Kaniologi

Assalamu'alaykum, moms and dads…

Parenting atau pengasuhan anak merupakan tema yang selalu menarik untuk dibahas oleh setiap orang tua. Pengasuhan anak sangat dipengaruhi oleh lingkungan dan agama. Dalam penelitian yang dilakukan oleh Rahmawati (2017), praktek pengasuhan anak di masyarakat Indonesia tidak dapat dipisahkan dari perspektif agama.

Belakangan ini banyak bermunculan teori-teori baru tentang pengasuhan anak, khususnya teori dari barat. Tidak salah jika moms and dads mengadopsi teori-teori  tersebut, namun moms and dads harus tetap selektif. Apakah nilai-nilai yang diterapkan sesuai dengan Islam?

Berikut ini beberapa pola asuh barat yang tidak sesuai dengan konsep Islam, antara lain (Husnaini, 2013 dalam Dakwatuna):

1. Jargon pendidikan berbasis HAM dan kebebasan ❤ Dengan dalih HAM dan kebebasan, mereka mengharamkan hukuman dengan kekerasan. Hukuman fisik ke anak dalam rangka pendidikan disamakan dengan kekerasan ke sesama orang dewasa atau preman. Hukuman fisik berarti KDRT, dan pelakunya harus dipidanakan.

❤ Islam tidak pernah melegalkan kekerasan. Tetapi, pukulan tidak menyakiti dengan tujuan mendidik boleh dilakukan. Hal ini sebagai alternatif terakhir hukuman dengan catatan tidak mengarah ke wajah, tidak disertai emosi, dan kebencian.

“Ajarilah anak-anakmu shalat ketika mereka berumur tujuh tahun, dan pukullah mereka (jika tidak mau shalat) ketika berumur sepuluh tahun.”(Abu Dawud)

❤ Usia tujuh tahun adalah masa latihan untuk anak. Ketegasan mutlak dibutuhkan ketika anak sudah mencapai usia baligh (rata-rata usia 10 tahun). Semua ibadah mulanya memang butuh paksaan. Baru ketika anak memiliki kesadaran matang, ibadah akan menjadi kebutuhan.

2. Peniadaan perintah dan larangan dalam pendidikan ❤ “Dan ingatlah ketika Luqman berkata kepada anaknya, ketika ia memberi pelajaran kepadanya, Hai anakku, janganlah kamu menyekutukan Allah. Sungguh menyekutukan Allah itu benar-benar kezhaliman besar”.(Luqman: 13)

❤ Islam dengan gamblang mengajarkan yang taat perintah-Nya dijanjikan surga dan yang melanggar larangan-Nya diancam siksa. Perkataan Luqman di atas yang Allah abadikan dalam Al-Qur’an mengandung perintah dan larangan. Kisah keluarga Luqman ini dapat kita jadikan teladan agar sukses mendidik anak.

3. Orang tua merasa cukup dengan “menitipkan” anak pada sekolah ❤ “Hai orang-orang yang beriman, peliharalah dirimu dan keluargamu dari api neraka yang bahan bakarnya adalah manusia dan batu” (Q.S. At-Tahrim : 6)

❤ Sebelum menyelamatkan anak, orangtua harus selamat terlebih dahulu. Singkatnya, mendidik anak harus dimulai dari mendidik diri. Sebuah perkataan baik dari Imam Syafi’i patut dicamkan, “Perbaikilah dirimu sebelum memperbaiki mereka, karena mata mereka terikat padamu. Apa yang kamu lakukan, mereka anggap baik, apa yang kamu tinggalkan, mereka anggap tidak baik”.

4. Pola pikir anak yang berorientas pada belajar untuk ilmu dunia ❤ Betapa banyak orang tua yang khawatir anaknya tidak bisa matematika daripada kemampuan baca Al-Qur’annya. Proses mencari ilmu yang tidak didasari iman akan melahirkan manusia yang sombong. Kecintaan kepada ilmu harus melahirkan kecintaan kepada agama.

Islam sudah memberikan panduan lengkap dan aplikatif soal pendidikan dan pengasuhan anak. Maka jadikanlah Al-Qur'an dan sunnah sebagai rujukan kita dalam mendidik anak. (an)

📚 Sumber: - Husnaini, M. 2013. Parenting Barat dan Parenting Islam.dakwatun(dot)com - Rahmawati, S. W. 2017. Holisctic Parenting: Pengasuhan Religius berlandaskan Konsep Islam. Jurnal Psiko Utama : 2.

