did she simply want to be alone? Brow arched as she followed Lisa, she made sure not to step on either of their dresses, remaining quiet until the reason for the little get away was unveiled. Once they had arrived at the room, Karina looked around, a small smile on her face as she appraised the surroundings only for her gaze to fall on a not so smiley Lisa. “uh oh.” She knows that face and she knows it well. And there it was. Would she kill her little brother? Perhaps. But not if Lisa kills her first. “Wait...what?” She wasn’t confused about what Derrick probably told her more like worried about how that made her look in the eyes of the woman she had just vowed to spend the rest of her life with. “Hey, hold on. I promise you I haven’t lied to you. The documentary is something I’ve been working on in place of the expose.” 

Karina took a deep breath and brought her fingers to squeeze the bridge of her nose. In all honesty, she would have preferred if Lisa never found out. It wasn’t like Karina enjoyed rehashing their time in school and with their sisters. “Lisa, I’m sorry I never told you about the expose. It was a project I had invested a lot of time into and would have exposed the house for the kind of people they were. Once Derrick and I got to work on it, a lot of people came forward that had been victimized in rush activities and I had to do something about it I just--” and then she remembered the bet and how revealing that would further damage her relationship with Lisa. How could she explain it without coming off as a complete moron? “Okay, I haven’t been honest with you about one thing.” She dropped her arms to her side, wanting nothing more to go back to two hours ago when this wasn’t happening. “I joined matched on a bet...but it’s not what you think at all. I didn’t think you’d end up being my match and that I’d end up actually liking the person I end up with. I did it to prove the house wrong. They wanted me to get rid of the film once word got around and I said I would if I can’t stick it out with my match. And if I did, I’d get to keep it. They didn’t believe I would be able to commit to anyone so they thought it was an easy bet to win. Once I found out it was you, I knew I couldn’t go through with it and most importantly, I didn’t want you to have to deal with those people again because of me. I said I’d get rid of all the copies I have. I don’t want to hurt you’re...” Boy, why was this last part so hard? Was it because they’ve kinda been here before? Was it because Karina feared this would end up just being an arrangement after all? “You’re obviously more than a bet to me. I’m so sorry Lisa I should have come forward long ago. I got wrapped up in all of this and...I swear that’s the reason. Not because I wanted to be deceitful.” 

Yeah, he’s easily the toughest person I know. But I’m glad he is too and if we’re lucky, he’ll only keep on doing well. Em and I both are blessed to have him in our lives now, and forever.

You’re getting me all emotional here. Seriously. You’re both amazing people and I know that means you’re amazing parents. The little one is lucky and it’s a huge blessing you all have one another. Meant to be! 

I suppose it does. Definitely not for them because now they have to buy a new car and explain what happened to the old one to their insurance company. Hahaha no, not the man of steal. That would be too much work. I’m a firefighter. And I don’t have super strength. Just normal strength.

lol the epitome of moron. Ahhh firefighter, superman same diff, right? lol So you mean you can’t pick up a train with one hand? I am disappointed. lol 

Funny as it is to watch Misty prance around in the snow like a deer, before and after she goes to the bathroom, I’ve recently learned that soon, she’s gonna be done and will end up shaking all the snow off of her fur. And usually on me.

lol oh no! Misty is your pup? 

Lisa: That was fast. Do you like how they've turned ou?

Lisa: Maybe. It might be hard to try to commit to with our schedules.

Karina: well, it's just a sneak peek. We'll probably have more in a couple of weeks but they look beautiful so far.