I myself am very irritated by my posts whining about my headaches and other worries, but, honestly, I can’t stop
I'm not posting anything right now because I'm closing off my college debt. And although I can now calm down a little, since I have either closed most of my debts or will close them off soon, I cannot post anything or return to communicating with those I have met
As for social media, I'll say one thing: I'll probably start a new Tumblr account. I have a new TikTok account, and there I plan to make animations or talk about things that interest me or that bother me. For me, this TikTok account will be an opportunity to start over. It would be strange if I didn't do the same with my Tumblr account. I'm annoyed by the amount of shit posts I have there. It will be hard to find anything worth paying attention to through this wall of reposts and shitposts. So when my holidays start, I will create another account. I won't delete this one, because I have a lot of memories associated with it, and I personally enjoy rereading these shitposts, but I understand that no one needs this except me
I also have a lot of insecurities about my drawings. I don't feel like I'm an artist, I don't feel like anyone would find my art interesting. I'm glad that it might appeal to a very small circle of guys, but I feel like I've become a shadow of someone who people are more interested in watching. This makes me sad, but no one but me can change this, so I will try harder. I feel like I have the skills to engage people, but I don't use them. I have a ton of ideas, and instead of implementing them, I share these ideas with shining eyes and am left with nothing but the missed potential to implement something interesting. I can still complain a lot about what upsets me and makes me doubt my creativity, but I will have to decide this in private. I don't know when I'll decide to do this because I'm afraid of starting a conflict with someone, but I probably should do it, I guess
The last thing that bothers me is that I can't be close to anyone again. When I am alone, alone with my thoughts, I realize that I really don’t want to communicate with anyone anymore. I stopped communicating with my best friend in real life six months ago, and at that moment I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief, even though it felt weird at first. I'm afraid this is happening again, and this thought really scares me. This situation is made worse by the fact that there is a language barrier, which prevents me from saying everything that is on my mind, especially in voice chat. I really want to support the topic, but I can only say something like "cool!". It's important to clarify that I don't want to stop communicating with everyone because they're bad guys, it's just an obsession that's been bothering me for days, if not the whole week. I hope that the thoughts about cutting off communication with everyone come to me only because I am under terrible stress right now, but I will definitely understand this when the holidays begin
If you've read this far, I'm shocked. I'm truly grateful you took the time to read this. As you can imagine, things aren't going so well for me right now. But don't worry, I'll get through this. The text I am writing now is one of the ways to relax. I really don't know what's happening to me, but in any case, I'm comforted by the thought that this nightmare will soon end
Most likely, this is the penultimate post on this account (the last one will be the announcement of my new tumblr account), although I won't promise anything, because everything can change