🌷SUPERMOM’s NOTE🌷 Edisi #superparenting 8 September 2019

I’d like to caution all the young folk out there from ever airing out their business to friends or family. No matter what you’ve done, how much you’ve done it, how recently or frequently you’ve done it, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Under NO circumstances (with the exception of serious mental health or physical health risks) should you feel comfortable telling someone your sins. And if ANYONE ever makes you feel pressured to tell them what you’ve done in the past for the sake of marriage or “getting close and establishing trust as friends”, WALK AWAY as soon as possible! That person is seriously crossing the line by asking you about things that are NONE of their business and for that reason they should NOT be trusted!

I know from personal experience over the years as well as hearing from countless people with the same experience, that one of the most common traps of shaitan is to inspire us to share our “dirty little secrets” with someone else.

When we share what we’ve done with someone else and they react in a way that makes us feel not only accepted but also supported, it’s naturally going to feel good. After committing a sin when it’s just you and your conscience the guilt and internal shaming sets in so having someone else offset the negative self-talk takes off a great deal of pressure.

The only problem with this model is that that internal shaming and guilt is a part of the soul’s redemption process. If you don’t feel guilt and shame for disobeying your Creator, and instead you are made to feel good about it, then how will you self-regulate? How will you stop yourself the next time when the opportunity arises to commit the same, or even worse, act?

Shame from other people is a problem. No one deserves to be shamed by someone else for what they’ve done. Only God can judge us. However, internal shaming, in appropriate levels, that put us in a state of remorse and inspire us to want to redeem ourselves before God is GOOD for the soul. It’s a necessary part of our creation if we have any hope of surviving this world.

Thus, we NEED to hold ourselves accountable when we do something we know we shouldn’t. Otherwise, our lower self will take control and we will further fall into sin.

This process is compromised though when we share what we’ve done with a sympathetic person. They may think they are being our friend by listening and giving us comforting words, but if the overall message isn’t to direct us back to God, but to just tell us that “it’s okay and not to feel bad” then they are doing more harm than good.

And if they ever respond, as many often do, with a level of excitement when hearing all the titillating details and “juice” as though they were reading some cheap graphic novel or gossip column, then know they are definitely NOT to be trusted with such intimate details about your private life.

Trust me when I say that no matter how much you think you need to purge and share what you’ve done with someone, at one point or another, sharing your sins will absolutely come back to haunt you!

I know people who have been betrayed in the worst possible way, who’ve been unjustly without any provocation been exposed, who’ve been blackmailed, threatened, and whose lives to this day are in turmoil because they are at the mercy of those who “know too much”.

So, please, I urge you to keep what you’ve done between you and God. Go to Him and ask for SINCERE forgiveness. Purge your heart to Him. And don’t ever feel wrong about not disclosing your past deeds with anyone else. No one has a right to that information! God is the Most Forgiving and so long as you are sincere with Him, your sins are erased and your record is clear!

To further drive this point home, check out an awesome comment that our dear brother and teacher Sidi Munes Tomeh left on my previous post:

“One of my favorite stories on this topic is a story of our master Umar, radiya Allahu ‘anhu. A man had asked for the hand of another man’s sister, and the brother informed him that she had committed zina. Our master Umar was caliph at the time. When news reached him of this, he beat or nearly beat the man for exposing his sister’s secret. "What business is it that you expose this news?” This is in the Muwatta’, I believe. In another story, a man came to Umar radiya Allahu 'anhu and said he has a daughter who committed zina but repented, and she is now being sought in marriage by a suitor.

“Should I mention something of her past?” asked the man. Umar said “Would you seek out that which Allah has covered (sitr satarahu Allah) and expose it? If it reaches me that you mention anything of her affair, then I will punish you to make an example of you across the land. Marry her to the suitor as a chaste Muslim woman.”

Repentence is real.“

Malam ini, diperjalanan pulang ke rumah aink ga make earphone. Biasanya sih, di jalan aink nyalain mp3, muter playlist yang ada di hape. Tapi malem ini engga. Aink bawa sih tadi pas keluar rumah, cuman pas pulang earphonenya aink taro di tas dan males ngeluarin. Jadi aja telinga aink jadi lebih peka ama bunyi-bunyi diperjalanan. and you know what? i just discover something

Aink nemu anjing, banyak banget..

Anjing,

“Anjing aing soak, langsung weh lumpat,. “, kata anak kecil (sd lah) yang kayaknya lagi nyerita horror ke temennya.

“Suku aing nyeri, njing..”, kata seorang cewek (smp lah kira-kira) ketika lagi ngerumpi ama temen-temennya.

“eh, anjing!”, kata seorang pemuda yang nyaris terpeleset karena jalan yang licin..

the question is,..Kenapa harus anjing?

Ketika aink mulai aware ama anjing, aink mulai lebih memperhatikan (menguping) pembicaraan orang-orang di sekitar aink. Ternyata, anjing itu banyak jenisnya.

Ada anjing yang berfungsi sebagai pelengkap kata kata seru.

