Jin wrapped his hand around the mug that was handed to him, and took a careful sip of the drink. He kept his eyes on the mug as he carefully set it back on the table before answering Kaito. “I do some gigs, yeah,” he nodded, brushing his hand through his hair. “I mainly DJ at the brewery a few times a week, but I did a few extra sets for Pride month and all.” He added with a small smile towards the other. He hated how awkward he felt updating Kaito on what he was doing now. They knew each other's schedules completely before he left, and just like that he, Jin, had ruined all of it.

The mention of Kaito taking a hiatus from music after he left still lingered on his mind, and he definitely felt guilty about it. All those years he’d told himself that leaving had been the right choice, and that Kaito would move on to find someone better, building the life he deserved. But the more he knew about the aftermath of his leaving, the guilt grew heavier. “I’m sorry,” he said, without really specifying what he was sorry for. Everything, really. “I’m glad you found your way back to sound, though, you’ve got a good ear.” He offered with a genuine, yet small smile. 

He leaned back in his seat, his hands tugging the sleeves of his sweater over his hands. “I haven’t been to a peach festival before,” he said, shaking his head, and looking up at Kaito. He was grateful for the lighter topic. “But I was asked to DJ a couple of times, so I will be on after the bands and stuff on Thursday and Saturday, I think it was.” He looked down at his hands. “Are you going to the festival? Or are you performing or anything?”

He reached for his mug again and took another sip. The warm tea was strangely calming as he drank it. “So tell me about your sugar glider.” He said, hoping to stick to the lighter topics, even though deep down he knew there was a lot they needed to unpack and talk about still. “They’re cute! But I hear they require a lot of commitment.” He smiled some. “It’s cool that you have one, though.” 

“Stop apologizing,” he says, voice stern but gentle, “I wasn’t telling you that because I wanted to hear you apologize again. I was just being honest, Jin. If we are going to push forward then we have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable right now. You apologized once, you let me dish it out to you the way I needed to, you listened, and now you’re sitting here having tea with me. You fucked up, it sucked, it had consequences, and now we move on. You don’t have to crucify yourself with apologies, and…feelings will happen. It’s fine.” It was far from fine, but what could they do besides attempt to move on? Kai thought about Spencer right now, man he missed the warmth he brought him. If anyone could make it right in his world right now it was him, it was always him.

“So, you do some gigs, hm? That’s pretty neat, Jin. I am glad that even in this small town you were able to keep your connection to music alive. I’ll have to come by to check you out. You know, I’m in this band that is also playing at the festival. We should hang out or something after our sets. And you should come check us out. We are called The Agenda.” His face brightened as he spoke about the band, about music, also happy for a lighter topic. “Corey, the main of the band, they are amazing and pretty much a genius. And then we’ve got Key, who feels like my other half.” He softly chucked, easily slipping into a comfortable spot when it came to music. “Some people call Key and myself, KitKat. Because Kai and Key? But if you want to name the trio, I would say key lime pie. I’m the lime part of shit, cause well, this might come as a surprise to you, but I am bitter.” He paused and then another chuckle leaves his lips. “And key is the key part and Corey? They are the pie part, because everyone wants Corey. I need to get some of their game and try to shoot my shot too, except I hermit too much.”

He reached out to take his mug again, taking another sip of tea. “Well, Stanley is his name. He is definitely a lot of commitment, but I’d like to think I am good with commitment.” That wasn’t a jab; it was just Kaito yapping away. “And he’s a feisty little guy, but he loves new people. He will warm to you instantly, Jin. You’re very likeable. Me? He is always ready to throw hands. I don’t know why.” He takes another sip of tea, setting the mug back down. “Sometimes I feel like most of my friends just enjoy coming over to see him more than me. Or the garden.” He looked to Jin, “You’ve already seen the garden, let’s go introduce you to Stanley.”

He gets up to lead them down the hall, where you could still hear the chitter from Stanley. Opening the door to the last room exploded a giant space with some fake tree branches and real branches decorated, woven into an intricate canopy that stretched across the ceiling. The room was a miniature jungle, with lush green vines draped artfully around, and a soft glow from a skylight bathed the space in warm, natural light. The air carried a faint sweetness, like fruit and fresh wood, hinting at Stanley’s presence.

