he/it/(they). physically disabled. genderqueer lesbian. french classics student. ao3.
poetry sideblog: @autometaphorical. spn sideblog: @dean-interrupted. mutuals only sideblog: @elektrainterrupted.
i talk a lot about greek myths, greek girls, sexuality & violence & gender in greco-roman literature. i write short stories and poems about that too. i probably think too much about kallisto, antigone, kassandra, iphigeneia, philomela and elektra.
writing, trauma, rape & incest, sex & violence, queer things & theory, lesbianism, art, literary fiction, tolkien, poetry, horror, familial horror, disabilities/disorders. and my daily woes and whines
i frequently reblog and post things about incest, sexual violence, trauma, sex, kinks, and similar topics. you can ask me to tag something if you want to avoid some topics, i don’t usually use warnings otherwise. i’m chronically online and i can be awkward or lack the energy to socialize sometimes but i’m more than ok with comments/messages/interactions and getting to know people if you want to talk about writing or about shared interests
no "dni" but i block for transmisogyny, transphobia, racism, antisemitism, islamophobia, ableism, etc. and for terrible takes on abuse or just things that upset me
mutuals can follow my personal sideblog, ask for my instagram, and add me on discord (transbutchblues)
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appointment with the psychiatrist working at the pain management center—maybe the last appointment since i move to another city in a month. i hope i’ll manage to convince him to stop prescribing me venlafaxine and to change plans because he keeps upping my meds hoping that a higher dosage or new med interactions will help but in two years nothing he has tried has helped for either chronic pain or depression & anxiety. and i’m so tired of waking up soaked in sweat in a humid bed way too often. it’s also making me sweat a lot more during the day right now, and no matter how much water i drink i’m still dehydrated. he needs to refer me to someone else too but appointments with him go so fast i don’t know if he’ll actually listen to what i say.
point and laugh. he prescribed me MORE venlafaxine. but this time he also gave me meds that will apparently help with the sweating. where were they back in november when i first told him how awful it was to wake up 3x a night soaked in sweat and to have to go back to a soaked bed too because i can’t change my sheets multiple times a day? whatever. i’m annoyed. if all those meds don’t start finally helping my chronic pain in the next month i’ll just go to my GP and ask him to prescribe me lower doses to start going off them.
appointment with the psychiatrist working at the pain management center—maybe the last appointment since i move to another city in a month. i hope i’ll manage to convince him to stop prescribing me venlafaxine and to change plans because he keeps upping my meds hoping that a higher dosage or new med interactions will help but in two years nothing he has tried has helped for either chronic pain or depression & anxiety. and i’m so tired of waking up soaked in sweat in a humid bed way too often. it’s also making me sweat a lot more during the day right now, and no matter how much water i drink i’m still dehydrated. he needs to refer me to someone else too but appointments with him go so fast i don’t know if he’ll actually listen to what i say.
i keep not being able to sleep, aside from the usual issues my arm hurts & i am not alone in my room, so it’s worse. and i can’t sleep during the day since i have a guest. i am very tired, i don’t want to go outside for my appointment and i don’t want to go to the beach later today either. i want to sleep then read, maybe force myself to write something. i love my friend, really, but it’s so hard to be a person right now.
(1) "Message from the First Dog in Space Received 45 Years Too Late", Dogs in the News, 3 November 2002 / (2) Laika, Wil Wagner / (3) Zak, Anatoly, "Sputnik-2", Russianspaceweb.com / (4) "SOVIET FIRES NEW SATELLITE, CARRYING DOG; HALF-TON SPHERE IS REPORTED 900 MILES UP", NY Times, 3 November 1957 / (5) The Dog/The Body, Sleater-Kinney / (6) Oleg Gazenko, speaking at a Moscow news conference in 1998 / (7) "Message from the First Dog in Space Received 45 Years Too Late", Dogs in the News, 3 November 2002 / (8) Last Words of a Shooting Star, Mitski / (9) "Laika” by Sarah Doyle / (10) "Laika” by Sarah Doyle / (11) "Laika” by Sarah Doyle
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stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation with the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.
i am quite depressed & frankly not up to being with two people (my mother and a friend) for multiple days and to go outside every day. but i don’t have a choice
— short list of french books i really need to read
(because i’m french but i’ve been almost exclusively reading in english for the past few years. i’m listing the ones i’m thinking of right now — i will edit this post because there are so many others. i really welcome any suggestion of books that you actually enjoyed)
scholarship
le berceau des dominations : anthropologie de l’inceste, dorothée dussy
le degré zéro de l’écriture, barthes
le plaisir du texte, barthes
pouvoirs de l’horreur : essai sur l’abjection, julia kristeva
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Now I hear crash and rending of boughs and the crack of antlers as if the beasts of the forest were all hunting, all rearing high and plunging down among the thorns. One has pierced me. One is driven deep within me.
i should make a list of all the french books (mostly but not exclusively classics) i really want to read, because it’s embarrassing how little i read in french despite it being my first language. and i haven’t read most french classics, which isn’t necessarily a problem because there are some i am simply not that interested in, but there are others i really should read
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