“awas, anjing!”

Ada yang berfungsi sebagai kata ganti.

“kamana, njing?”

Ada yang berfungsi sebagai awalan kalimat.

“anjing, aing mah teu kaburu dahar,..”

Ada yang digunakan untuk memaki

“heh, anjing! Tong polontong!”

Dan hebatnya, kata anjing bisa diletakkan dimana pun. Di awal kalimat bisa, di akhir mantes, di tengah-tengah kalimat juga oke.

Jadi, apa itu anjing?

Aink ga setuju kalo misalnya penggunaan kata anjing dipersempit untuk keperluan merendahkan lawan bicara ato hanya digunakan untuk memaki saja. Karena kadang aink juga mendengar penggunaan kata anjing dalam konteks pembicaraan yang sangat mellow, misalnya.

A: anjing, aing diputusin lagi

B: kenapa, njing?

A: ya gitu weh, njing. aing ketauan selingkuh..

B: pantesan weh, da anjing maneh mah uda punya pacar cantik tetep aja selingkuh

A: iya, anjing. Aing nyesel banget, njing.

Dalam konteks pembicaraan diatas, ga ada satu pun yang membicarakan hewan anjing, juga tidak ada yang saling merendahkan antar sesama pembicara. Tanpa ada emosi yang meluap-luap pula kan. Jadi apa itu anjing?

 Kalo di jateng dan jatim mungkin famousnya asu kali ya. Tapi aink ga tau, apa asu bisa sefleksibel anjing dalam bahasa sunda, yang bisa jadi awalan, akhiran dan sisipan dalam sebuah kalimat.

 Penggunaan anjing sendiri ga kenal usia dan gender. Aink sih suka denger ada cewek ato bahkan anak kecil yang dalam pembicaraannya bawa-bawa anjing. Dan ga ada nada-nada ngejek atau merendahkan lawan bicaranya sih dalam pembicaraannya. Anjing tuh seolah jadi bumbu kalimat. Bisa sih sebenernya sebuah kalimat berdiri tanpa anjing, tapi kalo pake anjing kalimat yang dipake jadi terkesan hidup aja weh.

nah itu, nambah lagi fungsi anjing.

Orang tua pasti marah kalo denger anaknya bilang anjing. Tapi anehnya, kalo sesama mereka ngobrol, tetep aja pake anjing. Seolah kalo anjing itu punya bagian tersendiri dalam tingkat kehalusan berbahasa sunda. Semacam “boleh dipake ke temen sebaya, tapi ga sopan buat yang lebih tua” dan pastinya dipake ke seseorang yang emang uda akrab aja.

Aneh soalnya, misal kalo ada orang yang ga deket ama kita ngobrol pake anjing ke kita, suka ada perasaan kayak direndahkan,.

“ga sopan banget ini orang”, gitu kan pasti dalem dalem hati.

Tapi kalo orang yang bilang anjingnya temen deket, lain lagi urusannya

“eh anjing, hape aing ketinggalan!”

“ah anjing, kebiasaan maneh mah”

We are mutually using anjing to each other. (read: pa anjing-anjing)

tapi kenapa harus anjing? kalo misal alesannya karena diharamkan agama, kenapa babi ga sepopuler anjing? ato kalo misalnya anjing awal mulanya dipake buat ngejek, kenapa monyet juga ga sepopuler anjing? padahal kebanyakan orang lebih sakit hati dikatain monyet daripada dikatain anjing

aink juga sering denger orang mengumpat pake monyet dan babi. Tapi tetep, ga ada yang se-anjing kata anjing dalam fleksibilitas penempatan dalam kalimat.

Aink jadi penasaran awalnya gimana penggunaan anjing ini teh.. Kok bisa anjing? kenapa mesti anjing?