Stanley clung to a high branch, his delicate membrane wings tucked neatly against his body. A faint stripe ran down his back, and his bushy tail twitched as he surveyed the them. He let out a sharp, excited chirp, as if greeting them. The moment he spotted Jin, his ears perked up, and he tilted his head, as if deciding whether to make a grand entrance. “See what I mean?” Kaito said with a grin, leaning against the doorframe. “He’s already planning his big move. Probably deciding if you’re getting the full glide-by greeting or just a curious sniff.”

He stepped into the room, reaching into a small pouch on a nearby table to pull out a tiny piece of mango. “C’mere, Stan, show Jin what you’re all about.” Without much warning, Stanley spreads his wings and glides over to Kaito’s hand to retrieve the fruit. He turned to Jin, nodding for him to come closer, “Come pet him. I promise he won’t bite.”

There was something to be said for Kaito as a person, because Mickey almost never stayed friends with guys she hooked up with. They'd met out dancing one night back when she first got to town, and after all was said and done, they'd mutually agreed that they actually could make a decent pair of friends. When she came across a guy who wasn't instantly trying to change her mind about one night stands becoming something longer-term, Mickey was shocked. When those guys were as cool to hang out with as Kai, she kept them. Seeing as he was the only one she'd stayed friends with in well over a decade, Mickey had a feeling he was a rarity.

He walked along side her, keeping in step with her movement, glancing around vendor to vendor. Kai glanced at the stress-ball, “I don’t want to sm-…” He sniffed the ball because he had no other option, despite his small protest. “Now I just imagine that the men in this town have peach scented dicks.” He glanced to the side where a random man walked by, giving them both a polite nod. “Yep. All I can see is peach dick now.”

The mention of a DJ friend piqued his curiosity, his mind instantly went to Jin, but he told himself that there many DJs out there and he had to give the universe a chance. There is no way it was the same DJ, no way the universe would be that cruel. “Sounds good to me. If you want me to be nice…I’m going to need more liquor in me. Maybe a shot or two over at The Whiskey Barrel before we make our way to your mysterious DJ friend?” He paused, “Are they cute and single?”

Elio didn't want to get on the ferris wheel alone. It was lame. He usually wasn't lacking for company, but the friend he'd been hanging around with had seen a girl he liked, and had quietly excused himself to try and get some flirting in while they were both giddy from the festivities and peach schnappes. Good for them. Hopefully, they had a good time. But it still left Elio there, standing in a line that was rapidly moving, alone. As another couple were seated by the carnival worker, Elio reached out a hand, waving it to grab the attention of the closest person, someone who seemed to be alone too, or perhaps waiting for someone. "Hi! Hello! So sorry to bother you. Don't suppose you wanna get on the ferris wheel with me? My friend just ditched me, and riding alone is big loser energy."

He knew the moments of blissfully ignoring the elephant in the room would come to an end, though. He knew that when he came over to Kaito’s house, and he knew that the whole time they walked around the garden. He definitely stalled by asking more questions about the plants than he really had. As they came back inside, he was grateful for being out of the direct sunset. 

The further into the house they got, the more fidgety Jin was starting to get, and he shoved his hands into his pockets to keep it to himself. The last thing he needed was for Kaito to know how nervous being in his house made him. It made no sense to him that he was this nervous. After all, this was the man he had been in love with six years ago. The nerves he’d had around him back then had been entirely different. “Tea is fine.” He said with a nod and small polite smile towards the other. “I’ll have what you’re having.” 

Jin settled onto the edge of the couch, his hands moving to his lap, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt as Kaito’s question hung in the air for a moment. He considered if he should give one of his usual deflective answers, something about work or rent prices, but the idea of lying after everything didn’t sit right with him. And something about sitting in Kaito’s comfortable and lived in-space made the well-practiced responses feel hollow. “Uh, well, you know I came to the US to work for Universal Music.” He said gently, not looking at Kaito. He brought a hand up to rub his neck as he tried to find his next words. 

