On That Polytrix Brainrot

#noncon #landlord nsft #breaking and entering fantasy #asking for it

just so you know

Zoey gets telepathy —> potential to go interestingly based on her refusal to Just Say Things

Like, ok, let's say Mira gets telepathy shortly before the movie, and Zoey is the first to learn about it. And Zoey is like "this is Peak Shenanigans time, obviously we gotta use this."

"Uh, Zoey, that would be a huge invasion of people's privacy. I gotta at least tell Rumi, I can't just be reading her mind without permission."

"Oh, ok, so I guess you don't want to know why she's so weird about the bath house?"

"...I guess we don't have to explain right away..."

So they bring up the bath house the next time they're with Rumi, and Mira listens to her surface thoughts to find out just why she's so damn modest, because honestly wtf? Is it really just modesty? Is it body image issues? Is it some weird rule from Celine? Does she have secret tattoos?

But the conversation is like:

Mira: Hey we've been working hard, we should take a spa day tomorrow. Rumi: Oh that's a great idea! ...Aw, drat, tomorrow though? Shoot I promised Celine I'd do that thing. You know, the thing? I definitely can't miss it. Next time for sure though!

Rumi's thoughts: I really do need more time to review the itinerary for the next leg of the world tour and go over the planned release schedule for our next album and maybe look over some of those marketing materials Celine mentioned and

See, though, this just means that Mira gets focused on Zoey’s inside thoughts, because Zoey is like “i dunno if they’ll be that interesting but you can read my mind all you want”

Completely forgetting all the time she spends telling herself that she’s dumb or being filled with unexpressed frustration at other people’s actions or just wanting things she doesn’t let herself have because other people matter more

And so Mira and Zoey are playing a cat and mouse game of all Zoey’s Tendencies TM suddenly being perceived and Mira just being like “hm no we’re not doing this”

Rumi: huh?

Zoey: what?

Mira: it was making Zoey angry

Zoey: whaaaaaaat no no no I’m all—

Mira: yeah it was. She thinks the rhythm doesn’t meld properly and honestly she’s kinda right

Rumi: oh okay yeah let’s try it again

But the second Rumi actually realizes that Mira can hear thoughts? Like for real for real? Like including Rumi's?

Then she panics and all her thoughts become like "I AM A REGULAR GIRL I AM BEING NORMAL I AM A REGULAR GIRL I AM REACTING APPROPRIATELY I AM A REGULAR GIRL I AM NOT PANICKING ABOUT ANYTHING I AM A REGULAR GIRL I HAVE NOTHING WEIRD GOING ON

And Mira still can't tell if something's actually up or if Rumi is just freaked out about the whole invasion-of-privacy thing (which, fair).

Rumi mentally screeching at full volume “EVERYTHING IS FINE I AM A REGULAR GIRL” and smiling her awful smile and going “ohhhh… like. All the time?”

“Uh-huh,” Mira says

“Oh!” Rumi says. “That’s… fine.”

“I AM GOING TO DIE,” Rumi’s thoughts yell

“You’re not going to die,” Mira says, because at this point she’s really used to just calling out Zoey’s thought spirals and breaking her from them

Rumi then proceeds to completely blue screen. Like, literal static from the brain

From that point on Rumi has to so aggressively Not Think About Patterns that it probably becomes noticeably weird the next time they're fighting demons. Because they're looking for demons who have disguised themselves, and they spot patterns peeking out from the edges of clothes or whatever, but Rumi's thoughts are like "ok that guy clearly has DON'T THINK ABOUT IT DON'T THINK ABOUT IT ok sword time what song should we sing?"

And like. The fuck?

Especially if this still going on when the movie happens. Mira says her "you've got the patterns, now you gotta die" line on the plane and there's a split second where Rumi is just repeating "i am a hunter i am a hunter I AM A HUNTER" which is fuckin weird? But maybe she just needed to psych herself up for this one? Get the energy going before they drop onto the stage?