—

1) Repenting Allah says : “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins reached the clouds of the sky and if you then ask forgiveness of Me, I will forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.” [Hadith Qudsi] 2) Performing Prayer The Prophet (saws) said :“When the time for a prayer comes, if any Muslim performs ablution well and offers his prayer with humility and bowing, it will be an expiation for his past sins, so long as he has not committed a major sin; and this applies to for all times.” [ Muslim ] 3) Performing Wudhu (ablution) The Prophet (saws) said :“He who performed ablution well, his sins would come out from his body, even coming out from under his nails.” [ Sahih Muslim ] 4) Attending the Jumu'ah Salah (Friday Prayer) The Prophet (saws) said : “The five prayers and from one Friday prayer to (the next) Friday prayer is an expiation (of the sins committed in between their intervals) if major sins are not committed.” [ Sahih Muslim ]. “Whoever takes a bath on Friday, purifies himself as much as he can, then uses his (hair) oil or perfumes himself with the scent of his house, then proceeds (for Jumua prayer) and does not separate two persons sitting together (in the mosque), then prays as much as (Allah has) written for him and then remains silent while the Imam is delivering the Khutba, his sins in-between the present and the last Friday would be forgiven.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] 5) Waiting for Prayer Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.S) asked : “Shall I not tell you of something by means of which Allah erases sins and raises you in status?”. They said :“Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He (saws) said : “Doing wudoo’ well even when it is difficult, taking many steps to the mosques and waiting for praying after prayer. That is (equivalent) to guarding the frontier.” [ Muslim ] 6) Doing good deeds Do more good deeds because Allah said :“ Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (small sins).” [ Quran : 11 verse 114 ] 7) Performing Umrah and Hajj The Prophet (saws) said :“Whoever performs Hajj for Allah’s pleasure and does not have sexual relations with his wife, and does not do evil or sins then he will return (after Hajj free from all sins) as if he were born anew.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] “The performance of Umra is an expiation for the sins committed (between it and the previous one). And the reward of Hajj Mabrur (the one accepted by Allah) is nothing except Paradise.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] 8) Saying ‘Ameen’ after the Imam The Prophet (saws) said :“When the Imam says 'Ameen’, you should all say 'Ameen’ at that time, and he whose 'Ameen’ coincides with the 'Ameen’ of the angels, all his past sins will be forgiven.” [ Bukhari ] 9) Calling out Adhaan The Prophet (saws) said :“The muadhin (the one who call out the prayer) will receive forgiveness to the extent to which his voice reaches, and every moist and dry place will testify on his behalf; and he who attends (the congregation of) prayer will have 25 prayers recorded for him.” [ Aby Dawud ] 10) Walking to the Prayer Place The Prophet (saws) said :“If he performs ablution completely and then goes to the mosque with the sole intention of perfoming the prayer, and nothing urges him to proceed to the mosque except the prayer, then on every step which he takes towards the mosque, he will be raised one degree or one of his sins will be forgiven. The angels will keep on asking Allah’s forgiveness and blessings for everyone of you so long as he keeps sitting at his praying place. The angels will say, 'O Allah, bless him! O Allah, be merciful to him!’ as long as he does not do a thing which gives trouble to others.” [ Bukhari ] 11) Giving charity The Prophet (saws) said :“The charity erases the bad deed like the water puts out the fire.” [ Tirmidhi ] 12) Asking forgiveness from others on wronging them The Prophet (saws) said :“Whoever has oppressed another persons concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Ressurection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him.” [ Bukhari ] 13) Reciting Salawaat (Blessings) on Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.S The Prophet (saws) said :“He who sends blessings on me once Allah sends blessings on him ten times and removes from him ten times and raises him by ten degrees.” [ al-Nasa'i ] 14) Being kind to animals The Prophet (saws) said :“A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with head-cover she drew out some water for it. So Allah forgave her because of that.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] 15) Praising Allah after Eating Food The Prophet (saws) said :“ He who has taken food and says at the end : Al-hamdu lillahi-lladhi at'amani hadha, wa razaqanihi min ghairi haulin minni wa la quwwatin (All praise is due to Allah Who has given me food to eat and provided it without any endeavor on my part or any power), all his past (minor) sins will be forgiven.” [ At-Tirmidhi ] 16) Removing Obstacles from the Road or Way The Prophet (saws) said :“ While a man was on the way, he found a thorny branch of tree on the way and removed it. Allah thanked him for that deed and forgave him (his sins).” [ Bukhari ] 17) Hide Other’s faults and sins The Prophet (saws) said :“ He who conceals (the faults) of a Muslim, Allah would conceal his faults in the world and in the Hereafter. Allah is at the back of a servant so long as the servant is at the back of his brother.” [ Sahih Muslim ] He (saws) also said :“ The believer will be brought close to his Lord until He conceals him and makes him confess hin sin. Allah will say, 'Do you remember such and such a sin?’ The man will say, 'Yes, I admit it.’ The Lord will say, 'I concealed it for you in the world and I forgave you for it today.” [ Bukhari ] 18) Observing Patience during Hard Times The Prophet (saws) said :“ Whenever a believer is stricken with a calamity (discomfort, illness, anxiety, grief or worry), even the pricking of a thorn, his sins are expiated for him.” [ Bukhari, Muslim ] He (saws) also said :“ When Allah loves someone He tests them, as for whoever is content Allah is pleased with him, and as for whoever is discontented, Allah is displeased with him.” [Tirmidhi, classed as Hasan] 19) Making some dhikr The Prophet (saws) said :“ Whoever says, 'Subhan Allahi wa bihamdihi’, 100 times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] He (saws) said :“ If anyone glorifies Allah after every prayer 33 times (SubhanAllah), and praises Allah 33 times (Alhamdulillah), and declares His Greatness 33 times ( Allah hu Akbar ), ninety-nine times in all, and to complete a hundred says : 'La ilaaha illal-lah wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulk wa lahul-hamd wa huwa 'alaa kulli shai-in qadeer’ his sins will be forgiven even if these are as abundant as the foam of the sea.” [ Sahih Muslim ] He (saws) said :“ If anyone says: Astaghfirullah-alladhi la ilaaha illa Huwal-Haiyyul-Qayyoumu, wa atoubi ilaihi ( I seek forgiveness of Allah besides Whom there is non worthy of worship, the Ever-Living, the Self-Subsisting, and I turn to Him in repentance ), his sins will be forgiven even if he should have run away from the battlefield.” In another narration, these words are to be repeated 3 times.[ Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi and Al-Hakim ] He (saws) said :“ If anyone sits in an assembly where there is clamor and says before getting up to leave 'Subhanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika, ash-hadu Allah ilaaha illa-anta, astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayka’ (Glory to be to You, O Allah, I begin with declaring all praise is to You, I testify there is no god but You; I ask Your pardon & turn to You in repentance), he will be forgiven any sin (of the tongue) he might have committed in that assembly.” [ Tirmidhi] 20) Saying 'Subhan-Allah’ 100 times Sa’d bin Abu Waqqas ( May Allah be pleased with him ) reported : We were with the Messenger of Allah (SAWS) when he asked :“Is anyone of you unable to earn a thousand good deeds?” One of those present asked: “How can one earn thousand good deeds in a day?” He (SAWS) replied :“By saying :'SubhanAllah 100 times, then 1000 good deeds will be recorded for him or 1000 sins will be blotted out from his record.” [ Muslim ] 21) The best duaa for seeking forgiveness is to say : “Allahuma Anta Rabbi, la ilaha illa Anta, khalaqtani wa ana 'abduka, wa ana 'ala 'ahdika wa wa'dika mastata'tu, a'udhu bika min sharri ma sana'tu, abu'u laka bini'matika 'alayya, wa abu'u laka bidhanbi faghfir li, fa innahu la yaghfirudh-dhunuba illa Anta.” (O Allah! You are my Lord. There is no god except You. You have created, I am Your slave, I hold to Your Covenant as far as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done. I acknowledge the favours that You have bestowed upon me and I confess my sins. Pardon me, for none but You has the power to pardon). He who supplicates in these terms during the day with firm belief in it and dies on the same day (before the evening), he will be one of the dwellers of Jannah; anf if anyone supplicates in these terms during the night with firm belief in it and dies before the morning, he will be one of the dwellers of Jannah.“ [ Al-Bukhari ] May Allah erase our sins and save us from the torment of Hell. Ameen