“I left after a few years, it… was mostly egos and, well, you know how it is.” He waved his hand dismissively. The thought of having left something great for an opportunity that wasn’t any good in the end made his chest tighten. “I drifted for a while, doing odd jobs, and now I needed quiet, and a place where I could have a home studio.” He explained. “And, I thought some random town in Texas was the way to go, because there was no way anyone would know me here, anyway. But… I keep running into old familiar faces.” He said with a small humourless chuckle. It wasn’t bitter, really, more in disbelief. “It was meant to be temporary, though, so who knows, really.” He added, half-regretting it moments later. 

Finally, he moved his gaze back to Kaito. “What about you? You still work with sound right? You’ve… you’ve been here a while, when did you get here?” 

“Blackstone’s got a way of pulling people in, doesn’t it?” Kaito said, his voice soft but steady, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I mean, random town in Texas, and you still run into familiar faces. Figures.” He let out a quiet laugh, trying to keep things light, though his gaze dropped to look at his hands. The mention of this being temporary stung, and he chewed the inside of his cheek, silently pushing that feeling down. Jin had every right to leave whenever he wanted, he had gotten his closure, but he hated how deep it cut to hear the other admit it. Fuck. He could feel his eyes try to glaze over but the question being returned to him, thankfully, distracted him from letting it build up.

He shifted slightly, glancing toward the kitchen as the hum of the kettle got louder, then back to Jin. "Yeah, I do. I got back into it when I moved here, actually." He softly cleared his throat, forcing himself to push past the lump in his throat. "After you left for your job opportunity, I took a bit of a hiatus from the music world. Needed a breather, y'know? The city, the scene—it was too much for a while." His voice dipped, quieter now, as he traced the edge of a memory he hadn't touched in years. "I was kinda lost for a bit. Bounced around, did some odd jobs—bartending, random handyman stuff, honestly nothing felt right." He chuckled, the sound light but tinged with something raw. "Anyway, thanks to a penpal I made, I landed here four years ago. Found this place, started the garden to keep my mind busy, and found inspiration for music again. I work on small projects here and there. Little by little."

The weight of their history hung in the air for a moment. Never had Kaito been more thankful for the sound of a tea kettle going off, which he was more than happy to tend to. "I'm going with lavender tea. Then we can check out Stanley. He's probably glidin' around his cafe like a maniac by now, upset I haven't brought you to him yet." As he grabbed the mugs, the familiar ritual gave him a moment to steady himself. He called over his shoulder, not wanting to leave the moment heavy for too long, "So, do you do gigs around Blackstone?"

Kaito returned with two steaming mugs of lavender tea, the soft purple hue catching the light as he set one in front of Jin before settling back down on the couch. "Okay, Stanley can wait until we finish our tea. You should probably not have something hot in your hand while handling a sugar glider. Oh, by the way, you're handling a sugar glider this evening. I hope that's cool with you. He's a cuddly little guy, but he does enjoy climbing to the top of one's head. So fair warning." He took a careful sip of the lavender tea, instantly feeling a bit more relaxed. "You know, call me crazy but, I hope you find a reason to stay." His lips part to say something else but instead he huffed out a soft laugh, flashing a small smile, taking another sip of tea. "It's really not such a bad place to, uh, stick around. They do shit here like peach festivals. Have you ever been to one? We've got one coming up, if you haven't."

Throwing on a yellow tank top and grey sweats, Spence drove to Kai's place, nervous energy clawing at him. He'd have to drive to Lakeside, where Tae also lived, but all his worries seemed to disappear once he had parked and was approaching Kai's front door. He was carrying a tupperware of sliced apples and sweet potatoes as treats for Stanley--he loved the little guy, so obviously he wasn't going to show up empty-handed.

He'd known Kaito for the better part of the last year, the two of them bonding over losing their first loves. They supported each other during anniversaries and holidays. Spence had definitely cried on his shoulder an embarrassing amount of times, but Kai was just a good friend like that.

