Kaine A. Carrion

A quote from my favourite film. It still resonates with me as strongly as it did when I first heard it a decade ago.

Creating echoes in the hallways of my spotless mind.

“Why do I fall in love with every person I see who shows me the least bit of attention?”

A question I ask myself frequently when guy number, three, four, five; five? At least I'm pretty sure that's how many boys have blinded me with their charm and empty promises.

Maybe boy number six won't make me feel like I'm number two.

“Why do I fall in love with every person I see who shows me the least bit of attention?”

I wonder; If I'm as whole as I say I am, why do I keep falling for emotionally unavailable people, who fall for emotionally unavailable people?

Who then string me along because I'm always there, always patient, always loving?

“Why do I fall in love with every person I see who shows me the least bit of attention?”

I begin to speculate if I'll ever experience real love again. If the boy with the cute sweater and bright smile still thinks of me.

If the ghosts of my past will keep me swathed in their shroud.

“Why do I fall in love with every person I see who shows me the least bit of attention?”

Because they feel?

They want to be heard?

Perhaps a combination of the two.

I've started writing again

Because my thoughts are too overwhelming

And putting them onto paper

is better

Than putting them onto skin.

Being the strong friend

The secure friend

The stable friend

Is difficult

Because I feel like I can't show my weakness.

I need to be strong

For them.

And that is why I write.