may the most merciful, ease our pain and suffering, grant us jannatul firdaus, bring us closer to him, place us amongs those who are patient, kind, forgiving, compassionate, loving, honest, warm, humble gentle and pious. allahumma ameen.

we’re not all arab

not all ladies choose to wear hijab

some are more religious than others

stereotypes like child marriage are from culture and not religion

some are very open-minded, some are not, it’s not just because of religion.

some follow halal laws, some do not

it is not your choice to decide if someone is muslim or not

don’t make fun of people who say things like “mashallah” or “subhanallah” in conversation, it’s like saying “thank god”

hijab is most often a choice

most women enjoy wearing hijab

yes we do get hot but we look snazzy doing it

there are many different ways to wear hijab, one is not more valid than the other

yes ramadan is a very real thing and yes we fast meaning no food or water until sunrise to sunset

there are many lgbtq+ muslims

just about all of us hate terrorist groups like isis

Kamu takkan pernah sanggup mendaki sampai ke puncak gunung iman, kecuali dengan satu kata: cinta. Imanmu hanyalah kumpulan keyakinan semu dan beku, tanpa nyawa tanpa gerak, tanpa daya hidup tanpa daya cipta. Kecuali ketika ruh cinta menyentuhnya. Seketika ia hidup, bergeliat, bergerak tanpa henti, penuh vitalitas, penuh daya cipta, bertarung dan mengalahkan diri sendiri, angkara murka atau syahwat.

Iman itu laut, cintalah ombaknya. Iman itu api, cintalah panasnya. Iamn itu angin, cintalah badainya. Iman itu salju, cintalah dinginnya. Iman itu sungai, cintalah arusnya.