Once said friend swung open the door, Spencer smiled warmly at him. "Oh! Hi, you," he greeted, immediately returning the hug, his face nuzzling into the crook between Kai's neck and shoulder. He breathed in deeply, feeling lighter already. When the other had suddenly pulled away, he was already pouting his lips, mourning the loss of that warmth. "Fine, I guess I can do that," he teased, doing as he was told and locked the door behind him before meeting Kai in the kitchen.

He had to stop himself from scoffing at the question. How could he even begin answering that? "I'm...okay," he said, which was the simplest answer. "Yeah, it's been a hot minute, hasn't it?" He set the tupperware on the counter. "I got something for Stanley," he said with a small smile, watching his friend for a moment. "How about you, Kai? I thought we had movie night later this week. Not that I'm complaining, of course. I'm actually happy that you wanted to do this."

Kaito turned the heat to low again, wiping his hands on the dish towel before grabbing a couple of glasses from the cabinet, his fingers lingering on the stem of one for a moment. “Yeah, I did kind of move it up last minute,” he admitted, pouring some wine and sliding a glass toward Spencer with a small smile. "I'm happy that you're happy with me moving up movie night. Honestly, it's been a week," he said, his tone careful but open, reaching over to turn off the heat. “But let’s not dive into that yet—let’s eat first, yeah? Stir-fry’s ready if you’re hungry.” He flashed a small smile, gesturing towards the plates.

He takes a moment before reaching for the food to enjoy a bit more wine, and also to glance over in Spencer’s direction when he thought the other man wasn’t looking. The sight of Spencer in his home always warmed Kaito, probably more than it should. But he knew it didn’t matter. Spencer was still going through what he needed to go through involving his ex, Kaito was still healing from his six years ago, and no matter how many times he had tried to flirt with Spencer, everything always kind of went over the other man’s head. Kai had accepted this as Spencer was just not interested in him like that, so why even press? He enjoyed their friendship. It was genuine and raw in ways he hadn’t most others, is at all anyone else, in since Jin.

“Just okay?” He pressed a little on that, noting that Spencer didn’t sound like his usual self. After another sip of his wine, he places the glass down momentarily, Kai moves to grab one of the plates. Little did he know that both of their exes were living in Kai’s same neighborhood. “The okay seems to be carrying more weight than a normal okay. What’s up?” He asked in between scooping noodles onto his plate and moving to shift over to the living room area. He always felt weird eating at the dining room table, felt more for a family than a single person.

As they walked, he found himself cataloguing the small details that made Kaito seem so settled, and his life so… normal. Part of him had pictured Kaito frozen in time, the same person he had walked away from six years ago, but something about this house screamed that he had in fact been able to move on without him. He didn’t know what to make of it. It hurt a little, but he was also relieved to see it. Jin did realise how stupid it was to expect him to have stayed the exact same. These changed did nothing for the way his old feelings for Kai still seemed to linger, either.

When they stepped outside, Jin blinked in the bright sunlight, taking in the explosion of colour that greeted them. He wasn’t entirely sure what he’d expected when Kaito mentioned a garden in their texts, but he hadn’t expected this. This seemed more like a carefully tended paradise of vegetables and flowers that looked like something out of a magazine, not something you did as a hobby. 

Suddenly feeling out of place, he stood at the edge of the stone path for a moment. The garden was beautiful, for sure. However, it was proof that things had definitely changed in six years, in ways he wasn't ready to come to terms with. He felt like an intruder peering into Kaito's world through a window. He hesitated a little before moving closer when Kaito called him over. He crouched down beside him, careful to maintain that invisible boundary between them, studying the small green courgettes that Kaito was so proud of.

“They’re, uh…” Jin paused, trying to find the right words, and trying not to seem as out of place as he felt. “This is really impressive. I didn’t know you were into this sort of thing.” He said, his gaze moving over the different kinds of plants and vegetables. “How long have you been doing this? And did you plant strawberries, too? “ He looked up at Kaito with what he hoped was a more relaxed and curious expression. Despite how much had changed, he wanted to show that he was genuinely interested in what he was up to.  