And Mira just turns around and grabs her by the shoulders and goes “Rumi what in the actual fuck Do Not Do That”

And Rumi’s brain starts running a mile a minute in I need to I have to I CAN’T THINK ABOUT THAT. Mira’s staring at her. Zoey is also trapped in this elevator with them

Mira takes a step back and very intentionally tries to deescalate and Rumi is now just screaming and yelling at herself to shut up because Mira has to listen to this inside her own head. She looks mildly awkward on the outside.

“We are going to teach you to relax,” Mira says grumpily. “You are not dropping ‘Golden’ tonight.”

(Zoey squeaks)

“I… will give you my phone if it helps you trust me?” Rumi says. PLEASE DONT ASK PLEASE DONT ASK DONT MAKE ME THINK ABOUT IT

Even with Mira being like "yeah, no, we're dealing with this" I still think its gonna be a while before they get to the whole patterns thing, though.

So Mira's trying to be supportive and to find out what's happening in a way that doesn't freak Rumi out even more, right? So she's like, "look, I don't know what's gotten into you but whatever it is cannot be worth this much stress, and you definitely don't need to deal with it alone. We've got your back."

Which is not actually pushing for more information! She's giving Rumi space to decide to open up! She's being so patient despite having to hear everyone's thoughts all the time and really she should be allowed to just lose her shit, but instead she is being so calm and supportive and she deserves a goddam medal for this.

(Zoey is doing her best to send out good vibes to Rumi. Mira knows this, because Zoey is singing her "Good Vibes For Rumi" song in her head, which she may or may not be composing on the spot.)

(It has no right to be this catchy.)

Outwardly Rumi is like "I'm just excited! We're so close to the Golden Honmoon, you know?" and her thoughts are...kind of saying the same thing? The phrase "Golden Honmoon" does get repeated a lot, but like. Fast. And loud. And desperate.

(It's ok, Rumi figures, to think about wanting to turn the Honmoon gold. That's something they all want. That's normal for her to want. She can be fixated on that without it, like, meaning anything. Mira might think she's weirdly focused but Mira also expects that from Rumi anyway so it's not weird it's not a tell this is normal she's normal and oh thank fuck the elevator is opening)

There's a Rumi-shaped cloud of dust left behind as she zips out of the elevator and away to her room, leaving Mira and Zoey standing there in confusion.

"Soooo...?" Zoey prompts.

"I think," Mira says slowly, "that Celine has maybe put even more pressure on Rumi than we realized."

"...Yeah that tracks. So convincing Rumi to actually relax for a month?"

"Is now our top priority, yes."

"And the fact that she never actually handed you her phone...?"

And Rumi is sitting here keyed up as all get out and her thoughts just start. Sliding

To how much she wants to be able to enjoy this—not until the Golden Honmoon. To how much she has wanted to, to how much she knows Mira and Zoey value this but they’re just so close—DON’T THINK ABOUT IT THINK ABOUT THE GOLDEN HONMOON

“Turtles,” Mira says.

It is at this point that Rumi just starts crying because why the heck are they so nice to her she doesn’t deserve them and pinning her down starts becoming more about hugging her

“We’re here for you,” Zoey promises, soft and earnest

So I think when this happens, the immediate conclusion Mira and Zoey draw is that Rumi is scared of dying young like her mom. And obviously that's not correct, but questions like "is it because of your mom?" can honestly be answered "yes" so that plus Rumi's steadfast refusal to think about specifics lets them conclude that she's terrified of dying to whatever killed Miyeong/doesn't think she'll get to be older than Miyeong did, and also trying hard to deny that she's afraid.

And its all very reasonable and makes a lot of sense. Rumi spent her whole life seeing what losing Miyeong and Third did to Celine. She knows how much harder Celine had to work to take care of the Honmoon alone. She doesn't want that for Mira and Zoey. She doesn't want them to have to worry about anything after she's gone.

Mira and Zoey both tell her how much they love her, and that just because her mom died tragically young doesn't mean she will, and if god forbid she does then they'd rather she be happy now instead of making herself miserable trying to protect them in a future that will hopefully never even happen. And there's hugging and a good cry and Rumi tells them she loves them too (and Mira can feel how true it is) and they eventually all settle back in for turtle videos.