Seperti itulah cinta bekerja ketika kamu harus memenangkan Allah atas dirimu sendiri, atau bekerja dalam diri pemuda ahli ibadah itu. Kejadiaanya diriwayatkan Al Mubarrid dari Abu Kamil, dari Ishak bin Ibrahim dari Raja’ bin Amr Al Nakha'i. Seorang pemuda Kufa yang terkenal ahli ibadah suatu saat jatuh cinta dan tergila-gila pada seorang gadis. Cintanya berbalas. Gadis iru sama gilanya. Bahkan ketika lamaran sang pemuda ditolak karena sang gadis telah dijodohkan dengan saudara sepupunya, mereka tetap nekat, ternyata. Gadis itu bahkan menggoda kekasihnya, “Aku datang padamu, atau kuantar cara supaya kamu bisa menyelinap ke rumahku”. Itu jelas jalan sahwat.

“Tidak! Aku menolak kedua pilihan itu. Aku takut pada neraka yang nyalanya tak pernah padam!” Itu jawaban sang pemuda yang menghentak sang gadis. Pemuda itu memenangkan iman atas syahwatnya dengan kekuatan cinta. “Jadi dia masih takut pada Allah?” Gumam sang gadis. Seketika ia tersadar, dan dunia tiba-tiba jadi kerdil di matanya. Ia pun bertaubat dan kemudian mewakafkan dirinya untuk ibadah. Tapi cintanya pada sang pemuda tidak mati. Cintanya berubah jadi rindu yang menggelora dalam jiwa dan doa-doanya. Tubuhnya luluh lantak didera rindu. Ia mati, akhirnya.

Sang pemuda terhenyak. Itu mimpi buruk. Gadisnya telah pergi membawa semua cintanya. Maka kuburan sang gadislah tempat ia mencurahkan rindu dan doa-doanya. Sampai suatu saat ia tertidur di atas kuburan gadisnya. Tiba-tiba sang gadis hadir dalam tidurnya. Cantik. Sangat cantik. “Apa kabar? Bagaimana keadaanmu setelah kepergianku,” tanya sang gadis. “Baik-baik saja. Kamu sendiri disana bagaimana,” jawabnya sambil balik bertanya. “Aku disini, dalam surga abadi, dalam nikmat dan hidup tanpa akhir,” jawab gadisnya. “Doakan aku. Jangan pernah lupa padaku. Aku selalu ingat padamu. Kapan aku bisa bertemu denganmu,” tanya sang pemuda lagi. “Aku juga tidak pernah lupa padamu. Aku selalu berdoa kepada Allah menyatukan kita di surga. Teruslah beribadah. Sebentar lagi kamu akan menyusulku,” jawab sang gadis. Hanya tujuh malam setelah mimpi itu, sang pemuda pun menemui ajalnya.

Atas nama cinta ia memenangkan Allah atas dirinya sendiri, memenangkan iman atas syahwatnya sendiri. Atas nama cinta pula Allah mempertemukan mereka. Cinta selalu bekerja dengan cara itu.

Ada sebuah penyakit, saya tidak tahu nama resminya. Tapi kita namakan saja “Sindrom Ketinggalan Balapan”.

Indikasinya begini:

• Kamu sedang belajar atau meniti karir, tapi have no idea kamu mau jadi seperti apa di ujungnya nanti.

• Kamu ngeliat figur-figur hebat di bidang kamu. Di satu sisi kamu jadi bersemangat, di sisi lain kamu jadi overwhelmed karena ngerasa banyak banget hal yang mesti kamu pelajari untuk berada pada posisi seperti mereka.

• Efek lainnya juga, mungkin kamu jadi ngerasa ketinggalan, atau bahkan ngerasa udah salah jalan selama ini.

• Lalu kamu ngerasa tahun-tahun yang sudah kamu lalui kamu habiskan begitu saja, agak sia-sia. Kesal dan menyesal rasanya.

• Terlebih, kalau figur yang kamu lihat adalah teman sebaya kamu. Ada yang udah sampai di sana, ada yang udah jadi ini, ada yang sudah menghasilkan itu. Rasanya pengen mencet tombol restart hidup–andai saja ada.

Apa yang mesti dipikirkan-dilakukan dalam kondisi begitu?

Penanganan pertama: “Ingat, hakikat yang paling hakiki tentang hidup, bahwa kita semua akan mati, lalu semua cita-cita, pencapaian, karir–betapapun cemerlangnya, akan berakhir. Tutup buku. Apa yang penting adalah amal yang kita niatkan, persembahkan, untuk Sang Pencipta.

Penganan kedua: “Ingat, semua orang berproses. Semua yang ada di puncak pernah mendaki dari bawah. Jika kita masih di bawah, santai aja. Panik tidak akan membuat kita tiba-tiba berada di puncak. Tenang. Terus bejalan, selangkah demi selangkah. Lakukan sekecil apapun upaya kamu untuk menjadi versi lebih baik dari diri kamu, setiap hari, setiap waktu.”