“Thanks,” he said, his voice warm but tinged with a trace of nerves. “It’s been a process. Randomly started about three years ago when I moved in here. My friend Dillion has taught me how not to kill everything I plant.” He let out a soft chuckle, trying to keep things light despite the weight of the moment. "No strawberries yet," he said with a small shrug, catching Jin's question. “I’ve been thinking about it, though—maybe next year when I do a bit more research on them. For now, it’s mostly veggies and some flowers to keep it colorful.” He paused, noticing the sun dipping lower, casting a warm golden hue over the plants.

Casually he guides Jin through to every other plant all the way from tomatoes to marigolds, a tentative invite into a piece of his world. He let Jin ask any questions he might have, didn't rush anything, and he was more than happy to answer anything in regard to the plants. But the further into the garden they got, the closer they got to finishing their tour out here. Kaito knew there was only so much longer before they would inevitably be face to face with the small talk portion of the hang out. It was difficult to say what Kaito wanted to hear from Jin once he asked for an update on his life, because he would ask, and it was difficult to say what he didn't want to hear come from Jin. On one hand, he wanted to hear that Jin was doing food and happy. On the other hand, he knows it would hurt a lot to hear that all the same. He didn't want to hear that Jin was miserable, never did he want that for him, but he wasn't prepared to hear that Jin was happy in a life in which he had done everything to erase him out of it. His gaze drifted to Jin and the sight made his chest tighten. The golden rays of the sun bounced off Jin's hair and cast a warm glow across his face. He realized, more than anything, he wanted to hear how Jin had been--every detail, every struggle, every moment he'd missed. The urge to know burned brighter than the fear that bubbled beneath he surface.

Nothing a little tea couldn't handle, before he'd take Jin to meet Stanley. "Let's head back in. I'll prepare us a bit of tea and then we can head on down to see Stanley." Kaito led the way back, stepping onto the stone path and holding the door open for Jin. “Make yourself at home,” he said, gesturing toward the living room. “I’ll get set up the water for our tea—unless you’d rather something else?” His eyes met Jin’s briefly, searching for a sign of how he was holding up, before heading to the kitchen to give them both a moment to breathe. It's not long but the breather was needed for Kaito, though he returns with the same casual expression he's had the entire time.

"Shouldn't be too long for the water." He softly cleared his throat as he steps over to sit down on his couch, looking over to Jin, accepting the time to talk was here now. "So...How did you end up in Blackstone?"

"Yeah, no sugar gliders in concert, please. Not even if he's sitting in your shirt pocket eating berries. Can you imagine the chaos if he got out? He just floats off the stage into the crowd?" They'd have to get someone to watch Pirate. Charlie would probably stop in to feed him if they asked, or one of their neighbors. "I got a while to think about it. I met this producer guy who's been helping with cleaning up stuff on my recordings. I've just had a lot going on, with mom dying." Corey was glad she wasn't suffering any more. They'd anticipated her death for years. It had always been inevitable, just a matter of when. Now that she was gone, they weren't really sure what to do with their life any more. Working on their music seemed like the only thing that made sense.

"Yeah, I want a chicken burger. And fries. If it takes until August or October for our food to get here, I'm asking for a refund. Dork," Corey laughed. They were glad Kai was around. Corey couldn't even remember how the two of them had become friends, a typical case of reacting to one another's music on social media, being in one another's instagram comments, then in one another's DMs. Corey had been worried for a moment that he'd wanted to get into their pants, but nothing flirty had ever come up. Just two friends who talked music and life and gave each other shit.

He offered a softer smile when the conversation came to Corey’s mom again, wishing he could easy some of that ache they felt from the loss. “It’s okay to feel adrift right now, you know? Music’s a good place to put all that. What’s this producer like? What’s his vibe? How did you meet?” Kaito asked, hoping to steer the conversation toward something that might lift Corey’s spirits. He was also protective of Corey, as he was of any person he considered a friend, so some questions were asked for him to get a vibe of the mysterious producer. He wanted to meet them, if only to make sure they were actually trying to help Corey.

