the littlest kaiju of all

i think i slept about 2.5 hours last night and i crashed when i got home but everything still feels awful. and i have the lurking thought that people are about to get tired of my bullshit if i can’t stop being a sad anxious mess

self-confidence imploded today. it's been hours of body image bullshit and i feel like i can't function right now. gonna try to sleep and hopefully it will be okay in the morning

i think i’ve reached some sort of anxiety equilibrium where yes everything is sort of piling up and katsu is in like 16 days and i still have 2 and a half props to finish and a wig to restyle and my time for doing this is limited to after work but....i’m somehow not super freaked out over it.  (check back in a week, things might be radically different)  today was a wash because i was exhausted coming home and i fell asleep til like 8pm and i can’t stay up too late tonight. but i think if i schedule everything out, and then really stick to it, i can get it done. my art discipline used to be pretty good about making deadlines

not feeling great this weekend, at first it was just tired and then it turned into tired and sad. a couple nights ago i had a dream where a former friend told me i’m a bad person and the reason why we’re not friends anymore. and i guess it was a really compelling argument because i woke up distressed and sorta convinced again. there’s other shit bothering me too, but it’s a lot of boring life shit. like wishing i could quit my job for art or at least switch to something else, but i have a lot of responsibility around here because bro’s job doesn’t pay as well so i’m afraid if i did that maybe we’d hit a point where we can’t make rent. i really do hope for the day i can change to a career i actually enjoy but for now i just gotta keep swimming