Moo

Yesterday, I was at dinner with some friends and briefly forgot Harrison Ford’s name, but I was like, “His name is a president and a car,” which is how we got such acceptable alternatives as McKinley Camry, Van Buren Gremlin, Clinton Infinity, and Range Rover Cleveland.

Lincoln Lincoln

You've been able to understand animals your whole life. Though, to be fair, it's not as interesting as it sounds - it's mostly demands of sex, cries for help, or stuff concerning food. And so it was until yesterday when you overheard two frogs discussing the finer points of quantum physics.

Someone will say "as a queer person in the heart of empire, my life is in danger every day" and you'll find out they're a developer for Amazon and live in San Francisco or Seattle or some shit, and then you'll meet a trans girl from Alva, OK who's like "Yeah, things are pretty good. AutoZone moved me to full-time."

Someone in a queer group in my current blue city said that they didn't like expressions of solidarity because it "diluted their oppression".

Several "silent protagonist" type adventurers are getting on the guilds nerves with their refusal to speak, so in an attempt to teach them a lesson the guild leadership forces them to team up. Much to the guilds annoyance they all manage to work together flawlessly in spite of never speaking.

I get anxious at nothin. if I don't have anything to be anxious about I get creative

Nothing on earth could have prepared me for the fucking face of Dozy

you are my friend and to some extent the altar upon which i mount my guilt

you are my friend and to an increasing extent the saviour i worship

you are my friend and i hope something ruins you before i do

probably speaks to something unwell in the collective tumblr psyche that those absurdly bleak bad luck brian memes are the only survivors of, like, an entire genre of different advice animal image macros.

The queen is 6 years old. The plan was to, like, have a regent or something, but she’s doing such a good job that no one can be bothered.

recurring dead wife flashback where it becomes increasingly apparent that the person remembering her has dishonestly claimed a romantic dynamic to their relationship that never actually existed and erased any conflict that ever existed between them now that she's no longer able to say no to them

dead wife flashback where each time we see her she looks more confused and upset by how she's remembered, then desperate and furious, until she's hammering on the glass screaming to be let out

this isn't how it happened. you know this isn't how it happened. but you still keep coming back, keep disturbing my grave so you can play out your fantasies. voyeurs crowding around my autopsy, straining for the best view; pawing through my entrails like grubby butchers trying to find some golden meaning in blood and shit because you can't bear to face the cold light of truth. you just can't bear the thought of never having really known me at all.

"So if you win the duel, you get to take her on a date." They both nodded. "And if she wins the duel, she gets to take you on a date." They both nodded. "So why don't you both just... Skip that and go on a date?" They both glared.

WRONG FUCKING IMAGE

HAPPY MAMA MIA ITS-A WEDNESDAY WRONG FUCKING IMAGE WEDNESDAY

i just checked my status effects for the first time in a while how long have i been Doomed for