“A chicken burger and fries. Got it.” He laughed at the idea of their food taking until October to get here, imagining them turning into skeletons like in the cartoons the longer they waited. Without must more hesitation the guy begins to order their food, placing an order for a burger with cheese fries on the side for himself. “There we go. Should be here in like thirty or so.” He clicked his phone off for a second, placing it back in his pocket, the reached for his guitar once more. “Remember our first time talking? I was so worried you thought I was going ask if you were DTF, man. Who would’ve thought we’d be here now, huh?”

The lake meeting with Kaito had shattered Jin's world. In the span of a few days, he'd been dragged back into feelings he'd sworn off and forced to face people he'd written off as ghosts from his past, and thought he'd never see again. The 4th of July celebration had been the final nail in the coffin. Things had been said that night that sent him scrambling to rebuild every defence mechanism he'd ever torn down. He had started looking into getting weekly grocery deliveries, too, to allow for life as a hermit. Now he just needed to convince the Brewery to let him DJ over Teams, and he could seal himself away for good.

The past few days of texting had been careful and stilted, like they were both kind of walking on eggshells around the wreckage of their last conversation - and the last time Kaito got a text message from Jin. The thought of that, alone, was enough to make Jin feel sick and want to throw up. Kaito had mentioned his garden, and a sugar glider named Stanley he’d apparently adopted. Normal and safe things. Jin had almost cancelled three times, his thumb hovering over the keyboard to type some lame excuse about work, or needing to finish his latest project. The familiar pull of his home studio in his basement called to him. It would have been more comfortable to be isolated in a soundproof room with a mixing board that never asked him to explain himself, or deal with the messy complexity of human emotions. 

Taking a deep breath, Jin turned up the driveway to Kaito’s house. He was there because the other man had asked, and despite everything, Jin found he couldn’t say no. Not to Kaito, now that they were finally talking again, even if it felt a little like navigating a minefield. In his hand, he was carrying a plastic bag holding what he hoped were still some of Kaito’s favourite snacks, maybe like a peace offering. He had about a million questions in his head, still. Most of them were what ifs. Maybe if the conversation allowed it, or if he was feeling brave, he’d ask some of them today. The tension from their last meeting still hung over him, and by the time he reached Kaito’s front door, his palms were sweating. He raised his hand to the doorbell, but hesitated for a moment before pressing it. 

Kaito opened the door, his chest tightening at the sight of Jin standing there, plastic bag in hand. "Hey," he replied, his voice steady but gentle, almost hesitant, like he was trying not to do something that might send Jin away. He was surprised the other hadn't cancelled, impressed even, though he decided not to say it outloud. "Thanks, Jin. You didn't have to bring anything, but...wow, you remembered these?" He pulled out a pack of gummy worms, his weakness. "I'm still a sucker for these. We can share, but I call dibs on the last blue and red flavored one when we get down to it."

He stepped back, waving Jin inside. A faint chitter from Stanley’s cage echoed from the hall. "Are you thirsty or anything? I've got lemonade, bottled water, no soda. Sorry. I cut that stuff out a while ago." Yet he couldn't quit fried foods. Kaito set the bag on the counter, reaching to open his fridge, trying to find a reason to keep his hands busy. He felt out of place in his own skin, an odd feeling to feel in your own home. But he was trying. He waited for Jin to tell him if he wanted anything before reaching for a water bottle, then closing the fridge again.

He turned look in Jin's direction," I'm glad you made it,” he said, his tone careful but honest. Kaito paused, then nodded toward the back door with a small, hesitant smile. “Come on, let’s check out the garden. It's kinda my thing now, I guess." He led Jin through the house, taking a swig of water as he did. The back door was pushed open, revealing a small, vibrant garden growing beautifully under the summer sun. It was a burst of color from the veggies he was growing amongst other flowers he had planted. "It's nothing crazy, but every year I think I get a little better at it. Not without help, of course." Dillon had been a huge help to helping his little garden come to life, his patience and kind advice guided Kai through it.

He felt the tension leave him as he stepped onto the stone path, glancing back at Jin. "Come here." Kai crouched by a patch of zucchini, brushing a leaf aside. “Check it out. These guys are finally coming in.” He gestured for Jin to join him, pointing to the small, green zucchinis budding on the vine, a tentative invitation to share this small piece of his new world.