That night Rumi struggles to fall asleep, because her thoughts are stuck on how she's lying to them, she's letting them think this is about protecting them when its about protecting herself, about fixing Miyeong's mistake. And now not only does she have to lie with her words, she has to think in lies, and she hates it and she hates what she is and she hates Miyeong and she hates how much the patterns hurt in moments like this.

Rumi’s in her bathroom panicking her entire mind out and she just can’t not think about how much it hurts and how she was so close and she’s disgusting and they just won’t stop

Mira ends up breaking the door down on her panic attack because none of those thoughts make sense as a whole but all of them are terrifying to have screamed at her first thing in the morning

She doesn’t actually see, at first. Goes straight for the towel hanging on the back of the door, has her eyes closed as she wraps it over Rumi’s shoulders because all their shared loop of panic is giving her is turning into she’ll see me no no no no and. She thinks she’s got it

And when she opens her eyes, she’s looking right at Rumi. Holding the towel closed, keeping her gaze fixed above the neck

The turn into despair comes before Mira gets a single word out

She can’t stop herself from looking down

That can't be right. Her glasses are…broken, somehow. They must be, because Rumi has patterns.

And it is Rumi, not a demon wearing Rumi's face. They've fought enough demons since this whole mindreading bullshit started that Mira can tell the difference. She knows what demon thoughts sound like; they're full of nothing but hunger and malice and utter contempt for the world.

The thoughts coming off of Rumi include something that might be hatred, but its buried under so much fear and shame that it's hard to tell. The panic is coming from her in waves, and Mira realizes with a twist in her stomach that the purple lines peeking out from the towel are pulsing in unison.

Neither of them have said anything. Neither of them have moved. Rumi is staring at her with wide eyes, and Mira is sure her expression must be the same. She needs to do…something. Say something. Say anything, because every second they continue like this the screaming in Rumi's head gets louder, and soon Mira won't be able to hear her own thoughts.

"Do you want coffee?" is what comes out, and if nothing else it confuses Rumi enough to put a pause on the anxiety sirens.

"…What?"

"I'm not awake enough to talk about…this…yet, so I need coffee. Do you want some, too?"

Rumi manages to look even more confused. Her mouth says "Oh, um, I guess?" but not before Mira hears what she almost asks, about Mira and her gok-do and why she hasn't summoned it yet and Mira's heart breaks.

"I would never do that to you," she says.

It’s just the right thing to do

So they go and Rumi stews and Mira makes coffee and Rumi thinks about Zoey and Mira still waits for her to say it because it’s the only way she can remain sane in this whole mess

“Should I get…” or is that a threat? she asks herself. I don’t mean it to be; what’s the less dangerous thing to do?

“Shut up,” Mira grumbles. “I don’t think I have to go wake Zoey up to keep you from attacking her, Jesus.”

Rumi nods jerkily, her thoughts circle as she gets up to go wake Zoey up. Mira gets a little quiet while she’s gone. Tries not to worry about them. Puts way too much sugar into Rumi’s mug and pours a little chocolate syrup in Zoey’s before the actual coffee

(Patterns Rumi has patterns her Rumi has been scared of Mira finding out about her patterns)

Rumi hasn’t told Zoey by the time they return, though Zoey knows there is something to tell. They sit. They drink.

“Zoey, you wouldn’t hurt Rumi, right?” Mira says.

Rumi cringes. Straight into it, I guess

“No!” Zoey says. Then she considers a little. “Well, like, not on purpose. I know I do it sometimes because I can get—“

“What if I were bad?” Rumi asks, cutting her off.

Zoey has the response Mira wishes she could. She literally can’t grasp the idea. Just frozen.

“What if I were an evil, soul-sucking demon?” We almost thought I would be when they reached my heart. I don’t know where the line actually is but I know I’ve been lying to you for so long that that feels worse than these ever have

“Then you wouldn’t be Rumi,” Zoey points out, but she’s ready to play along

Mira makes the executive decision that that should remain an inside thought. “She’s right.”

Her own voice echoes back at her: Aw, you’ve got the patterns, now you’ve gotta die

The statute of limitations on arson is 6 years.

So whenever I remember an embarrassing or shameful thing I’ve done, I ask myself if it was worse than arson. If it wasn’t, and it was 6 or more years ago, I forgive myself.