Penanganan ketiga: “Ingat, hidup bukan balapan. Yang lebih dahulu menjadi hebat tidak membuatnya superior secara permanen dibanding kita; suatu saat kita bisa melampauinya. Terlebih, yang di mata kita sudah hebat, barangkali payah dan berantakan dalam sekian aspek–yang mungkin kita baik di sana. Kasih sayang keluarga, pertemanan yang berkualitas, ibadah yang khusyu’–banyak sekali hal yang matters dalam hidup yang tidak perlu syarat untuk memilikinya.

Oke, sementara segitu dulu.

Tarik nafaaas, hembuskan. Ayo kita jalan lagi, selangkah demi selangkah.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

Confucius

1) Repenting Allah says : “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins reached the clouds of the sky and if you then ask forgiveness of Me, I will forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.” [Hadith Qudsi] 2) Performing Prayer The Prophet (saws) said :“When the time for a prayer comes, if any Muslim performs ablution well and offers his prayer with humility and bowing, it will be an expiation for his past sins, so long as he has not committed a major sin; and this applies to for all times.” [ Muslim ] 3) Performing Wudhu (ablution) The Prophet (saws) said :“He who performed ablution well, his sins would come out from his body, even coming out from under his nails.” [ Sahih Muslim ] 4) Attending the Jumu'ah Salah (Friday Prayer) The Prophet (saws) said : “The five prayers and from one Friday prayer to (the next) Friday prayer is an expiation (of the sins committed in between their intervals) if major sins are not committed.” [ Sahih Muslim ]. “Whoever takes a bath on Friday, purifies himself as much as he can, then uses his (hair) oil or perfumes himself with the scent of his house, then proceeds (for Jumua prayer) and does not separate two persons sitting together (in the mosque), then prays as much as (Allah has) written for him and then remains silent while the Imam is delivering the Khutba, his sins in-between the present and the last Friday would be forgiven.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] 5) Waiting for Prayer Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.S) asked : “Shall I not tell you of something by means of which Allah erases sins and raises you in status?”. They said :“Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He (saws) said : “Doing wudoo’ well even when it is difficult, taking many steps to the mosques and waiting for praying after prayer. That is (equivalent) to guarding the frontier.” [ Muslim ] 6) Doing good deeds Do more good deeds because Allah said :“ Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (small sins).” [ Quran : 11 verse 114 ] 7) Performing Umrah and Hajj The Prophet (saws) said :“Whoever performs Hajj for Allah’s pleasure and does not have sexual relations with his wife, and does not do evil or sins then he will return (after Hajj free from all sins) as if he were born anew.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] “The performance of Umra is an expiation for the sins committed (between it and the previous one). And the reward of Hajj Mabrur (the one accepted by Allah) is nothing except Paradise.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] 8) Saying ‘Ameen’ after the Imam The Prophet (saws) said :“When the Imam says ‘Ameen’, you should all say ‘Ameen’ at that time, and he whose ‘Ameen’ coincides with the 'Ameen’ of the angels, all his past sins will be forgiven.” [ Bukhari ] 9) Calling out Adhaan The Prophet (saws) said :“The muadhin (the one who call out the prayer) will receive forgiveness to the extent to which his voice reaches, and every moist and dry place will testify on his behalf; and he who attends (the congregation of) prayer will have 25 prayers recorded for him.” [ Aby Dawud ] 10) Walking to the Prayer Place The Prophet (saws) said :“If he performs ablution completely and then goes to the mosque with the sole intention of perfoming the prayer, and nothing urges him to proceed to the mosque except the prayer, then on every step which he takes towards the mosque, he will be raised one degree or one of his sins will be forgiven. The angels will keep on asking Allah’s forgiveness and blessings for everyone of you so long as he keeps sitting at his praying place. The angels will say, 'O Allah, bless him! O Allah, be merciful to him!’ as long as he does not do a thing which gives trouble to others.” [ Bukhari ] 11) Giving charity The Prophet (saws) said :“The charity erases the bad deed like the water puts out the fire.” [ Tirmidhi ] 12) Asking forgiveness from others on wronging them The Prophet (saws) said :“Whoever has oppressed another persons concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Ressurection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him.” [ Bukhari ] 13) Reciting Salawaat (Blessings) on Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.S The Prophet (saws) said :“He who sends blessings on me once Allah sends blessings on him ten times and removes from him ten times and raises him by ten degrees.” [ al-Nasa'i ] 14) Being kind to animals The Prophet (saws) said :“A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with head-cover she drew out some water for it. So Allah forgave her because of that.