“Jesus Christ,” he said quietly to himself, his voice rough. He rubbed his face with both hands, trying to process everything. “You came out to your family because of me?” The weight of that settled on his chest like a ton of bricks. Jin still hadn’t told his family he was bisexual. He didn’t even know if they knew what he was up to these days, the only way they could, would be if they followed his business social media. “God, Kaito. I didn’t know that. I’m-...” He trailed off, his words felt hollow, no matter how much he meant them. “I’m so sorry.” 

Like I was nothing. Kaito had been his world. Hell, some of those feelings were still there. Seeing him again only confirmed it. That made things so much more complicated, though. Originally, he hadn’t thought he would ever see him again. Kaito was part of a chapter he had closed, but at the same time, he had been in love with him. Maybe he still was, but that was a thought he couldn't handle right now.

When they started walking again, Jin’s hands were shaking slightly as he shoved them back in his pockets. He felt the familiar burning behind his eyes of tears that were threatening to fall. He had been incredibly stupid. He had thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to him, and for what? Pride? Work? He hadn’t even lasted that long at Universal. It felt like a cruel joke. He was starting to feel light-headed. “You’re right. About all of it. I made the choice for both of us, and that was…” He swallowed hard. “That was messed up. I was so scared of not being enough that I didn’t- I didn’t even give you the chance to… uh, to decide for yourself.”  

Jin glanced over at Kaito, seeing that tentative smile, and felt something crack open in his chest. He didn’t deserve another chance. He didn’t really understand why Kaito hadn’t just pushed him into the lake, or beat him to a pulp already. That’s what he deserved. He didn’t say anything for a while, his gaze back down at the path as they walked slowly. “I’m still terrified, Kaito. I’m… I’m still the same guy who thinks he’s going to mess everything up.” He said quietly. “I can promise I won’t just… you know, vanish, again.” He let out a soft sigh. “But… I’m not good at this, clearly.” He let out a quiet chuckle. He didn’t want to run any more. He was tired of it. Jin let the silence stretch between them, but it somehow felt lighter, or at least less suffocating, even if he still felt like he was about to pass out any second now from guilt. 

Kai could hear the sincerity in Jin's words, the way they carried guilt and regret. It stirred something in him, a flicker of the connection they'd once had, buried under years of hurt but not entirely gone. "Even though this doesn't undo the damage that has been done...I can tell you're not just saying what you think I want to hear." And it went a long way with Kaito, it's all he's ever wanted from Jin. He let out a shaky breath, his eyes flicking to the water nearby, its gentle lapping a quiet contrast to the chaos in his chest. "I don't know if you'll ever truly get how much your actions hurt. How much they changed me. But hearing you now, seeing you owning it..." He trailed off, meeting Jin's gaze again, his expression softening just a fraction. "It means something. It may not fix everything, but it is a good start."

There were still so many questions that Kai needed answered, or at least wanted to know the answers to, but for now, hearing Jin admit what he had done was enough to help begin his healing process. Finally. All he had ever wanted, needed, was a bit of closure to what had happened to make Jin run and now he had that. While it wasn't going to happen overnight, Kai knew there would come a day in the near future he could say he was finally okay. He could stop searching for Jin in every little bit of life, and finally, for the first time in six years, he could breathe again. He didn't have to keep chasing ghosts.

He stopped walking, turning to face Jin, his hands still buried in his pockets so as he wouldn't reach out to touch the other. "Maybe in some ways you are still the Jin from back then, but you're not the same guy. That Jin wouldn't have taken what I just dished out at him and stood here to own up to it. That Jin would've turned the moment they spotted me from a distance. Maybe you felt like it, I don't know, but...you stayed." He gave a small bittersweet smile, his eyes searching Jin's face for a moment. "I'm not very good at this either," he admits, dryly chuckling. "Maybe we can be friends again, maybe we can't, either way it goes...I'm willing to see where our story goes from here." A beat passes, comfortable silence filling the air for a moment. "There's nothing wrong with being terrified. This is a very scary thing to go through, but you know what?" He leaned in a little, voice barely above a whisper, as if sharing a secret between just the two of them, "We'll be terrified together. Not alone. Not this time."

“Okay,” Jin said quietly, his voice barely audible. He nodded towards the path, grateful for the suggestion to walk. Standing still felt too much like being trapped, and like he needed to bolt after all. Walking would be less suffocating. He slowly started moving, waiting for Kaito to fall into step with him. Jin’s hands were still buried deep in his pockets, his shoulders hunched forward like he was trying to make himself smaller. For a long moment, there was only the sound of their footsteps on the path, and the gentle lapping of water against the shore. 

“I panicked.” Jin finally said, the words came out rough and strained. “You wanted more, and I…” He trailed off. The idea of moving in together, meeting each other's families, being committed, being vulnerable. It all sounded so good on paper, and in those god damn romance books. He swallowed hard, his hands getting clammy in his pockets. “I… I didn’t know how to be what you wanted or what you deserved.” His voice fell quiet again, and he hoped and prayed that Kaito had heard him over the sound of the lake. 

Jin paused, and took a deep breath. “I thought if I stayed, I’d hurt you worse eventually. If I left, you’d be able to move on and maybe find someone who could give you the things I couldn’t.” He had genuinely been in love with Kaito before leaving. It had felt like ripping his heart out of his chest and stomping on it when he had gotten on that plane to the states and gotten rid of the number he had texted him from before getting on it. “I was a coward. Hell, I still am.” He let out a humourless chuckle. “I was so scared of opening up properly, leaving felt like the best option. And when I got the job offer from Universal, well… it felt like a sign. Failing you then somehow seemed better than disappointing you later.” 

He let out a shaky breath, his hands coming up to rub over his face. “I know this doesn’t make up for shit, but… it’s the truth. I should have been honest with you. Leaving you hurt me too. It really sucked.” 

“You panicked,” Kaito repeated, his voice low, almost a whisper, as if testing the weight of the words. He kept his eyes on the path ahead, not trusting himself to look at Jin. “You thought leaving was better than disappointing me? Jin, you didn’t just disappoint me—you broke me.” His voice trembled, and he hated how vulnerable it made him sound, but he couldn’t stop now. “You decided for me. You didn’t even give me a chance to fight for us, to talk it through. You just… erased me from your life like I was nothing.”

He stopped walking, turning to face Jin, his eyes burning with unshed tears. “You say it hurt you too, but you had a choice. I didn’t. You got to walk away, start over, take some fancy job with Universal. I was the one left picking up the pieces, wondering what I did wrong, why I wasn’t enough.” His voice cracked again, and he looked away, swallowing hard. But he forced himself to look back at Jin, despite wanting to break right here and now. “I didn’t want someone else, Jin. I wanted you. I wanted us. And you took that away without even asking me what I thought. If it was moving too fast, fuck man, you could’ve just said something. I would’ve understood. I would’ve understood if you needed a break, I would’ve given you that space, and no one had to get broken to get it.” He sighed, “I just…I thought we were on the same page. You certainly made it seem that way, and I even…I came out to my family because of you. Because I thought…I thought we were on the same page,” Kai repeated, softly.

He started walking again, slower this time, his gaze fixed on the path ahead. “I get it. You were scared. You thought leaving was the right thing, that it’d hurt me less. Okay.” His words weren’t sharp, just heavy with the weight of six years. “You didn’t give me a chance to understand, to talk it through. You just left, and that text—it broke something in me.” Silence follows for a moment, but this time, unlike the ones from before, this silence wasn’t deafening.

“I don’t know what happens next. I’m not the same Kaito from six years ago, and you’re probably not the same Jin. I can’t just open the door and let you back in like nothing happened. But…” He hesitated, his voice dropping quieter, almost vulnerable. “I don’t want you to disappear again either. I just need time. And I need you to show me you’re not gonna run when things get heavy. You messed up, Jin, but maybe we can figure out what’s next. Together. If you’re willing to stick around.” Kaito glanced at him, a faint, tentative smile tugging at his lips.