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] 15) Praising Allah after Eating Food The Prophet (saws) said :“ He who has taken food and says at the end : Al-hamdu lillahi-lladhi at'amani hadha, wa razaqanihi min ghairi haulin minni wa la quwwatin (All praise is due to Allah Who has given me food to eat and provided it without any endeavor on my part or any power), all his past (minor) sins will be forgiven.” [ At-Tirmidhi ] 16) Removing Obstacles from the Road or Way The Prophet (saws) said :“ While a man was on the way, he found a thorny branch of tree on the way and removed it. Allah thanked him for that deed and forgave him (his sins).” [ Bukhari ] 17) Hide Other’s faults and sins The Prophet (saws) said :“ He who conceals (the faults) of a Muslim, Allah would conceal his faults in the world and in the Hereafter. Allah is at the back of a servant so long as the servant is at the back of his brother.” [ Sahih Muslim ] He (saws) also said :“ The believer will be brought close to his Lord until He conceals him and makes him confess hin sin. Allah will say, 'Do you remember such and such a sin?’ The man will say, 'Yes, I admit it.’ The Lord will say, 'I concealed it for you in the world and I forgave you for it today.” [ Bukhari ] 18) Observing Patience during Hard Times The Prophet (saws) said :“ Whenever a believer is stricken with a calamity (discomfort, illness, anxiety, grief or worry), even the pricking of a thorn, his sins are expiated for him.” [ Bukhari, Muslim ] He (saws) also said :“ When Allah loves someone He tests them, as for whoever is content Allah is pleased with him, and as for whoever is discontented, Allah is displeased with him.” [Tirmidhi, classed as Hasan] 19) Making some dhikr The Prophet (saws) said :“ Whoever says, 'Subhan Allahi wa bihamdihi’, 100 times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea.” [ Sahih Al-Bukhari ] He (saws) said :“ If anyone glorifies Allah after every prayer 33 times (SubhanAllah), and praises Allah 33 times (Alhamdulillah), and declares His Greatness 33 times ( Allah hu Akbar ), ninety-nine times in all, and to complete a hundred says : 'La ilaaha illal-lah wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulk wa lahul-hamd wa huwa 'alaa kulli shai-in qadeer’ his sins will be forgiven even if these are as abundant as the foam of the sea.” [ Sahih Muslim ] He (saws) said :“ If anyone says: Astaghfirullah-alladhi la ilaaha illa Huwal-Haiyyul-Qayyoumu, wa atoubi ilaihi ( I seek forgiveness of Allah besides Whom there is non worthy of worship, the Ever-Living, the Self-Subsisting, and I turn to Him in repentance ), his sins will be forgiven even if he should have run away from the battlefield.” In another narration, these words are to be repeated 3 times.[ Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi and Al-Hakim ] He (saws) said :“ If anyone sits in an assembly where there is clamor and says before getting up to leave 'Subhanaka Allahumma wa bihamdika, ash-hadu Allah ilaaha illa-anta, astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayka’ (Glory to be to You, O Allah, I begin with declaring all praise is to You, I testify there is no god but You; I ask Your pardon & turn to You in repentance), he will be forgiven any sin (of the tongue) he might have committed in that assembly.” [ Tirmidhi] 20) Saying 'Subhan-Allah’ 100 times Sa’d bin Abu Waqqas ( May Allah be pleased with him ) reported : We were with the Messenger of Allah (SAWS) when he asked :“Is anyone of you unable to earn a thousand good deeds?” One of those present asked: “How can one earn thousand good deeds in a day?” He (SAWS) replied :“By saying :'SubhanAllah 100 times, then 1000 good deeds will be recorded for him or 1000 sins will be blotted out from his record.” [ Muslim ] 21) The best duaa for seeking forgiveness is to say : “Allahuma Anta Rabbi, la ilaha illa Anta, khalaqtani wa ana 'abduka, wa ana 'ala 'ahdika wa wa'dika mastata'tu, a'udhu bika min sharri ma sana'tu, abu'u laka bini'matika 'alayya, wa abu'u laka bidhanbi faghfir li, fa innahu la yaghfirudh-dhunuba illa Anta.” (O Allah! You are my Lord. There is no god except You. You have created, I am Your slave, I hold to Your Covenant as far as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done. I acknowledge the favours that You have bestowed upon me and I confess my sins. Pardon me, for none but You has the power to pardon). He who supplicates in these terms during the day with firm belief in it and dies on the same day (before the evening), he will be one of the dwellers of Jannah; anf if anyone supplicates in these terms during the night with firm belief in it and dies before the morning, he will be one of the dwellers of Jannah.“ [ Al-Bukhari ] May Allah erase our sins and save us from the torment of Hell. Ameen

may the most merciful, ease our pain and suffering, grant us jannatul firdaus, bring us closer to him, place us amongs those who are patient, kind, forgiving, compassionate, loving, honest, warm, humble gentle and pious. allahumma ameen.